Aurora_s_Flame
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2002
- Posts
- 18,202
This is an essay I wrote for class WAAAAAAAAAY back when. It honestly is meant to be funny. So please, laugh...no offence intended.
~ Rora
The Deficiencies of the Two-headed Beings
What is it with men? Why do they always have to be so damn confusing? It’s almost as if a simple thought is too much for their meager brains to comprehend. Why couldn’t they be just more like the popular half of the human race? Things would be so much easier! Ah, the turmoil of studying the microscopic process of male evolution.
It seems as though all male problems start right from the moment of conception, perhaps even sooner. After all, has anyone noticed that it takes billions of sperm just to find one egg? Come on! There’s got to be something genetically wrong there, right? I suppose it’s cause those ‘little fishies’ are working with the equivalent mentality of their creators. Poor little guys, having everything go wrong from the very beginning! Alright, let’s say that one of the ‘little fishies’ found their way to an egg. Everything’s great, right? Right, but only if one of those nasty little ‘y’ chromosome doesn’t head-butt it’s way in. Otherwise all the problems start all over again, for as the saying goes, “It’s a Boy!” Oh no!
Things don’t seem to get any easier as time goes on. It’s not fair that human females have to mature so quickly in order to deal with the constantly de-evolving two-headed component of the species. Don’t they realize that we do get tired of their whining and bitching and complaining? Oh, their excuse always is, “Well, I’ve been under a lot of stress lately.” Ha! Like that is a reason to be so grumpy. Give me a break! I’ll admit, we’re not perfect either . . . close, but not quite. At least we’re willing to talk about our problems and work them out instead of bottling them up inside. There is a limit to the amount of stress any female is willing to put up with in order to possess the few good purposes men have. Sometimes their excuses just don’t cut it.
Men don’t realize it, (or perhaps they do and they’re scared about it, thus denying it at every turn!) but us females rule the world. Sure, sure, we let them front some of the work. After all, we don’t want them getting bored, now do we? So passing off a little physical labour isn’t a big deal. Hey, seeing them flex those biceps and pecs are a couple of the very few pleasures we seem to get out of their existence, so why not exploit it! Of course, we could just get them a really big hamster wheel to run in and they’d be occupied all day, having fun playing with themselves. But what enjoyment is there for us to reap out of that? Answer: none!
I know, I know, I’m being mean (but truthful!) about the unfortunate circumstances that the male half of the species has to encounter every day. If they would just admit to being inferior everything would be so much easier! They always try to do too much, solve too much, and then they end up complaining that we’re the cause of all their problems! Hello?! Don’t they have the brains to realize that the roles are actually reversed? Oh, look what I’m saying, how amusing! Men with brains! Ha ha!! That’s priceless! Ha ha ha!! Hmm, that feels better. Now what was I saying? Ah yes, the unfortunate problem of being male. Definitely not a laughing matter. . . *giggle*.
I can just see the all those little heads (the upper ones of the few males who made it this far) working, trying to come up with an argument to deplete the strength of this reality. Ah, perhaps that in itself would be their argument . . . strength! If this theory is true, then why is it that women are the one’s who have deal with mind-numbing cramps month after month? Oh, wait! I guess that argument won’t hold up in court because the majority of male minds are already numb. Damn! Okay, next argument. How about us having to shoot an eight pound bundle out of our bodies after having to deal with the aches and pains and emotional stress of carrying, not only the baby but the husbands as well, to the equivalent of what seems to be hundreds of hours of lamaze classes? Don’t we have enough to deal with by having one child? With a baby, then there’s two! It’s a wonder we’re not the one’s who pass out in the delivery rooms!
Even biologically it seems that males are inept. I think the phrase, “Do your boys hang low?” says it all. Their little attachments look like they were stuck on as an after- thought! If you believe in god, it’s as if at the last second she remembered why she was putting them on earth and had to just plop their ‘boys’ on where ever. If you’re female (ain’t it wonderful!) and you believe in the evolution of man from apes, well it’s easy to see how that relation applies! If male and you believe in the evolution of man from apes, just smile and nod. Perhaps men are lacking elsewhere biologically, as in having enough blood in their systems to carry the required amount of oxygen to their bodies to operate two heads at once. Ah, I believe I just solved the mystery of the reason why men are so ignorant!
As you can see, this topic is endless. You can approach it from so many sides, so many ways. It seems as though you could just about go on forever, but is it really worth the effort? I guess it seems so because females have always been classified as the type to look after poor, little, pathetic creatures. Too bad these ones happen to be so pathetic!
*Copyright Rora, 1997
~ Rora
The Deficiencies of the Two-headed Beings
What is it with men? Why do they always have to be so damn confusing? It’s almost as if a simple thought is too much for their meager brains to comprehend. Why couldn’t they be just more like the popular half of the human race? Things would be so much easier! Ah, the turmoil of studying the microscopic process of male evolution.
It seems as though all male problems start right from the moment of conception, perhaps even sooner. After all, has anyone noticed that it takes billions of sperm just to find one egg? Come on! There’s got to be something genetically wrong there, right? I suppose it’s cause those ‘little fishies’ are working with the equivalent mentality of their creators. Poor little guys, having everything go wrong from the very beginning! Alright, let’s say that one of the ‘little fishies’ found their way to an egg. Everything’s great, right? Right, but only if one of those nasty little ‘y’ chromosome doesn’t head-butt it’s way in. Otherwise all the problems start all over again, for as the saying goes, “It’s a Boy!” Oh no!
Things don’t seem to get any easier as time goes on. It’s not fair that human females have to mature so quickly in order to deal with the constantly de-evolving two-headed component of the species. Don’t they realize that we do get tired of their whining and bitching and complaining? Oh, their excuse always is, “Well, I’ve been under a lot of stress lately.” Ha! Like that is a reason to be so grumpy. Give me a break! I’ll admit, we’re not perfect either . . . close, but not quite. At least we’re willing to talk about our problems and work them out instead of bottling them up inside. There is a limit to the amount of stress any female is willing to put up with in order to possess the few good purposes men have. Sometimes their excuses just don’t cut it.
Men don’t realize it, (or perhaps they do and they’re scared about it, thus denying it at every turn!) but us females rule the world. Sure, sure, we let them front some of the work. After all, we don’t want them getting bored, now do we? So passing off a little physical labour isn’t a big deal. Hey, seeing them flex those biceps and pecs are a couple of the very few pleasures we seem to get out of their existence, so why not exploit it! Of course, we could just get them a really big hamster wheel to run in and they’d be occupied all day, having fun playing with themselves. But what enjoyment is there for us to reap out of that? Answer: none!
I know, I know, I’m being mean (but truthful!) about the unfortunate circumstances that the male half of the species has to encounter every day. If they would just admit to being inferior everything would be so much easier! They always try to do too much, solve too much, and then they end up complaining that we’re the cause of all their problems! Hello?! Don’t they have the brains to realize that the roles are actually reversed? Oh, look what I’m saying, how amusing! Men with brains! Ha ha!! That’s priceless! Ha ha ha!! Hmm, that feels better. Now what was I saying? Ah yes, the unfortunate problem of being male. Definitely not a laughing matter. . . *giggle*.
I can just see the all those little heads (the upper ones of the few males who made it this far) working, trying to come up with an argument to deplete the strength of this reality. Ah, perhaps that in itself would be their argument . . . strength! If this theory is true, then why is it that women are the one’s who have deal with mind-numbing cramps month after month? Oh, wait! I guess that argument won’t hold up in court because the majority of male minds are already numb. Damn! Okay, next argument. How about us having to shoot an eight pound bundle out of our bodies after having to deal with the aches and pains and emotional stress of carrying, not only the baby but the husbands as well, to the equivalent of what seems to be hundreds of hours of lamaze classes? Don’t we have enough to deal with by having one child? With a baby, then there’s two! It’s a wonder we’re not the one’s who pass out in the delivery rooms!
Even biologically it seems that males are inept. I think the phrase, “Do your boys hang low?” says it all. Their little attachments look like they were stuck on as an after- thought! If you believe in god, it’s as if at the last second she remembered why she was putting them on earth and had to just plop their ‘boys’ on where ever. If you’re female (ain’t it wonderful!) and you believe in the evolution of man from apes, well it’s easy to see how that relation applies! If male and you believe in the evolution of man from apes, just smile and nod. Perhaps men are lacking elsewhere biologically, as in having enough blood in their systems to carry the required amount of oxygen to their bodies to operate two heads at once. Ah, I believe I just solved the mystery of the reason why men are so ignorant!
As you can see, this topic is endless. You can approach it from so many sides, so many ways. It seems as though you could just about go on forever, but is it really worth the effort? I guess it seems so because females have always been classified as the type to look after poor, little, pathetic creatures. Too bad these ones happen to be so pathetic!
*Copyright Rora, 1997
Last edited:
