OK you've pasted the "NEW" phase, What's harder than you thought?

[snoozebutton]

So you took the plunge and explored that side you let lay dormant. You posted on the newbie thread. Not sure where you fit in. But now you have questions. Ask away, What was easy in fantasy but your having trouble with now? We intermediates need a place too.

 

[Netzach]

Keeping the magic alive when you have bills jobs and bullshit clamoring for all your energy.

 

[snoozebutton]

Yes I never realized how much eneergy scening takes. I've heard the girls talk of sub drop after we play. I'm not that severe but once that adrenilin slips away I do feel a lot more tired. So I know before I start I better have a good head of steam up first.

 

[ghosst_K&H]

stopping myself from taking control of situations outside of O/our home, while we're together. i am usually a take charge kind of guy, and having to bite my tongue in social situations is becoming very hard.

 

[BlueSugar]

affording the toys/tools wanted and needed.

scared about neighbors hearing... reporting...

scared to see how far we can both get into it and then the silence afterwards because we have a hard time letting our inhabitions go completly ... possibly moving too fast for the both of us... but in the moment... neither of us care... its beautiful and awesome.

Unable to walk through a hardware store without picking something up.

 

[snoozebutton]

stopping myself from taking control of situations outside of O/our home, while we're together. i am usually a take charge kind of guy, and having to bite my tongue in social situations is becoming very hard.

I found I had top just go with the flow more. I hate when things get all hectic. So I take deep breathes and just plug away. Of course part of my problem is I'm a recovering obsessive compulsive. Years ago I checked the clock at least a dozen time so I knew alarm was set. Now for last decade or so been down to 2 three times tops. Of course off work I can just release and go into veg mode. So I have a nice release valve.

 

[snoozebutton]

affording the toys/tools wanted and needed.

scared about neighbors hearing... reporting...

scared to see how far we can both get into it and then the silence afterwards because we have a hard time letting our inhabitions go completly ... possibly moving too fast for the both of us... but in the moment... neither of us care... its beautiful and awesome.

Unable to walk through a hardware store without picking something up.

I see that as a problem also. I'd like to use a gag the padded bar kind with my ladies. But that is a thing I want them completely comfortable and safe with first. I would like some feedback from others on their experiences with gags. Might give some good pointers for me and the girls.

 

[morninggirl5]

I'm having a really, really hard time keeping myself focused. It's much too easy for me to keep myself busy with life and i wake up and realize i've begun to let that door close again.

 

[snoozebutton]

I'm having a really, really hard time keeping myself focused. It's much too easy for me to keep myself busy with life and i wake up and realize i've begun to let that door close again.

As long as you hold the key you never will really close the door. Submission should come from a place of strenght. So just being you is good for you. It lets you focus on you the most precious gift you have.

 

[BlueSugar]

I see that as a problem also. I'd like to use a gag the padded bar kind with my ladies. But that is a thing I want them completely comfortable and safe with first. I would like some feedback from others on their experiences with gags. Might give some good pointers for me and the girls.

never been gagged before. i don't think he enjoys it, maybe H/we will in time. He likes to hear me.

 

[sifer]

I want them completely comfortable and safe with first. I would like some feedback from others on their experiences with gags. Might give some good pointers for me and the girls.

Some find gags a breathing problem for that you can use a practice golf ball the kind with holes in it with a piece of lether to tie it in place or mearly the instruction for the sub not to let
it out of their mouth. I have also seen a crop put in the subs mouth and the instruction given "if you drop this we stop and you do not get to play".

Because a safe word is dificult with a gag a phisical indicator works best. Droping a ball, releasing a bar from thier grip, or waving a hanky. Just make sure it is something that would not be hidden by the scene.

A good starting option for gagging would be to gag but not bind. Have the sub hold the back of a chair or lock thier fingers behind their head. This leaves an accessable out and is a good stepping stone.

Ideas For cheep toys
Leather belts from good will for floggers or restraints.
Braided cotton rope "comfy but restrictive"
Small dog collars (I found some nice ones at everythings a dollar)
Feather duster/ static duster (use both ends)
Paint brushes (small paddle, tickleing, painting on hot wax)
Popery boiler (melting wax)(I like the tea light powered)
cheep bar stool (restraint base)

Be creative you should see the look on a subs face when you pull out a plunger with a clear plastic handel and tell them you are going to fuck them up the ass with it. Then do.

 

[snoozebutton]

Great info would add but both posts are great alone. And yes like to hear them too but sometimes quiet my be needed.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

(bees wax melts at a lower temp then parafin)

This is a dangerous bit of incorrect info that could potentially get your sub burned.

Here's why:

Wax type..........Where Found..........Melt Points

Raw parafin................Canning wax, bulk..............115° - 126°F
(soft)

Votive candles............Cylinders up to 6 in............131° - 141°F
(harder)

Taper candles..............Candlesticks....................141°F +
(hard)..........................Table candles

Hurricane lamp.................................................154°F +
(hard)

Beeswax....................Numerous candle
(waxy to hard)...........styles, bulk........................146°F +

This table can be found in the following thread.

Candles, wax, etc begun by Merelan

Paraffin candles are the best for wax play and can be found very inexpensively at your local grocery store in the jewish food section. They are seder or passover candles, are votive sized, and can be bought for under a dollar a piece, usually.

Happy Waxing!!

~anelize

 

[sifer]

OK I won't listen to the local candel maker any more.

 

[snoozebutton]

I never thought of Kosher candles. Thanks I have some shopping to do.

This is a dangerous bit of incorrect info that could potentially get your sub burned.

Here's why:

Wax type..........Where Found..........Melt Points

Raw parafin................Canning wax, bulk..............115° - 126°F
(soft)

Votive candles............Cylinders up to 6 in............131° - 141°F
(harder)

Taper candles..............Candlesticks....................141°F +
(hard)..........................Table candles

Hurricane lamp.................................................154°F +
(hard)

Beeswax....................Numerous candle
(waxy to hard)...........styles, bulk........................146°F +

This table can be found in the following thread.

Candles, wax, etc begun by Merelan

Paraffin candles are the best for wax play and can be found very inexpensively at your local grocery store in the jewish food section. They are seder or passover candles, are votive sized, and can be bought for under a dollar a piece, usually.

Happy Waxing!!

~anelize

 

[Kataklysm]

The talking. The "real" communication that is so necessary. That and making time for it all. Not that these were really fantasies but I'm finding them harder than I though they'd be. I have such a long way to go.

 

[lark sparrow]

Paraffin candles are the best for wax play and can be found very inexpensively at your local grocery store in the jewish food section. They are seder or passover candles, are votive sized, and can be bought for under a dollar a piece, usually.

Happy Waxing!!

~anelize

Not hot enough! It's essential to know what you are playing with of course (test first), but some candles are honestly just too weak to bring a bit of pain though the sensation may be sensual. (Pain, not actual burns, big difference, yes.)

 

[hurtme]

I have also found something gatting harder and harder as time goes on...its hard to *not* be submissive to him (whoever he may be) 24/7...I find myself submitting to him all the time...and I don't want that kind of relationship...it makes me feel like i am losing myself, and not in a good way...I need some control...so I find myself backing off from relationships rahter than getting into a 24/7 submissive relationship...

 

[FungiUg]

Hmmm... juggling possessiveness and jealousy and miscommunication in other people. Grrr. Snooze, do you run into this?

To explain, for those of you who don't know, I have a lover who I love dearly, but who isn't really into D/s like I am, and anyway tends toward the dominant side. Fortunately we found a way around the issue, by sharing a aubmissive in threesomes.

Sounds like fun, and when it works it is SOOO worth it! But talk about hard work!

 

[TigerClaw]

I have had and interest in this since my first experience with Ice. Wondering if the reverse would feel as intense. Thank You for posting this. I too had heard that bees wax melted at the lowest temperature of all waxes.

This is a dangerous bit of incorrect info that could potentially get your sub burned.

Here's why:

Wax type..........Where Found..........Melt Points

Raw parafin................Canning wax, bulk..............115° - 126°F
(soft)

Votive candles............Cylinders up to 6 in............131° - 141°F
(harder)

Taper candles..............Candlesticks....................141°F +
(hard)..........................Table candles

Hurricane lamp.................................................154°F +
(hard)

Beeswax....................Numerous candle
(waxy to hard)...........styles, bulk........................146°F +

This table can be found in the following thread.

Candles, wax, etc begun by Merelan

Paraffin candles are the best for wax play and can be found very inexpensively at your local grocery store in the jewish food section. They are seder or passover candles, are votive sized, and can be bought for under a dollar a piece, usually.

Happy Waxing!!

~anelize

As for boredom, bills, life getting in the way.

It does take some work to keep up the excitement or interest. (not letting it slip away)

It is the bond whether it is sex, romance, D/s, love, lust, interest, talking is "Us" that keeps us together. I want her company and want to share times with her. Even if it is only walking along the shore. This will drive you to find ways to keep up the interest.

For those times when live gets down on you, sometimes just holding is good.

Something is getting boring? Mix it up. Change it. Stop doing it for a while and do something else. Read, explore other sites or books that give a different opinion. You may not agree with it, but it may give you ideas.

I agree communication. HONEST communication is the most critical here.

 

[landcruisergal]

I find it hard to behave appropriately with my master as his expectations are different every time. Sometimes he wants complete subserviant behavior and speech from me,asking permission for everything other than breathing.
"havent you learnt anything, girl?"
Then at other times he is casual and laid back
" for god's sake you dont have to ask permission for that!"
He says it keeps me on my toes, but it makes it so much harder.

And as we have a non emotional, part time relationship, he admits and apologises that it is difficult for him to provide what he considers a responsible and timely level of support, when I may need it.He has offered release if it proves too much for me at any time.We communicate well, which is a good thing, and he addresses and discusses my concerns, albeit in point form, which amuses me greatly

Gagging isnt a problem for me at all.I guess I have a big mouth.My problem is with my collar, in certain positions, when performing fellatio, I am unable to maintain my airway.And it sounds awful too.

 

[snoozebutton]

Transitioning from vanilla to D/s can be hard and confusing. I too still have problems with that. But I address them differently when it is time to slip into scening. My voice gets more forcful and I give a command. I enjoy the quick recognition of the change in them. Their quick responces arouse me and start the steam building inside me.



Yes, Fungi jealousy and hurt do crop up as it is difficult to be in a poly relationship. I probably don't help being such a tease. I was told I give off a vibe but that I don't see lol. I deal will the jealousy by just being there and talking them through their issues whatever they may be. Not saying it's perfect now but this therapy with ourselves has done wonders. I alwalys tell them to tell me if something is bothering them. Sure sometimes you get the feeling who's the Dom after a long questioning session. But it's damn worth it as you get to the core of a lot of issues. Pride has to be set aside for the greater good of the relationship from time to time.

 

[FungiUg]

Oh yeah, I have that same transition -- whip off the cloak and become The Dom! It's all about voice -- inflection and intonation -- and okay, so I deepen my voice too. Reminds me the The Voice used by the Bene Gesserit in Dune.

Funnily enough, I tease as well, but my lover never gets jealous over that. She's quite familiar with me being a flirt or tease, and to be honest, it's because she recognises it from herself. One of the things that makes us such a great pair: we can compare notes over who we teased.

As an example, my old flatmate who is helping out by building some fences to help contain my lover's dog when she moves in -- I'd arranged for fences and gates to be built, but then they couldn't deliver until the end of January, and kenelling adog for six weeks over Christmas is, well, expensive and impossible.

So my lover goes and jumps all over my flatmate and tells him she owes him sex for helping out! Now if that's not a tease, what is?

No... the jealousy issues for us have all been about time. The time I spend with a submissive building the intensity, and the resulting need for my time that the submissive becomes reliant on.

On the other hand, there's also the fact that the submissive we had resented the relationship my lover and I had -- because she wanted her own. Which is why all three of us knew that eventually we would need to part so she COULD have a relationship of her own. And that is precisely what happened.

So -- it's a funny old thing. Sometimes jealousy is just about a need for reassurance and communication (as in with my lover.) Other times, it's far deeper.

 

[ozraven]

<snip>

Unable to walk through a hardware store without picking something up.

There is something deliciously kinky in that line.................

 

[BlueSugar]

There is something deliciously kinky in that line.................

I drove past a Home Depot with a big frown and was with someone w/o a clue as to why... I just gazed at it longinly

:: sigh ::