EllieTalbot
Fear the Spoon
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2003
- Posts
- 3,921
It's time to advise Ellie, but you can't do it until she tells you all about her little problem. Oh, you lucky, lucky souls.
My apologies.
For over twenty years I've been good friends with a woman I'll call Christine. And about five years ago, when she and my younger brother, Chris, got married, I was lucky enough to be entitled to start calling her my sister, too. BTW, while Chris and Christine are just aliases I've given them here, their real names are just as close to each other.
On Thanksgiving, she, my brother and their toddler daughter were getting ready to go to her parents' house for the big dinner, as they have every year for a while now. About an hour before they were to leave, police showed up on their porch to inform them that they were investigating at incident at her parents' home. Apparently, her father had shot her mother, called 911, and then shot himself.
No one saw this coming at all. Her parents were in their 80's, comfortably retired, no history of domestic violence, substance abuse, etc. Her mother was cheerful, active in church and community events. Her father had always kept mostly to himself, but not to an odd extreme. There was no note, no statement about why he did it when he called 911, no nothing. Just out of nowhere.
About the only silver lining I can find is that, whatever had gotten into him, he didn't wait until Chris and his family arrived for the holiday feast and take them out, too.
Everybody's just in immense shock, and poor Christine...
She was their only child, so she lost her entire family that day, and is left with only a few distant relations who are essentially strangers. We, her in-laws, are what she's got when it comes to family.
Chris says she's a wreck, of course. She hasn't talked to anyone but him and the authorities involved, won't see anyone, etc. I want so badly to help her, but don't even know where to begin. Other than making sure she knows I'm here anytime, I've just given her space, and told Chris they're invited to spend Christmas here if they want. I thought they might want to get away from everything for a few days and be relieved of the pressure of decorating, cooking, and generally having to fake holiday enthusiasm for their daughter, but they're going to stay home by themselves.
What can I do that might actually be helpful? Perhaps more importantly, what should I avoid doing?
Ugh. I don't really expect anyone here to have any magic answers, but maybe a few of you have been through something similar and have a little wisdom to offer, or even just something I haven't thought of...
It's worth a try.
(See?! I almost wrote "It's worth a shot" before realizing how awful that phrase is, given the context. And if this had been a spoken conversation, I may not have caught it before it was uttered. Imagining what it could do if I had one little unconscious slip-up like that around her. JFC.)
Hailing Mary in Haley,
Ellie
My apologies.
For over twenty years I've been good friends with a woman I'll call Christine. And about five years ago, when she and my younger brother, Chris, got married, I was lucky enough to be entitled to start calling her my sister, too. BTW, while Chris and Christine are just aliases I've given them here, their real names are just as close to each other.
On Thanksgiving, she, my brother and their toddler daughter were getting ready to go to her parents' house for the big dinner, as they have every year for a while now. About an hour before they were to leave, police showed up on their porch to inform them that they were investigating at incident at her parents' home. Apparently, her father had shot her mother, called 911, and then shot himself.
No one saw this coming at all. Her parents were in their 80's, comfortably retired, no history of domestic violence, substance abuse, etc. Her mother was cheerful, active in church and community events. Her father had always kept mostly to himself, but not to an odd extreme. There was no note, no statement about why he did it when he called 911, no nothing. Just out of nowhere.
About the only silver lining I can find is that, whatever had gotten into him, he didn't wait until Chris and his family arrived for the holiday feast and take them out, too.
Everybody's just in immense shock, and poor Christine...
She was their only child, so she lost her entire family that day, and is left with only a few distant relations who are essentially strangers. We, her in-laws, are what she's got when it comes to family.
Chris says she's a wreck, of course. She hasn't talked to anyone but him and the authorities involved, won't see anyone, etc. I want so badly to help her, but don't even know where to begin. Other than making sure she knows I'm here anytime, I've just given her space, and told Chris they're invited to spend Christmas here if they want. I thought they might want to get away from everything for a few days and be relieved of the pressure of decorating, cooking, and generally having to fake holiday enthusiasm for their daughter, but they're going to stay home by themselves.
What can I do that might actually be helpful? Perhaps more importantly, what should I avoid doing?
Ugh. I don't really expect anyone here to have any magic answers, but maybe a few of you have been through something similar and have a little wisdom to offer, or even just something I haven't thought of...
It's worth a try.
(See?! I almost wrote "It's worth a shot" before realizing how awful that phrase is, given the context. And if this had been a spoken conversation, I may not have caught it before it was uttered. Imagining what it could do if I had one little unconscious slip-up like that around her. JFC.)
Hailing Mary in Haley,
Ellie
