Ok, people, I need your opinions on this situation...

[lilminx]

I've been seeing someone for a few months (four, I think). We are not exclusive, but we get along pretty well. Well, he's been very busy with work lately (he's a cop); I haven't seen him in over 2 weeks, and haven't spoken to him in almost one. Once in a while we chat online (the last time I chatted with him was Friday, and we haven't spoken or chatted since).

He lives in NJ, and I live in NY, which does make it more difficult to see each other. However, I feel that he should want to take some time out of his day (like 5 minutes) to call me once in a while. I don't want to call him to bother him because I know how busy he is.

Now, here's the question, is he really just busy, or am I being duped? Is it worth it for me to just grin and bear it until the holidays are over, or should I just call it quits with him?

 

[christophe]

I think it is possible you are getting the short end of the stick. Even cops, despite grueling hours get some time off. I dont think an occaisional phone call or email is too much to ask for.

If you are not an exclusive couple, me thinks there are other fish in the see, and I wouldn't wait around for too long.

You just may end up missing another catch even better!

 

[lilminx]

Thanks, Christophe, for your opinion. I think that I may not be the only one too, which is fine. We never established exclusivity. I just feel that if he's seeing someone that often that he doesn't make an effort to get in touch with me, that we should just call things off with each other.

 

[April]

Been there. Ask him point blank, in a nice way, what's going on. Only you can judge if he's putting you on.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Now, here's the question, is he really just busy, or am I being duped? Is it worth it for me to just grin and bear it until the holidays are over, or should I just call it quits with him?

I think if this is the worst of your problems in your relationship then you should grin and bear it for a little while. I sometimes go a month or so between talking to my daughter, and she and are very close.

I know this is different, but if it is that important to you to talk to him then give him a call, tell him you hadn't heard from in a while and were wondering what is happening. Setup up a face to face date if you can.

I think it is a huge jump to say you are being duped/etc. - sometimes people just get really busy and tired. Some of us guys can be really bad about keeping in contact with people. It doesn't mean he doesn't care.

I don't think much of the advice to go looking elsewhere - it is hard enough to find someone you like without starting all over again. Of course, you probably have guys beating a path to your door - I know I would if you were in Seattle.

 

[christophe]

Been there. Ask him point blank, in a nice way, what's going on. Only you can judge if he's putting you on.

I agree with April. Tell him you value his honesty, and if he is seeing others, then you can judge then and there what direction you wish to take.

PS please call me Chris

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

I can only think of one thing to say. Same advice I give everyone with this kind of question.

Think with your heart, and this sounds wrong but. Be selfish at this subject. Do what is best for you. If he gets hurt over it, isn't that better then the both of you getting hurt? (i'm mixing up my words again... I hate english so things look babbely... I hope it didn't confuse)

If you call him while he is busy, at least it will put your mind at ease and mabey he'll get the point to call you. If you think you should move on but stay for his sake. your hurting yourself and him. If you think you should move on and you do, yes you will still get hurt but isn't that a better way of being hurt cause you can eventualy do something about it? It's all up to you, but like I said fallow your heart... (and if any of that confused you... sorry)

 

[lilminx]

Re: Re: Ok, people, I need your opinions on this situation...

I think if this is the worst of your problems in your relationship then you should grin and bear it for a little while. I sometimes go a month or so between talking to my daughter, and she and are very close.
I know this is different, but if it is that important to you to talk to him then give him a call, tell him you hadn't heard from in a while and were wondering what is happening. Setup up a face to face date if you can.
I think it is a huge jump to say you are being duped/etc. - sometimes people just get really busy and tired. Some of us guys can be really bad about keeping in contact with people. It doesn't mean he doesn't care.
I don't think much of the advice to go looking elsewhere - it is hard enough to find someone you like without starting all over again. Of course, you probably have guys beating a path to your door - I know I would if you were in Seattle.

STG- I was thinking along similar lines, because contrary to what you and STP think, I am one of the single women here who actually LIKES nice guys, and this one is a truly nice guy. No, really, he is. A real sweetheart. However, I need SEX!!! I am going freakin' crazy without it. And no amount of masturbating is comparable to the real thing. This is the longest I've gone without sex while I'm seeing someone and it sucks. I am seriously crawling the walls. He is one person with whom I am *extremely* sexually compatible with.

Sorry, Chris- I was just calling you by your handle.

April- I have asked him before and he's told me that he's just very busy with work and that he's not seeing anyone else. When I think about it, however, I don't think I'd tell him that I'm seeing anyone else either- it's just not my way. If we're not exclusive, I feel it's better not to know about other people because it may cause hurt feeling or jealousy. However, if he was seeing someone else to the point where it was getting serious I would want to know.

Oh, and thank you for the compliment, STG.

 

[Thumper]

Call him

But don't just assume it is he that doesn't want to see you. Maybe he is thinking you are no longer interested because you haven't called him.

Crossed signals...erroneous assumptions...nissed signs.

He could be thinking you are wanting some distance and respecting that.

Never know until you call him. Just say "Hi" take it from there.

Good luck.

 

[Jaded1]

Ho,HO,HO..................

Well, lilminx I think you're best qualified to answer your own question. I just think you're in need of possibly support. Fact is he is a officer of the law. He is sworn to serve and protect. This is the holiday season and is probably working long hours. He also has his family to be concerned with this holiday season. The family get togethers and so on. I'll bet you have been busy with the holidays also! Many men seem to loose track of time when very busy. As a woman you know men usually don't multi task very well. I say give him until after the holidays. Then if you don't hear from him kick'm to the curb.

Oh, Did I mention I'm available

Jaded1, CT

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Re: Re: Re: Ok, people, I need your opinions on this situation...

STG- I was thinking along similar lines, because contrary to what you and STP think, I am one of the single women here who actually LIKES nice guys, and this one is a truly nice guy. No, really, he is. A real sweetheart.

Well, seemingly contrary to what I said (but not really), I don't think most women are mixed up in this regard - just some - and it happens frequently enough that it is frustrating. Sure there are nice ladies out there, and sure some of them are single, but sometimes when I do meet someone with whom I feel I am compatible with, she exhibits that behavior or sentiment. Hasn't really happened recently that I know of, but it doesn't mean it isn't frustrating.

However, I need SEX!!! I am going freakin' crazy without it.

Pop down to see him for a quicky.

Oh, and thank you for the compliment, STG.

Anytime - just keep those magnificent breasts of yours in your Av, and let me know if you ever move to Seattle.

 

[Rubyfruit]

lilminx,

I know how you're feeling. I don't need constant reassurance, but a girl needs to know she's wanted! I think a week without a call is borderline. For relationships to grow, they need tending.

If I were you, I'd maybe try to find somebody else to date, since he is so busy right now. If he comes around and you're still interested, see where it goes. If not, at least you won't be sitting home waiting for his calls.

 

[lilminx]

lilminx,

I know how you're feeling. I don't need constant reassurance, but a girl needs to know she's wanted! I think a week without a call is borderline. For relationships to grow, they need tending.

If I were you, I'd maybe try to find somebody else to date, since he is so busy right now. If he comes around and you're still interested, see where it goes. If not, at least you won't be sitting home waiting for his calls.

Glad you can relate, Ruby. I am actaully dating someone else too, but he was away visitng family for a couple of weeks, and now that he's back he has a shitload of work to catch up on, so he's out of commision for me as well. I sure know how to pick 'em, don't I? I am now on the lookout for a third

For those of you who suggested I call him, I did- I got his cell phone and left a message.
STG- I would definitely pop over there for a quickie, but I can't even get in touch with him, let alone see him. The other problem is that I have to go through Manhattan to get to where he lives, so it's really a pain in the ass- sometimes it takes about an hour to get to him. We both have busy lives (him more so than me), so it's not easy for us to make plans on weeknights.

Jaded- thanks for the offer, but it's hard enough for me to see someone in NJ- CT would be even worse, I'm thinking.

I need to find someone who can be at my place (or me at his) when I want it. As I've said before, I am the Queen of Instant Gratification! (See first quote in sig line- that's my sentiment right now).

 

[nasty]

I went through the EXACT same thing, with my last gf. Sounds to me your being avoided. I'm free tomm. night, btw.

 

[paganangel]

I need to find someone who can be at my place (or me at his) when I want it. As I've said before, I am the Queen of Instant Gratification! (See first quote in sig line- that's my sentiment right now).

dowe realy have to go throguh this agin?

 

[lilminx]

PA- no we don't! You know why I don't want anything sexual with you anymore- it's done and over with. I want somoene where there is potential for more, and you and I both know there isn't potential for more. We HATED each other when we were dating.

 

[sch00lteacher]

I've been seeing someone for a few months (four, I think). We are not exclusive, but we get along pretty well. Well, he's been very busy with work lately (he's a cop

Now, here's the question, is he really just busy, or am I being duped? Is it worth it for me to just grin and bear it until the holidays are over, or should I just call it quits with him?

I can only speak for myself, and not a whole group of people. But...

I was a cop for three years in uniform, then went to street clothes, then quit due to my arthritis.

Cops are never busy unless something is going on right that minuet, or something went on, and they have to write it up.

The rest of the time is spent trying to find something to do. Driving around, bullshitting with people. Sitting and watching. Talking about women.

Mornings are busy, due to traffic. Afternoons the same. Evening shift is pretty busy. Midnights suck after one or two. Nothing goes on.

Cops don't have work to do on days off. No paperwork to catch up on, that kinda thing.

Sorry but this post kinda sucks doesn't it. Sorry, I really am.

 

[Babydoll5272]

My two cents worth

Since you both decided that this was not an exclusive relationship from the beginning, the chances are high that he is seeing someone else. And if you are not comfortable which it seems you are not, with his occasional contact with you. Then you should let the relationship go, and try to find someone else.

Chalk it up to a short fling, a learning experience, or a relationship that just didnt take off. But as you stated there are other fish in the sea. Personally, I have read many posts of yours, and I am sure you will have no time finding the type of relationship you are searching for!

Happy Holidays
DOLL

 

[Cheyenne]

PA- no we don't! You know why I don't want anything sexual with you anymore- it's done and over with. I want somoene where there is potential for more, and you and I both know there isn't potential for more. We HATED each other when we were dating.

Shouldn't this post be on PA's thread asking what people think of him?

 

[SINthysist]

You sound insecure, dependent. That could be turning him off.

I know it sure the hell pisses me off when my wife calls, just to say she's not very busy and wanted to talk. Makes me want to retch. I hate talking on the phone. It's not a person, it's a fawking piece of plastic for gawd's sake.

 

[Vinny]

I've been seeing someone for a few months (four, I think). We are not exclusive, but we get along pretty well. Well, he's been very busy with work lately (he's a cop); I haven't seen him in over 2 weeks, and haven't spoken to him in almost one. Once in a while we chat online (the last time I chatted with him was Friday, and we haven't spoken or chatted since).

He lives in NJ, and I live in NY, which does make it more difficult to see each other. However, I feel that he should want to take some time out of his day (like 5 minutes) to call me once in a while. I don't want to call him to bother him because I know how busy he is.

Now, here's the question, is he really just busy, or am I being duped? Is it worth it for me to just grin and bear it until the holidays are over, or should I just call it quits with him?

Hang in there Darling. Either he will come around or the right man will Hugs Vinny

 

[lilminx]

You sound insecure, dependent. That could be turning him off.

I know it sure the hell pisses me off when my wife calls, just to say she's not very busy and wanted to talk. Makes me want to retch. I hate talking on the phone. It's not a person, it's a fawking piece of plastic for gawd's sake.

I am not insecure about him and me, nor am I dependent upon him AT ALL. I don't care that we don't talk every day, or that we normally don't see each other every week. I just think it's odd that I haven't seen him in over two weeks and I haven't heard from him (via phone or online) in one week. I just thought that he should touch base once in a while just to let me know that he's alive. He works in robbery and homicide for the Newark police dept; who knows what the hell might happen there?