OK lets lighten it up here!!!

[sb2009]

I was thinking of the early days of fucking my mayun. When he lived about 12 hours away and we would visit and I would be so damned sore at the end of the visit, raw and sore from fucking LOL The drive home would be delicious.

Anyway, on one visit we played a lot with food. The typical sensual stuff. And then he decided to fuck me with a candy bar. A snickers. Because I couldn't see it I asked wtf he was fucking me with. He said "A really big snickers bar."

And that just for some reason was so horribly NOT SEXY. Just really funny. So we laughed and laughed and laughed.

 

[Sharpened]

2 muffins were baking in an oven. The first muffin turns to the second and said "Gee, it's getting kind of hot in here." The second muffin screams "Oh my God, it's a talking muffin!"

 

[Cattypuss]

My man had me lying face-down on the bed and came in with a bowl from the kitchen with something in that he was sloshing his fingers around in. Then dragged his wet fingers along my back.

I asked what was in the bowl (it was in fact massage oil)... he said "fish guts".

Total mirth-induced passion-killer lol.

 

[Stella_Omega]

My Gf fucked me with a popsicle once, until it completely melted... I was laughing, and yelling at her to stop, and damn.

 

[graceanne]

2 muffins were baking in an oven. The first muffin turns to the second and said "Gee, it's getting kind of hot in here." The second muffin screams "Oh my God, it's a talking muffin!"

ROFL

I told K I'd nicknamed his Penis Darth Vader.

There are no words to describe the look he gave me. Once I could breathe again, I said 'well I could have nicknamed it pretty pretty princess' and he gave me another LOOK and said 'that would have never happened'.

Yeah, I giggled for most of the night. Totally made my day.

 

[laceandcogs]

Two baby snakes are wandering through the desert when one stops and asks his friend "Hey, dude, are we poisonous?" The second snake says "I don't think so, but why?" Gravely, the first whispers "Because...I just bit my tongue."

 

[KoPilot]

ROFL

I told K I'd nicknamed his Penis Darth Vader.

There are no words to describe the look he gave me. Once I could breathe again, I said 'well I could have nicknamed it pretty pretty princess' and he gave me another LOOK and said 'that would have never happened'.

Yeah, I giggled for most of the night. Totally made my day.

-is tempted to make a "dick names" thread-

 

[NomadLady]

-is tempted to make a "dick names" thread-

Go for it....I'd love to read those stories....

 

[o2bebd]

My "near death" experience

When I left my ex-husband, I woke him up at 8 am and told him I was leaving him and was in my new apartment by 2 pm. I did not have a thing packed. My brothers, sister in law and two young nephews were my movers. They knew I was leaving him, but it was a surprise to him. He was not to happy to say the least. We got into a verbal argument and one of the last things I said to him was that he could be replaced by a machine (ie a vibrator). It was a childish comment, but he had just invited my older brother out onto the front yard. So...
Not even a week later, I am in my new apartment, masturbating with my wand vibrator. The damn thing broke in half! All the inner wires were all over my stomach. I went from being excited to Oh Shit I am going to die and found in this position! I quickly scrambled and unplugged the damn thing! It must have been damaged in the move is all I can figure. It is a lot funnier now than it was at that moment!

 

[midwestyankee]

I was thinking of the early days of fucking my mayun. When he lived about 12 hours away and we would visit and I would be so damned sore at the end of the visit, raw and sore from fucking LOL The drive home would be delicious.

Anyway, on one visit we played a lot with food. The typical sensual stuff. And then he decided to fuck me with a candy bar. A snickers. Because I couldn't see it I asked wtf he was fucking me with. He said "A really big snickers bar."

And that just for some reason was so horribly NOT SEXY. Just really funny. So we laughed and laughed and laughed.

Snickers suck....no stamina. Almond Joy for the win.

 

[o2bebd]

Snickers suck....no stamina. Almond Joy for the win.

What about Oh Henry? Ok it is a lame joke, but I had to go for it.