Ok... I'll give it a try.

[CollegeGuy2002]

Can only lurk so long....

Would love to hear what people think of some of my ramblings. Feedback is always a plus...

One for tonight:

"I Know Not"

I know not why I do the things I do,
I know not why I sleep with you,
I know not why you are here,
I know only I wish you to be near.

I think not what to say,
I think not what to play,
I think not what we are,
I think only you are my star.

I feel not when we are together,
I feel not when we have bad weather,
I feel not when, nor where
I feel only the wind in my hair.

I know not why life is so,
I know not why I can't let go,
I know not why you are here,
I know only I wish you to be near.

 

[thenry]

This seems to be written to someone, so I won't comment on subject matter. Aside from that, the strength of the poem is your build on repetition. Both the build and the repetition are weakened for me when the rhythm of the lines, usually the fourth in a set, trips over extra words and syllables.

On a second reading, it may be the word "only" which trips me every time, the emphasis is wrong for the rest of the paired syllables, and the third line and occasionally others are just the wrong number of syllables in some stanzas. You are building on even numbers of syllables and a very regular stressed rhythm:

> for stressed, - for unstressed.

- > - > - >
I think not what to say,

- > - > - >
I think not what to play,

- > - > - >
I think not what we are,

- > > - - > - >
I think on-ly you are my star.


It's difficult to start a set pattern like that and not stick to it all the way. It just happens almost by itself if you repeat enough of each line.

****
Okay, a viewing of my post demonstrates the extra spaces to put the marks over the right word were in vain. Any readers will just have to count.

 

[CollegeGuy2002]

Hmmm given those thoughts, I think you are right that the meter is off. So heres another effort...

"I Know Not"

I know not why I feel so blue,
I know not why I sleep with you,
I know not why you are here,
I know I wish you were near.

I think not what to say,
I think not what to play,
I think not what we are,
I think you are my star.

I feel not when we are together,
I feel not when we have bad weather,
I feel not a when, nor where
I feel your wind in my hair.

I know not why life is so,
I know not why I can't let go,
I know not why you are here,
I know I wish you were near.