OK... i want responses especially from women, on this poem, locals

[pale_fire]

One sex
I have heard that we are both the same
Their concavity is our extremity
Our tip, their nub

In the hot soak of the lonely tub
My breath deepens
I stiffen from touches more subtle than most
Inner hips, calves, forearms

In the warm flickering light I gaze down
Is my foreskin a rearrangement of her protecting outer lips?
I miss those lips
Their warmth
I stiffen fully

By balls, her eggs
My cock tip, her red nub
My precome, her come

I miss
I twitch
I carress

Extended, my outer lips are taut, up and down
My shiny tip
My red
Our shinyness

Tugging and nudging
My tiny cunt opens
Winking open like a smiling eye
I see a fold, a bridge inside

I tickle it
A new way to walk towards coming
No I sprint
Caressing my newfound cunttip

I miss her less

When I cum I will gaze
As close as I can
Because I want it all.

 

[keesli moloko]

I admire how brave you are.

It's a huge step to post your poetry, at least for me it is. Especially when it's about such experiences. So you have my vote for that alone.

Now, the poem itself.
I was emotionally moved and it also had a great concept, so... awesome.

The flow was interrupted for me at the line:
my balls, her eggs

The "eggs" part threw off my imagery, but maybe that's just an individual response and it worked for others.
I would re-arrange the lines:
I miss
I twitch
I caress

and put them in the order of your experience within the poem. I beleive that would have "I caress" be first and "I twitch" last.

And then, the last nit-picky thing is using "shiny" more than once and in fact, using it at all. You are using powerful, sexual words and that brings with it some powerful imagery but "shiny" doesn't fit that idea, I don't think.

Again, just my thoughts, as you requested... so there you are.

Please feel free to pm me for a better explanation or to tell me to shove it.

Still just an awesome poem, thanks for sharing.

take care,

keesli