oh, the humanity!!!

rae121452

Literotica Guru
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Jul 18, 2017
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i'm still trembling as i type this. i decided to take a little nap this afternoon after cocktail hour and was frightened out of my sleep! at first i thought it was halloween and someone had thoughtfully placed a jack o'lantern in my bedroom window. then it blinked.
i adjusted my glasses and there was this...this....CREATURE looking in the window at me. i could barely describe what species it is, let alone what sex. it had dead white skin, dyed (badly) black hair and was wearing black eye makeup that looked like a cross between alice cooper and kemtone roller. hideous, hideous! it gibbered and drooled and pressed its big fat face against the glass, all the while staring at me through those soulless eyes! when it noticed i had seen it, it ran away and i got to the window just in time to see its bloated body, clad in a black tee shirt dress, disappear into the shrubberies!
i'm thoroughly unnerved. i know it wasn't one of the followers, as miss candi calls them. they politely ring the bell and then want to hold onto my babybump and chant or else they give me ancient amulets or dead animals. i've seen this hideous apparition somewhere before but i'm just too shook to even think!
i told worthless babydaddy when he came over to rifle through my underwear drawer. he went into the back yard and goose stepped and seig heiled for a few minutes until one of the neighbors shot him in the ass with a pellet gun and he ran back indoors.

why is this nauseating creature peeking in my window?
 
So I called that Nazi satanist priest- who STILL thinks I'm a Filipino mail-order bride by the way. Like STILL. I was gonna tell you that they are prepping that midnight 'cleansing' ritual thing for the baby shower, but it really seems like they're doing it potluck and I swear to god every time they do that it's overrepresented on deserts and underrepresented on sides and they're doing blood and maroon for the colors which is like, totally an autumn theme and it's the middle of summer so I feel like whatever at this point. Like I know you wanted me to talk to him but he keeps hitting on me and having stupid-ass ideas about the shower.

Oh and when I asked him who was at the window he said it totally wasn't one of them and to use the "black sun" rune amulet and then starting chanting about a "dark planet lit by no sun" but I super don't remember which one that is and I wanted to get out of there because I knew if I stuck around he'd give me something to get for the potluck and I'm not getting roped into all that. They're supposed to do that. I got the venue.

Oh, also, he wanted to know if you're having any weird pregnancy cravings like pizza and ice cream or live rats.
 
So I called that Nazi satanist priest- who STILL thinks I'm a Filipino mail-order bride by the way. Like STILL. I was gonna tell you that they are prepping that midnight 'cleansing' ritual thing for the baby shower, but it really seems like they're doing it potluck and I swear to god every time they do that it's overrepresented on deserts and underrepresented on sides and they're doing blood and maroon for the colors which is like, totally an autumn theme and it's the middle of summer so I feel like whatever at this point. Like I know you wanted me to talk to him but he keeps hitting on me and having stupid-ass ideas about the shower.

Oh and when I asked him who was at the window he said it totally wasn't one of them and to use the "black sun" rune amulet and then starting chanting about a "dark planet lit by no sun" but I super don't remember which one that is and I wanted to get out of there because I knew if I stuck around he'd give me something to get for the potluck and I'm not getting roped into all that. They're supposed to do that. I got the venue.

Oh, also, he wanted to know if you're having any weird pregnancy cravings like pizza and ice cream or live rats.

rats, locusts, toads...all of the above. and i know that you're worrying about finishing up the layette but, seriously, darling. i just don't think you have the time or the upper body strength to hand monogram all of those teensy little straitjackets. even tho the sentiment is much appreciated. MAYBE you could dye some restraints in festive pastel shades for the tyke!
 
Oh, that's just Cuntarii, she's jealous.


oh, no! she knows where i live....oh, wait. babydaddy probably had her over there doing the nasty when i wasn't home, just like every other broken down drag queen in town. do you think garlic wreathes and wolfbane would help keep her away?
 
oh, no! she knows where i live....oh, wait. babydaddy probably had her over there doing the nasty when i wasn't home, just like every other broken down drag queen in town. do you think garlic wreathes and wolfbane would help keep her away?

Doubt it.
I'll try baiting her with cheap makeup and costume wigs. Got my water pistol mounted on my atv in anticipation. She's melting! You rest easy lil' mama.
 
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