twelveoone
ground zero
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2004
- Posts
- 5,882
from the personal jesus thread
First, I thank you, all comments meant something to me. A measure of your effort against a opinions of people that you respect. Tarablackwood22's comment, very outspoken woman, I loved her. Not one to mince words, note in bold.
08/22/04 by tarablackwood22
This is a truly beautiful poem, with so many stunning moments. I admire that the verse you post now is so carefully considered, the words so wonderfully chosen. The last two poems you posted have been so powerful, a thousand times better than that mess you got an 'E' hooked onto.
I find it a bit frustrating that you punctuate strayly. I think you need consistency there - either do it all, or not at all. If you put a comma after "ghost", you have to have one after "am" in the previous line. If you 'comma', you need to 'question mark' and 'period' also. The read would be so much clearer, and smoother.
It also frustrates me that you write flowing verse and then end a stanza with forced minimalism. Again, I think it needs to be one or the other. Such a beautiful stanza as the one that begins with "Did you see me in the cold rain" (which needs a comma after 'ghost'),gorgeous from beginning to almost-end, finishes with an ugly line that does not fit style-wise or euphonically.
It needs to be either:
to occluded streams (with the 's')
~or~
to an occluded stream.
This is truly great stuff, and needs so little more to polish it completely.
Which, I've been trying to do for two years.
But, this I found very interesting, I was surprised to see it still up. It was slated to be deleted. I was in the process of clearing my stuff out. I assume it had an H, a score of 4.53. For some reason it was visited, lowered, without comment, Oh sorry, No H. Funny, the last thing I submitted, which I believe was the only one you left a comment on, and Flyguy did also, was later visited in the space of half an hour, without comment insuring no H, no top list. I was later surprised that when, the numbers where rerun, an H. appeared I don't dare suppose the one that cries the most about the cruel critics , or his largely chanting fans would know anything about it.
"pathetic" which is alright for them to use, but was stolen from Senna Jawa in reference to a poem.
"negative" which he was accused of because of his persistent attacks, but he has turned on every one else.
Easier to accuse. I left something like 900 comments, most as lame as the next guy's. Most 100's, a few 75's some of which I am sorry for. I apologise to Lauren Hynde (I was misreading it, and it was pointed out to me by an unexpected source. ) and one on Champ which took her out of some popularity contest and her's was the better of the two.
I left a handful of 50's. I can tell you on whose, 2 for sack, 1 on Rybka, 1 on Angeline, they are all good to excellent writers. Oh and 1 on some bag of wind that thought it was Zen to stare down Hurrican Rita. Dumb and pretensious. Easier to accuse...my legacy since then has been famous for the comments or scores I didn't leave, catching him at least three times of infering or accusing.
And by this jack ass I have also been accused of being at least five other people. Only one of which he knows, because I told him. Anonamouse, a totally non-pompous name, I might point out. That lesson was lost on him, it is easier to write down than up.
I regret nothing but those two apologies for the 75's, and I was a little too lose with the 100's, not knowing or caring at the time about top lists, H's and all that crap that can be so easily manipulated.
Best of luck to those that will have to deal with Vox Ignoranti, and their silent revenge.
And I will be (gone)...best to you my most respected adversary at times.TheRainMan said:
First, I thank you, all comments meant something to me. A measure of your effort against a opinions of people that you respect. Tarablackwood22's comment, very outspoken woman, I loved her. Not one to mince words, note in bold.
08/22/04 by tarablackwood22
This is a truly beautiful poem, with so many stunning moments. I admire that the verse you post now is so carefully considered, the words so wonderfully chosen. The last two poems you posted have been so powerful, a thousand times better than that mess you got an 'E' hooked onto.
I find it a bit frustrating that you punctuate strayly. I think you need consistency there - either do it all, or not at all. If you put a comma after "ghost", you have to have one after "am" in the previous line. If you 'comma', you need to 'question mark' and 'period' also. The read would be so much clearer, and smoother.
It also frustrates me that you write flowing verse and then end a stanza with forced minimalism. Again, I think it needs to be one or the other. Such a beautiful stanza as the one that begins with "Did you see me in the cold rain" (which needs a comma after 'ghost'),gorgeous from beginning to almost-end, finishes with an ugly line that does not fit style-wise or euphonically.
It needs to be either:
to occluded streams (with the 's')
~or~
to an occluded stream.
This is truly great stuff, and needs so little more to polish it completely.
Which, I've been trying to do for two years.
But, this I found very interesting, I was surprised to see it still up. It was slated to be deleted. I was in the process of clearing my stuff out. I assume it had an H, a score of 4.53. For some reason it was visited, lowered, without comment, Oh sorry, No H. Funny, the last thing I submitted, which I believe was the only one you left a comment on, and Flyguy did also, was later visited in the space of half an hour, without comment insuring no H, no top list. I was later surprised that when, the numbers where rerun, an H. appeared I don't dare suppose the one that cries the most about the cruel critics , or his largely chanting fans would know anything about it.
"pathetic" which is alright for them to use, but was stolen from Senna Jawa in reference to a poem.
"negative" which he was accused of because of his persistent attacks, but he has turned on every one else.
Easier to accuse. I left something like 900 comments, most as lame as the next guy's. Most 100's, a few 75's some of which I am sorry for. I apologise to Lauren Hynde (I was misreading it, and it was pointed out to me by an unexpected source. ) and one on Champ which took her out of some popularity contest and her's was the better of the two.
I left a handful of 50's. I can tell you on whose, 2 for sack, 1 on Rybka, 1 on Angeline, they are all good to excellent writers. Oh and 1 on some bag of wind that thought it was Zen to stare down Hurrican Rita. Dumb and pretensious. Easier to accuse...my legacy since then has been famous for the comments or scores I didn't leave, catching him at least three times of infering or accusing.
And by this jack ass I have also been accused of being at least five other people. Only one of which he knows, because I told him. Anonamouse, a totally non-pompous name, I might point out. That lesson was lost on him, it is easier to write down than up.
I regret nothing but those two apologies for the 75's, and I was a little too lose with the 100's, not knowing or caring at the time about top lists, H's and all that crap that can be so easily manipulated.
Best of luck to those that will have to deal with Vox Ignoranti, and their silent revenge.
