PressNightly
Experienced
- Joined
- May 16, 2011
- Posts
- 94
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I just 3 hours ago laid it all on the line. I might be a bit incoherent because I'm still in shock. I got home from school (vocational-free-on-the-federal-dime school) today, the kids were asleep and my wife was already in bed reading the Dresden files like I trained her (
). And I locked the bedroom door behind me, she thought I wanted sex, but instead I told her everything.
I told her about some stuff that happened to me when I was a kid, every painful detail, I told her about how it has affected my life and drove me to drugs. I told her that I was confused about how I have been feeling lately, but at the last minute I chickened out. I told her that I couldn't talk about some stuff because I'm still not quite comfortable with who I am yet, and then retreated to the shower to keep from fainting.
And then I realized something, not only had I never really been honest with my wife, ever, at the same time I wasn't really being honest with myself either, as much as I tried to tell everyone else otherwise.
So I toweled off and went back into the bedroom. She was still really absorbing everything that I had told her, and I said "There's more. I really really don't know how to say this, and I don't know how you're going to feel about me after I tell you this. Understand I have never cheated on you and don't ever plan to. but...."
At which point she chimed in with "You like guys?"
I was dumbstruck, the only thing that flashed through my head was: So it's that obvious huh?
It took me a second to respond, and I told her yes, that I loved her more than anyone has ever loved a person, but that I fantasized pretty much constantly about cock.
----------------------
Now before I go on I feel I have to give some background info on my wife, she comes from a very large familly and an extremely religious background. She has always acted repulsed at the idea of alternate sexuality. She has done everything over the years to show to me that telling her what I was thinking would be the instant and painful end of our marriage.
And lord knows she has enough ammo to take the kids from me in a divorce if she ever chose to. So I knew what a gamble I was taking, I was betting both my happiness and that of her and my kids. If I'd just been betting money I would have never taken those odds. But I also knew that keeping it a secret any longer would kill me as swiftly and surely as a bullet.
-----------------------------------------
She looked at me and asked 'Are you going to leave me for another man?'
I said, 'If I ever thought you believed that I wouldn't want to live anymore.' (the truth, and only the truth)
'Are you still attracted to me?'
'Yes'.
I sat down next to her on the bed at this point and she was quiet for a long time. I started feeling faint again, and I had to lie down on the ground or I would have gone toes up. I was just waiting for her to tell me to go out and sleep on the couch, or pack up my stuff and leave, or anything other than what she said.
Finally, and with excrutiating slowness she turned to face me. Then she looked right in my eyes and said: "So I suppose you're going to want to have a 3 way now with another guy?" She said it with a nervous laugh, only half serious, but her eyes were clear as saphires.
My first instinct was to say "No never, you're all I need!" or something else similarly stupid. But instead I remembered that I'm never going to lie to her again. So instead what I heard come out of my mouth was: "Only if you're ok with it."
She nodded once. Just that, but man was that enough.
She said "You know, cheating on me with a guy is the same as cheating with me on a woman, you know that." To which I replied "Yes." then after a second I added, "Only if you're there to take the pictures." And a huge grin split her face.
Then she went on to tell me that she thinks what happened to me is more common than most people think, and considering what I've been through, it's not that weird that I've thought about the same sex, and that she thinks most people have at one time or another. Then she told me that I wasn't the only one who was wrestling with really painful stuff. I won't tell her story because it's not mine to share. But after we'd finished with a really good hug and cry session I jokingly said to her "So am I going to get really lucky and have you tell me you're into girls?" (That would be every dream I've ever had come true at the same moment)
She looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and said "You know it baby!" By her tone of voice she was totally joking, but I know my wife, and she couldn't have confirmed it more solidly.
After that we had the most mind blowing sex we have ever had, I mean it was straight up missionary. No toys, no funny business, just pure, plain love between soulmates, the best I have ever had.
Sorry this has been a really long post, and I know there's maybe one person on these boards who's still reading at this point, but I just needed to tell someone, everyone what happened. This is 100% the truth, undiluted, untwisted.
I feel like I'm alive for the first time in 20 years and I just need to shout it to the heavens or anyone who's listening that I'm ALIVE! I WILL NEVER BE ASHAMED OF MYSELF AGAIN!
There I go blubbering like a baby again. Gotta go get some tissues and stop crying like a girl.
So all you guys who are like me and lust after cock while still cherishing your wife... Don't give up hope. If you both truly love each other then there's better than even chances she already knows, and probably has for a very long time. And if you take a chance, you might just get the biggest suprise of your life.
I just 3 hours ago laid it all on the line. I might be a bit incoherent because I'm still in shock. I got home from school (vocational-free-on-the-federal-dime school) today, the kids were asleep and my wife was already in bed reading the Dresden files like I trained her (
). And I locked the bedroom door behind me, she thought I wanted sex, but instead I told her everything.I told her about some stuff that happened to me when I was a kid, every painful detail, I told her about how it has affected my life and drove me to drugs. I told her that I was confused about how I have been feeling lately, but at the last minute I chickened out. I told her that I couldn't talk about some stuff because I'm still not quite comfortable with who I am yet, and then retreated to the shower to keep from fainting.
And then I realized something, not only had I never really been honest with my wife, ever, at the same time I wasn't really being honest with myself either, as much as I tried to tell everyone else otherwise.
So I toweled off and went back into the bedroom. She was still really absorbing everything that I had told her, and I said "There's more. I really really don't know how to say this, and I don't know how you're going to feel about me after I tell you this. Understand I have never cheated on you and don't ever plan to. but...."
At which point she chimed in with "You like guys?"
I was dumbstruck, the only thing that flashed through my head was: So it's that obvious huh?
It took me a second to respond, and I told her yes, that I loved her more than anyone has ever loved a person, but that I fantasized pretty much constantly about cock.
----------------------
Now before I go on I feel I have to give some background info on my wife, she comes from a very large familly and an extremely religious background. She has always acted repulsed at the idea of alternate sexuality. She has done everything over the years to show to me that telling her what I was thinking would be the instant and painful end of our marriage.
And lord knows she has enough ammo to take the kids from me in a divorce if she ever chose to. So I knew what a gamble I was taking, I was betting both my happiness and that of her and my kids. If I'd just been betting money I would have never taken those odds. But I also knew that keeping it a secret any longer would kill me as swiftly and surely as a bullet.
-----------------------------------------
She looked at me and asked 'Are you going to leave me for another man?'
I said, 'If I ever thought you believed that I wouldn't want to live anymore.' (the truth, and only the truth)
'Are you still attracted to me?'
'Yes'.
I sat down next to her on the bed at this point and she was quiet for a long time. I started feeling faint again, and I had to lie down on the ground or I would have gone toes up. I was just waiting for her to tell me to go out and sleep on the couch, or pack up my stuff and leave, or anything other than what she said.
Finally, and with excrutiating slowness she turned to face me. Then she looked right in my eyes and said: "So I suppose you're going to want to have a 3 way now with another guy?" She said it with a nervous laugh, only half serious, but her eyes were clear as saphires.
My first instinct was to say "No never, you're all I need!" or something else similarly stupid. But instead I remembered that I'm never going to lie to her again. So instead what I heard come out of my mouth was: "Only if you're ok with it."
She nodded once. Just that, but man was that enough.
She said "You know, cheating on me with a guy is the same as cheating with me on a woman, you know that." To which I replied "Yes." then after a second I added, "Only if you're there to take the pictures." And a huge grin split her face.
Then she went on to tell me that she thinks what happened to me is more common than most people think, and considering what I've been through, it's not that weird that I've thought about the same sex, and that she thinks most people have at one time or another. Then she told me that I wasn't the only one who was wrestling with really painful stuff. I won't tell her story because it's not mine to share. But after we'd finished with a really good hug and cry session I jokingly said to her "So am I going to get really lucky and have you tell me you're into girls?" (That would be every dream I've ever had come true at the same moment)
She looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and said "You know it baby!" By her tone of voice she was totally joking, but I know my wife, and she couldn't have confirmed it more solidly.
After that we had the most mind blowing sex we have ever had, I mean it was straight up missionary. No toys, no funny business, just pure, plain love between soulmates, the best I have ever had.
Sorry this has been a really long post, and I know there's maybe one person on these boards who's still reading at this point, but I just needed to tell someone, everyone what happened. This is 100% the truth, undiluted, untwisted.
I feel like I'm alive for the first time in 20 years and I just need to shout it to the heavens or anyone who's listening that I'm ALIVE! I WILL NEVER BE ASHAMED OF MYSELF AGAIN!
There I go blubbering like a baby again. Gotta go get some tissues and stop crying like a girl.
So all you guys who are like me and lust after cock while still cherishing your wife... Don't give up hope. If you both truly love each other then there's better than even chances she already knows, and probably has for a very long time. And if you take a chance, you might just get the biggest suprise of your life.
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