Offering Service vs Obeying Commands

[RJMasters]

just taking a poll please feel free to add comments. Thanks

 

[Quint]

.............

 

[RJMasters]

If I understand your question correctly, you're asking for our angle of initiative. I.e.:

Obedience model
Sir: Off with my shoes, wench!
Slut: Yea, verily.

vs.

Offering service model
Slut: Good sir, prithee allow this one to assist in the removal of thine footwear.
Sir: Have at it!

Correct? If so, it's a balance for us. Sometimes I have good ideas and like to help out proactively, but other times I'm a lazyass and he makes a not-so-suggestion and I move. It's all about who's feeling high-maintenance that day.

lol the "Ye old english" was a nice touch.

Thank you for your answer and yes you have it correct.

 

[CutieMouse]

I voted even balance, athough it probably isn't... I tend to think of ways to serve people I care for, but usually discover huge, gigantic, gaping swatches of Life in which I could do better... which is where the obeying commands part would come in quite handy...

(Hypothetically speaking, as I'm currently on the opposite side of the whole relationship continuum, from being in a place to serve, or graciously accecpt commands.)

 

[Daddyslilpet]

It's pretty much a balancing act for me too. Which reminds me I have an order to fill today and get off in the mail to Him.

 

[SpectreT]

As a submissive, it'd have to be obedience model. I'm creative and imaginitive, sure. But all the initiative was drained out of me long ago by life in general.

As a dominant, I suppose, I'd prefer more of a balancing act - gives me more ways into an SO's head, so I can be more confident of my judgement.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'm obedience oriented... I need directions and very precise ones. And then sometimes I forget most of it.

I'm a lot like Otto in A Fish Called Wanda... "what was the middle part again?"

 

[RJMasters]

Thank you all for posting thus far. So far its a very close poll. I hope more will continue to vote and post.

I am hoping to ask some questions to spark some discussion after giving people a chance to vote.

 

[Dynny]

obedient, if not told what to do, i tend to do what i feel i should be doing, but that's not as fun.

 

[myinnerslut]

i said even (even though its not 50/50) becuase i love to think of things and do things to make my Sir happy, but i also do love being ordered about

 

[Quint]

.............

 

[FurryFury]

I don't know how to answer this so I'll just say the following:

I always tend to be doing things for others but often I am doing for them what I would want so that doesn't work perfectly.

Except for my online Dom no one gives me orders but I think I respond well to those. That's mostly because I want to and he is so smart and so good at what he does.

Fury

 

[A Desert Rose]

Some thoughts...

I really enjoy thinking of things to please T on my own. Last Friday, I went to Hobby Lobby and went up and down every aisle and picked up every pervertible I could think of. Came home and made a mini-toybox with two new floggers (not too shabby for my first time, either!), a cute little pink-painted paddle with "I my Daddy" embossed on it, some pretty clothespins with danglies hot-glued to them, and a new portable box to put it all in. I love using my creativity and craftsiness in ways that T may not think of. I did something similar for V-day/his birthday (they're a day apart) and that went over really well.

The only problem is that I always expect a big show of surprise and appreciation, and I feel let down if I do something I think is awesome and it gets a lukewarm reception. I guess it's "safer" to wait for him to tell me what he wants because I know he'll like it. But that doesn't challenge me as much or result in the same "above and beyond" feeling of service that I get from coming up with shit on my own. So I'm in a quandary.

Men or non-crafters just have no idea what is involved in this. And many have really no appreciation for the time and imagination it takes to do these things. It's not a fault so much as it's just a lack of understanding. I sew and craft so I know and appreciate what someone does for me. It takes time for someone to do those kinds of things.

 

[CutieMouse]

obedient, if not told what to do, i tend to do what i feel i should be doing, but that's not as fun.

This clicked with me. Doing something I know will make someone else happy, still pales in comparison to successfully doing something I've been told to do; however, the later doesn't prevent me from doing the former as often as possible... I'm not sure if I'm even making any sense.

 

[FurryFury]

I put a LOT of unneeded stress on myself trying to serve people in my life that mostly, don't want to be served. I need to stop that shit.

Fury

 

[RJMasters]

This clicked with me. Doing something I know will make someone else happy, still pales in comparison to successfully doing something I've been told to do; however, the later doesn't prevent me from doing the former as often as possible... I'm not sure if I'm even making any sense.

Makes sense to me.

 

[RJMasters]

I put a LOT of unneeded stress on myself trying to serve people in my life that mostly, don't want to be served. I need to stop that shit.

Fury

Actually, this touches on some of the discussion topics I had in mind, just a slightly different angle. Will continue to wait for a bit, but like to come back to this.

 

[RJMasters]

Men or non-crafters just have no idea what is involved in this. And many have really no appreciation for the time and imagination it takes to do these things. It's not a fault so much as it's just a lack of understanding. I sew and craft so I know and appreciate what someone does for me. It takes time for someone to do those kinds of things.

I see your point and its a good one.

Cool av btw

 

[RJMasters]

Some thoughts...

I really enjoy thinking of things to please T on my own. Last Friday, I went to Hobby Lobby and went up and down every aisle and picked up every pervertible I could think of. Came home and made a mini-toybox with two new floggers (not too shabby for my first time, either!), a cute little pink-painted paddle with "I my Daddy" embossed on it, some pretty clothespins with danglies hot-glued to them, and a new portable box to put it all in. I love using my creativity and craftsiness in ways that T may not think of. I did something similar for V-day/his birthday (they're a day apart) and that went over really well.

The only problem is that I always expect a big show of surprise and appreciation, and I feel let down if I do something I think is awesome and it gets a lukewarm reception. I guess it's "safer" to wait for him to tell me what he wants because I know he'll like it. But that doesn't challenge me as much or result in the same "above and beyond" feeling of service that I get from coming up with shit on my own. So I'm in a quandary.

TY Quint for sharing your thoughts. You touch on a few things here...like expectations and appreciation. I think they are very relavant and interesting in how one "feels" rewarded and how that effects and comes into play in exchange.

I think whether one is offering, obeying or a mixture of both, the desire is to, please their Dominant and in this way I see them be equally good expressions of service and submission.

As I ponder a bit about this, it leads me to one of the main questions I have about this.

Thank you again for sharing.

 

[RJMasters]

i said even (even though its not 50/50) becuase i love to think of things and do things to make my Sir happy, but i also do love being ordered about

Ty for contributing.

 

[RJMasters]

obedient, if not told what to do, i tend to do what i feel i should be doing, but that's not as fun.

Ty Dynny for joining in.

 

[RJMasters]

As a submissive, it'd have to be obedience model. I'm creative and imaginitive, sure. But all the initiative was drained out of me long ago by life in general.

As a dominant, I suppose, I'd prefer more of a balancing act - gives me more ways into an SO's head, so I can be more confident of my judgement.

hmmm you always make me think T

Good insight and thank you for jumping in I hope you continue to add your comments as the discussion grows.

 

[RJMasters]

It's pretty much a balancing act for me too. Which reminds me I have an order to fill today and get off in the mail to Him.

TY

 

[RJMasters]

I'm obedience oriented... I need directions and very precise ones. And then sometimes I forget most of it.

I'm a lot like Otto in A Fish Called Wanda... "what was the middle part again?"

Smiles, thank you Rose for sharing.

Can I ask on a side note if you see a difference between micro-managed as opposed to clear stated directions. Do you see them as being same or different?

 

[JMohegan]

Offering Service vs Obeying Commands

The poll appears to be canvassing submissives, so I did not vote. However, I'll offer my perspective here.

Bedroom/physical play: I am much more interested in overtly taking charge than waiting for service to be offered. Though I greatly appreciate spontaneous affection, as well as a partner's initiation of sexual encounters at appropriate times, once things get going my control of what happens would be explicit.

Outside the bedroom: I am a big picture kind of a guy. Not interested in giving frequent commands or being asked, "May I do this?" on a regular basis. Never into the "assigned tasks to remind her of her submission" kind of thing.

Standing instructions would be in place for doing X by, or at, a certain time and Y as often possible, but beyond that I am just not interested in frequent expressions of overt control.

As for "offering service". Hmmm. This does not really fit within the specific realm of D/s, as I would define it. It seems to me that efforts to please a partner are fairly common among loving couples of all flavors. I have been blessed with partners who seem to have spontaneous and highly successful efforts to please me down to an art form. But some of my non-D/s friends have partners who are like that as well.

And just because I am dominant, that does not mean that I never derive pleasure from surprising a partner or making her life a little bit easier too.

The exception would be, I suppose, if I asked a partner to independently think up a certain number of ways to serve or please me in a set period of time. But that really falls back into the obedience category, as I would define it.