Of Anti-Fans, and Cowardice

[Ray Dario]

No this thread is not a rant, well not one of my conventional rants anyway.

My newest story (not a plug so no link here) has generated nothing but positive reviews. I've received no hate mail, no personal slanders, no negative feedback at all. It's scary.

I was so secure in my belief that I was so special that I had a group of people who hated me enough to seek out each of my stories as I posted it and immeditaly attack me that I actually came to enjoy it when I got those stupid, personal attack, feedbacks. Now I have to re-evaluate my whole take on life and Lit.

So where does Cowardice come in here. Not the "anti-fans", no. It's mine. I have a SF/F story that I have been editing for a year now. I have spent countless hours analyzing each sentence, each word, and each paragraph.

I have data showing how many times each word is used in the story, how many sentences start with a personal pronoun, how many start with a name. I know how many simple sentences are in the story and how many complex sentences and even how many fragments. I know how many passive voice sentences are in the story and how many adjectives and adverbs. In short I have analyzed the poor thing inside out and outside in, all in the name of editing, and I still haven't submitted it to a single publisher.

Why? Because in the end I am a coward. I edit because I'm afraid to submit the story. The more I edit, the more afraid I am because I have a bigger investment in the story. A vicious cycle.

Lit has been so fantastic for me. I can write a story and I'm not afraid of it not being published. Even more, I have never failed to receive praise for my work. The readers here are, for the most part, wonderful, kind, interesting people. But perhaps this is part of my problem too.

I know that when I send this story off it will get many rejections before it is ever published, if it is ever published. That makes it very difficult to put the manuscript into the manila envelope, with the SASE return envelope included, and send it off to it's ultimate death. The prospect of doing it over and over again knowing it will most likely be rejected is terrifying.

So right here, right now, I vow I will send the story off. Right after one more edit

Ray

 

[SexyChele]

You know, the scariest thing for a writer is to send their "baby" off into the world, wondering if it will receive the proper attention that it is due.

I know what you are saying. I have submitted a couple of stories to Lit that I personally have felt were not my best. (weak storyline, mistakes in grammar, not enough editing) Yet, I get all this praise, and it makes me wonder. I think that's why I have come to appreciate the very rare post that says, "I enjoy the idea of your story, but here is what I found ___________."

To get back to topic, though. Ray, I wish you well with your story. I hope one day to have your dilema! I encourage you to start sending your story out. Life should not have regrets. And even if the story is rejected time after time, at least you can say, "I tried." Most can never even say that.

Good luck!

 

[Quint]

I add my voice of encouragement.

Ray, you have serious balls. I'm a student so it's easy for me to say "well, I do plan on getting that book of poetry published SOMEday." (Notice how I don't have a single poem on Lit, nor shall I.) I take such pride in myself and my work that rejection hurts like nothing else in my masochistic existence. Not all fear is cowardice. You can overcome this, even if (God forbid) you have to do it repeatedly. And hey, at least you're getting top-notch editor skills!

Wishing you the best.

 

[Sabledrake]

Ray --

Kudos for taking the plunge! Yeah, sad but true the rejection letters may be forthcoming, but after a while you'll get used to them, start classifying them (personal, form, form with a typo, half-sheet, fortune-cookie, big red NO stamp on the cover page, etc.). Wish I wasn't speaking from experience here.

On the other hand, the odds aren't as bad as the lottery, and it's not a totally random thing. The better your work, the better the chances. You express yourself well in your writing, so here's wishing you the best!

Sabledrake

 

[Whispersecret]

It comes down to how bad you want to be published, Ray. When your desire to see your name in print out weighs your fear, you'll send it. It's scary to have it out there, and it sucks when it's returned.

I've only gotten a couple of rejections. One for a short story. That was relatively painless. When my novel got rejected, I got depressed (seriously! overly tired, binge eating, apathetic about everything, etc.) Luckily the depression didn't last long, only a couple of weeks, but I'm still packin' those pounds I put on. If I have to get rejected too much, I'll end up a blimp.

I wish you success.

 

[Sabledrake]

:: looks at big envelope of rejection letters, looks in mirror, looks back ::

So _that's_ what did it!


Sabledrake

 

[KillerMuffin]

If you can't do it from your heart, then tell yourself you're only writing a practice query letter. Once you've edited it for the next few years, tell yourself that you're only practicing when you box up the manuscript with the query letter and take it to the post office. Just to see what it would feel like. Since you're there, you might as well stand in line because, hey, you need to buy some stamps to pay your bills anyway. Don't have to mail it. Plop it on the counter with a nice big pre-prepared sticky note to the postal clerk (send it first class and don't ask me any more questions) so that you can pretend you aren't really sending it. Pay for your stamps and pretend you bought a lot of them, then go out to your vehicle, put your head on the steering wheel, and start crying.

Works like a charm.

 

[Ray Dario]

KM,

I laughed so hard I cried when I read this. You know exactly what I'm going through!

Ray

 

[TheEarl]

Has anyone ever read "On Writing" by Steven King? One part autobiography, one part 'How To' book. It sums up perfectly what you're going through. Probably not at all comforting to know that other people have gone through it too, but it made me feel better.

The Earl

 

[karmadog]

I like to imagine rejection notes in advance. But be careful, I had imagined this really beautiful, scathing note from my first submission. Deeply vicious. What I got was a quarter sheet of paper with a form note. "Sorry we cannot use your piece at this time."

I was really disappointed. The least they could have done was said that my fingers should be broken lest I write again. Or that I should try again when I had learned English. Or that I should submit next time to a magazine more suited to readers on a par with my skills. Like Highlights, or Boy's Life.

I was hoping for a shotgun blast and got a paper cut.

 

[its Leslie]

Rejection should aaaaaaalways be assumed.

If I am not mistaken "Dune" yes THE Dune was rejected 9 times.

And remember Einstein was supposed to be "someone that would amount to nothing".

If these people can do face plants, why shouldn't we.

Most success stories are about dedication more than anything else.

 

[TheEarl]

I always remember the quote from the head of IBM where he said that he thought there was a "...world market for about 5 computers..." Even the most talented of people make a mistake in judgement sometimes. All you need to do is keep a sense of denial and insist that you know best .

The Earl

 

[KillerMuffin]

Betsy Lerner wrote Forest for the Trees or something. An editors advice to writers.

I love that book.

I know now that if I am, truly, insane then I'm not alone.

 

[Ray Dario]

A coward no more

I did it! I actually printed the manuscript, all 46 pages of it, out in the correct format too. I put the papers along with a SASE and an International Reply Coupon into a big manilla envelope and sent my story off to a magazine from Canada called "Challenging Destiny".

Now all I have to do is wait six to eight weeks and then try not to kill the dog when I get the rejection form letter.

Oh well, I can always get another blue heeler from the pound.

Ray

P.S. Before I get any death threats about the dog comment, I'm only joking!

 

[wildsweetone]

you call that a dog?

good luck dear, you're in my thoughts.

 

[Nudemodel]

Ray,
Yeah, that is what is nice about Literotica. You seem to remember the old days when we sent xeroxes of all of our stories in envelopes with postage and envelopes and return postage inside. And then, after all the trouble (and cost), they came back, unwanted.

I got a "bad review" from one of the Literotica people today. But I more or less had to agree. It was a lousy story written to try to satisfy one of those "story idea" posts about a year ago. For all of my writing efforts, it may have turned out to be a bad story partly because it was so foreign to my experience. Up until then I had been drowing from my own experience, up to a point.

I also used to have the same anxieties and compulsions about writing stories. They were either sent off too hastily, before I worked enough on them, because I knew that if I got started, I would get bogged down. Or I just kept puttering with them. I guess a lot of us are like that. Nudemodel

 

[Guest]

Right on Ray

Nothing like stepping up to the plate.

Hope your effort pays off

 

[curious2c]

Ray, I know what you mean about anti-fans! I just look at it like this; my story brought out a strong ( by the contents of one feedback very, very, strong!) response in this individual! I have never tried to submit a story to a publisher, or magazine, so I don't know that type of rejection. there is one individual out there however who thinks (and I quote) "...your story sucks, and so do you asshole!" (The problem, the characters he named weren't in my story! Oh Well!) I don't know if I would ever try to have a story of any type published, but if I did, a professional "judgment" would be hard to accept in the above way because there would be no emotions or emotional response. Perhaps someday I will write a general story and try but rejection by the pros would be hard.