Ode to BDSM Failure

[rida]

After I've been going done on him for a while and he dozes off in the middle of it and I hope he'll just go straight to sleep so that I can go to sleep too ...

I know I know I should just be happy to serve ... but after a while without any sign of going anywhere I just want to get done and over with ...

 

[intothewoods]

Past failures do not always mean future failures! That sort of vague worry is normal for everyone though, eh? If its a constant nagging worry, that's when I'd say you have a problem.

Nah, I know that. I am just trying to be hard on myself, make sure I'm sure.

 

[eastern sun]

I'm always mistiming dinner, so it's never ready when he walks in the door. And he even calls me every night to tell me he's on the way home!

 

[eastern sun]

Oh, and there was the time I had sex with someone else (as requested), but didn't use a condom.

(He wouldn't touch me for weeks, until a full battery of STD tests came back.)

 

[eastern sun]

In our late night pillow talk about economics and the state of the world, I realized that I had spent so much time here at lit, I had barely read a newspaper in the past week, and I kept having to ask "What's going on?"

 

[eastern sun]

(I really feel like a failure tonight, I guess) . . .

This was before our formal TPE, but a number of years ago he left the company we had started together to pursue independent projects. I was so angry and resentful, I stopped paying him his full salary. Because I handled all the finances for both our business and our home, including our tax returns, he didn't know he wasn't getting a regular paycheck from our company until a couple of years later, when we were about to apply for a mortgage. He hadn't seen his W-2's in years, and they were about to laid on the table.

The night before we were to appear in the mortgage office, I confessed. It was probably a bigger betrayal than he ever thought I was capable of. But, after a long, long, long silence, he forgave me. I remember him saying, "I could have paid closer attention." (And he did for some time after.)

I bring this failure here because the TPE offers a real check-and-balance system in our relationship. There are ways in which I have so much power and authority over details of our lives, it has been essential to keeping me in check. (Power is not something I wield well.)

My failures pale in comparison these days. Thank God for mercy and discipline.

 

[HotheadKali]

BDSM failures?

My Domme side tends to go dormant when I'm stressed/depressed--sometimes something will remind me of this and it just goes away. I wouldn't start a scene in such a tentative state, but it can be a problem if I'm, say, casually chat-playing with someone online, and when they ask me "What do you require, mistress?" the only response I can think of is "a nap, and a hug."

A BDSM (but really more of a general sex) failure was when I pulled away from my now ex boyfriend's dick to let him come on my face, and some of it shot right up my nose. I felt it in my sinuses for the rest of the day; we also laughed for the rest of the day about it.

Oh, and to top of all these failures:

Pulling the strap-on and harness off my hips hastily, cuddling for a bit, and then rolling over to find that my cat has my silicone cock IN HIS MOUTH and is CHEWING THE HEAD OFF.

Fucking cat trying to chew my cock off.

 

[00Syd]

Just wanted to run in really quickly and say "Hey! Look what I found last night!"

http://www.ohdontforget.com/

I already have it set to remind me three times today

 

[minx1]

I'll have to do mine again. I started to write it out but it was so ridiculous, it sounded like I had made the whole sorry tale up! *laugh*

I just ended up laughing at it and myself.

I'll come back and do it again when I get some nerve.

 

[intothewoods]

Pulling the strap-on and harness off my hips hastily, cuddling for a bit, and then rolling over to find that my cat has my silicone cock IN HIS MOUTH and is CHEWING THE HEAD OFF.

Fucking cat trying to chew my cock off.

I'm sorry, but that's the best damn story I ever heard.

I'll have to do mine again. I started to write it out but it was so ridiculous, it sounded like I had made the whole sorry tale up! *laugh*

I just ended up laughing at it and myself.

I'll come back and do it again when I get some nerve.

Made it up? Were you writing about naked unicorns again?

 

[Homburg]

My Domme side tends to go dormant when I'm stressed/depressed--sometimes something will remind me of this and it just goes away. I wouldn't start a scene in such a tentative state, but it can be a problem if I'm, say, casually chat-playing with someone online, and when they ask me "What do you require, mistress?" the only response I can think of is "a nap, and a hug."

No failure there. That's just life. That whole dominant thing doesn't make us invulnerable robots.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I also love this thread.

Post your fail.

LOVE it.

BEst new BDSM thread in a long time.

I really DID think I could force her to write it! Failing felt like failure.

 

[Netzach]

I'm always mistiming dinner, so it's never ready when he walks in the door. And he even calls me every night to tell me he's on the way home!

Even more fail: I do this. And I shouldn't be feeling bad about it, should I?

 

[Netzach]

*beams* I succeeded in a fail thread! Wait, that means I...fail. Damn it!

I have more though.

I encouraged him to be as demanding as he wanted to be, and then I secretly got annoyed in the middle of sex. I did keep it quiet though!

I hate it if he gets tipsy, or shows the least bit of weakness. I'm totally unsympathetic to it, which is ridiculous since he is human, not superDom. I know this, but still if he whines about being sick or something, I want to kill him.

T's idea of heaven is to gnaw on a tit for what seems like hours. My new foray into submission is to not squirm, not whack him in the head, and act interested.

No other sexual complaints there.

 

[Netzach]

BEst new BDSM thread in a long time.

I really DID think I could force her to write it! Failing felt like failure.

Dude, I thought I could help him stop smoking. Rather than make him smoke more every single time the issue came up.

Seriously, I see people boast of such feats all the time and I feel like, loser. Chess club magnitude loser. Totally best new thread. Uncool kids here.

 

[Netzach]

No failure there. That's just life. That whole dominant thing doesn't make us invulnerable robots.

Says he of the well adjusted personality, I'll bet he just leaves it there and goes on his merry way. Humph.

 

[Homburg]

Says he of the well adjusted personality, I'll bet he just leaves it there and goes on his merry way. Humph.

Hey now, I fought hard to learn that, and make myself believe it. It took a lot of internal work to get that point.

And I still fuck it up on occassion. I'm only moderately well-adjusted.

 

[kinkyknickers]

I fail at BDSM spectacularly.

When I started seeing M it was apparent that I was showing submissive tendencies when it came to sex, even though I'm a very dominant person IRL. When it came to the whole calling him "Master" thing I totally baulked and said I didn't want to play this game anymore.
So then the_mgp (his wife) and I started seeing each other. She's a sub/ slave and expressed a desire to be dominated by me. I tried that hat on and, even though I've been dominant in sexual relationships with previous boyfriends and am IRL, I, once again, failed miserably.
Now, I could wax lyrical about all of the reasons for my failures.... I want equality, I can't play games, blah blah blah, and there is some truth to that. But honestly, when it comes to sex......
I am incredibly, fucking lazy!

Truth is I appear submissive because I'll take on whatever suggestion is given to me, so long as I don't have to think it up myself. So I'll call myself a mental, rather than physical slob, crazy stuff I know.

As for the domme thing, KK=fail for exactly the same reason. How many Dominants out there are waiting to be given suggestions by their subs? I must be the only one with my hand up here. The thing is, I still love the kink on both sides of the switchy fence. So I explained to my girl that if she wants something (and the little nympho does quite often), she's gonna have to tell me (yep, not ask, tell. If I am given the option to say no I usually will. SOOOOO very very lazy). Way to fuck with a submissive's head.

I'll tie you up and treat you like a sack of whatever you choose, so long as you're the one that chooses.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I beat you all at BDSM failure. I rest my case.

 

[BiBunny]

I fail at BDSM spectacularly.

When I started seeing M it was apparent that I was showing submissive tendencies when it came to sex, even though I'm a very dominant person IRL. When it came to the whole calling him "Master" thing I totally baulked and said I didn't want to play this game anymore.
So then the_mgp (his wife) and I started seeing each other. She's a sub/ slave and expressed a desire to be dominated by me. I tried that hat on and, even though I've been dominant in sexual relationships with previous boyfriends and am IRL, I, once again, failed miserably.
Now, I could wax lyrical about all of the reasons for my failures.... I want equality, I can't play games, blah blah blah, and there is some truth to that. But honestly, when it comes to sex......
I am incredibly, fucking lazy!

Truth is I appear submissive because I'll take on whatever suggestion is given to me, so long as I don't have to think it up myself. So I'll call myself a mental, rather than physical slob, crazy stuff I know.

As for the domme thing, KK=fail for exactly the same reason. How many Dominants out there are waiting to be given suggestions by their subs? I must be the only one with my hand up here. The thing is, I still love the kink on both sides of the switchy fence. So I explained to my girl that if she wants something (and the little nympho does quite often), she's gonna have to tell me (yep, not ask, tell. If I am given the option to say no I usually will. SOOOOO very very lazy). Way to fuck with a submissive's head.

I'll tie you up and treat you like a sack of whatever you choose, so long as you're the one that chooses.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I beat you all at BDSM failure. I rest my case.

Uh, no, honey. I tend to be that way, too. All the way down to "no, I don't wanna call you 'Master'." I like the kink, but most of the time, the rest of it is...meh.

 

[kinkyknickers]

Uh, no, honey. I tend to be that way, too. All the way down to "no, I don't wanna call you 'Master'." I like the kink, but most of the time, the rest of it is...meh.

Damn! I even fail at failure.

 

[Netzach]

I fail at BDSM spectacularly.

When I started seeing M it was apparent that I was showing submissive tendencies when it came to sex, even though I'm a very dominant person IRL. When it came to the whole calling him "Master" thing I totally baulked and said I didn't want to play this game anymore.
So then the_mgp (his wife) and I started seeing each other. She's a sub/ slave and expressed a desire to be dominated by me. I tried that hat on and, even though I've been dominant in sexual relationships with previous boyfriends and am IRL, I, once again, failed miserably.
Now, I could wax lyrical about all of the reasons for my failures.... I want equality, I can't play games, blah blah blah, and there is some truth to that. But honestly, when it comes to sex......
I am incredibly, fucking lazy!

Truth is I appear submissive because I'll take on whatever suggestion is given to me, so long as I don't have to think it up myself. So I'll call myself a mental, rather than physical slob, crazy stuff I know.

As for the domme thing, KK=fail for exactly the same reason. How many Dominants out there are waiting to be given suggestions by their subs? I must be the only one with my hand up here. The thing is, I still love the kink on both sides of the switchy fence. So I explained to my girl that if she wants something (and the little nympho does quite often), she's gonna have to tell me (yep, not ask, tell. If I am given the option to say no I usually will. SOOOOO very very lazy). Way to fuck with a submissive's head.

I'll tie you up and treat you like a sack of whatever you choose, so long as you're the one that chooses.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I beat you all at BDSM failure. I rest my case.

I definitely use suggestions and bottom-up feedback. It's all in the finesse - you call it "how many are waiting" I call it "how many people use begging in their play?"

Not being psychic does not mean you bring the suck.

 

[kinkyknickers]

I definitely use suggestions and bottom-up feedback. It's all in the finesse - you call it "how many are waiting" I call it "how many people use begging in their play?"

Not being psychic does not mean you bring the suck.

Good point, in my case my pyl tends not to like to talk during sex and often likes to be gagged. It's worked for her up until me, so it's taking a little getting used to.

 

[Netzach]

Good point, in my case my pyl tends not to like to talk during sex and often likes to be gagged. It's worked for her up until me, so it's taking a little getting used to.

Do it when she least expects it. Go tease her while she's just reading or sitting or something and make her tell you a nasty little secret to continue getting her off. No talking, touching stops.

Works for me, anyway.

 

[kinkyknickers]

Do it when she least expects it. Go tease her while she's just reading or sitting or something and make her tell you a nasty little secret to continue getting her off. No talking, touching stops.

Works for me, anyway.

It could work for me..... hang on, that's not being lazy.
Shame on you Netz for trying to trick me into effort.

 

[Netzach]

It could work for me..... hang on, that's not being lazy.
Shame on you Netz for trying to trick me into effort.

hahaha!