Ode to BDSM Failure

[the_mgp]

vomit

 

[Xelebes]

For the times you just weren't up to snuff.

Yeah, I can't seem to get into snuff either. Don't know why.

 

[the captians wench]

I've realized that I tend to focas on missing him and the time we spend apart rather than the time we have together.

When I was there, he had to remind me a few times that I should be focasing on him, and our time together rather than counting the minutes and dreading when I leave.

I also noticed even as I'm planing to make another trip, I'm already thinking about how hard it will be to leave him, and how hard it is to adjust to being alone.

I have a lot of happy memories of our time together, that's what I should be focasing on, and how wonderful it will be to be there again.

 

[eastern sun]

Once, in one of our early scenes, my hands were tied together with my arms hugging a post, and I was blindfolded, in the pitch dark, in a farmhouse out in the middle of nowhere. I remember thinking "god, this is what I want! This is what I want!" The flogging was more intense than we'd done before, but it was when he started fucking me, and I kept body-slamming the post cause I couldn't use my hands to brace myself, that I ended up in tears, begging him to stop.

I felt like the biggest wimp in the world.

 

[intothewoods]

Once, in one of our early scenes, my hands were tied together with my arms hugging a post, and I was blindfolded, in the pitch dark, in a farmhouse out in the middle of nowhere. I remember thinking "god, this is what I want! This is what I want!" The flogging was more intense than we'd done before, but it was when he started fucking me, and I kept body-slamming the post cause I couldn't use my hands to brace myself, that I ended up in tears, begging him to stop.

I felt like the biggest wimp in the world.

Oh, I had those moments all the time in the beginning. Yes, I want to be beaten! Ow, wait, shit, that HURTS! It took a bit of time for me to build up a smidge of tolerance and an ability to take some ouchies. Mostly it was that my mind was so freaking confused. Half of me thought, someonehittingmebadstopNOW and the other half, I want this so much. Was kind of fucked up for a bit, but it passed.

 

[twysted73]

When you do everything you're supposed to do. Even above and beyond.

And they still leave.

 

[Netzach]

Oh, I had those moments all the time in the beginning. Yes, I want to be beaten! Ow, wait, shit, that HURTS! It took a bit of time for me to build up a smidge of tolerance and an ability to take some ouchies. Mostly it was that my mind was so freaking confused. Half of me thought, someonehittingmebadstopNOW and the other half, I want this so much. Was kind of fucked up for a bit, but it passed.

One of the precious few times that T and I ever played in a dungeon setting with toys and all that, I remember feeling the classic St. Andrews' cross faint coming over me. That was super, having to cut short over something so...dumb. I hate that upright spread eagled thing. What's wrong with just standing near a wall and letting someone whip you?

 

[Homburg]

One of the precious few times that T and I ever played in a dungeon setting with toys and all that, I remember feeling the classic St. Andrews' cross faint coming over me. That was super, having to cut short over something so...dumb. I hate that upright spread eagled thing. What's wrong with just standing near a wall and letting someone whip you?

I've never had the desire to use one. Just put them against a wall, of bending over the edge of the bed, or whatever. Simpler.

 

[Netzach]

I've never had the desire to use one. Just put them against a wall, of bending over the edge of the bed, or whatever. Simpler.

I have had two adult men pass the fuck out on me because of that position. Good thing adrenaline DOES give you amazing strength and reflexes.

 

[myinnerslut]

i once almost passed out during a simple chest harness. by far no the first time we've done it, but it simply had to come off that time or i would have gone under. we were out too, and had too pull into a parking lot to take it off.

granted this was the week before my (unplanned) heart surgery, so that was probably a factor.

 

[00Syd]

I think I cry too much.

But I just can't help it!

 

[Netzach]

I have some GREAT professional fail.

One was the passer outer dude.

He was chunky, youngish, redneck, nothing I felt was gonna keel over on me, good and good to go for a flogging.

I KNOW that the Goddess was laughing her ass off at me as I balanced him on my hip, got him prone without breaking anything, and proceeded to slap his face "dont die dude don't die dude, don't die dude" Watching the clock and deciding when the "are you awake shake" would have to turn to 911 and CPR.

it would have looked BAD, I was *about to start some light electroplay on him but had not yet.*

My little guardian demons had my back that day or something.

 

[BiBunny]

Several years ago, I fell off a horse, dislocated my right shoulder, and did enough cartilage damage that there's a hole in the front of my rotator cuff roughly large enough to drive a Mack truck through. I don't have insurance or the money for surgery, so it dislocates itself at will now and causes all kinds of other annoying problems. I suppose the sheer amount of play in the joint allows the bone to press on things it shouldn't press on, like nerve endings and blood vessels. Which leads me to two different stories.

The first one is what happens every time my hands are bound behind my back and I'm left on my feet for more than just a minute or two. I break out into a cold sweat, start feeling light-headed, and will pass out if I'm not able to sit down. I'm generally ok with my hands tied behind me if I'm sitting or lying, but I'll be out cold in just a couple minutes. This has happened several times and is always interesting when you warn people about it, and they don't believe you.

The second one happened a couple of months ago. The boy mummified me in saran wrap and put my leather hood on me while he went out for a bit. (Yes, bad idea, I know, but I thought I'd be fine and encouraged him to do it.) About the time he got in his truck, my arm started going numb. I tried to shift around to get it to cooperate, but it didn't help. I knew he was going to be out for awhile, and I knew I couldn't just lie there until he got back with my arm like that. I started breaking out into a cold sweat and then became convinced I couldn't breathe in the hood. So I panicked.

To make a long story short, I ended up clawing my way out of that plastic, tooth and nail. Once I got as big a hole as I could get in it with my hands, I rolled myself off the bed, where I maneuvered one of the high-heeled shoes I'd worn that day into my hand and dug my way out of the plastic with the heel of the shoe. Then, I calmly removed the hood, restored the circulation to my shoulder, and lay back down in bed to wait for his return.

His only response to seeing mounds of saran wrap in the floor and me lying in bed, unbound? "How long did it take you to do that?"

 

[00Syd]

I failed miserably tonight I am awful at controlling my emotions and so when I buckled under the stress of a deadline I just went off on him really unfairly. I feel terrible.

 

[Harmony_1985]

i nearly fell off my heels last night while Sir was walking me around the car on my lead.

Thankfully i managed to stop myself before he had to catch me, but i felt like a complete pillock!

 

[minx1]

When you do everything you're supposed to do. Even above and beyond.

And they still leave.

*hugs* I totally get this.

Sometimes your best will never be enough, but thats not a failure T...thats a 'didn't work'....theres a difference, I think.

If you gave everything and more; went above and beyond....you didn't fail.

I know that probably won't help any,but I just wanted to say I hope you are ok.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Remeber one play session with my old Master, well we played and he told me to BARK. Erm, as much as respondive I am I couldnt get it outta my mouth. I was crying and the only world I could really say was please (meant for him to be nice lol). It was so embarrassing. I felt so silly there, trying to not to dissapoint him on one side and feeling like total idiot on other side if I do bark.

Fight of two wills it was. I can be really tough with this sometimes. When I dont want I just dont want and its hard to make me lol. I did want to please him, but I was so shy. I couldnt look him in the eye at all if he was here with me. I hate when I fail and felt like I was failing totaly. I knew he wanted me to do it and I liked to please him, but this time it was something my will wouldnt let me do. I SO DIDNT want to do it and look all silly infront of him. lol

Well, it took quite while but at the end he virtualy did bend my will and I barked for him.

Dom's!!! lol



Not sure if I feel I failed cause I was told to bark and didnt do it straight away, or if I failed just on myself cause I let someone bend my will, when I am saying my will cannot be bend. Prolly both. lol

I still dont get this tbh, cause as much as I tryed to stay tough and not to do it, I get as well VERY HOT on this situation. On him trying to bend my will. Guess I just like to fight it or wot!!

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I've got one for you, M was trying to beat my arse last night. Being the not so passive gal that I am and a rather big fan of giving as good as I get, I grabbed the nearest potential weapon (my belt) and swung backwards (he had me held down, I couldn't see where he was) and....... Absolutely SMASHED him in the temple with the belt buckle at full force.
Damn near took out his eye and hurt him (not to mention totally shocked him) quite a bit.
Woops I only meant to hit him on the bum.

Maybe I should take the phrase "to the death" out of my game strategy.

Or maybe people shouldn't fuck with me

lol I can see myself doing the same if needed.

Better tie me up, yes. lol

 

[PatchIsMe]

love reading this thread reminds me that we fail , that we arent alone in our failures

 

[PatchIsMe]

bump bump bump

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Just wanted to run in really quickly and say "Hey! Look what I found last night!"

http://www.ohdontforget.com/

I already have it set to remind me three times today

I don't know how I missed this thread when it came up, but as soon as I looked at your link, I saved it in my favorites thread, right below the Naked Alarm Clock, which I use just about every day. Awesome, THANKS for the Christmas present!

 

[00Syd]

I don't know how I missed this thread when it came up, but as soon as I looked at your link, I saved it in my favorites thread, right below the Naked Alarm Clock, which I use just about every day. Awesome, THANKS for the Christmas present!

Glad to help!