Ode on a Spanking

[Evangeline]

Okay, it's not truly an ode in the literary sense, just my poetic tribute to the feel of a good smack on the bottom. I'd appreciate some feedback, thanks.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=94902

E-

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I loved it! But then I like spanking anyhow, and hearing what a spankee likes about it is always arousing.

Butt: "Crack!
I know it's coming,
yet I tense nonetheless"

Wouldn't you tense because you know it's coming? "Nonetheless" implies that you tense despite the fact that you know it's coming, which doesn't make tense sense to me.

Also: There's an awful lot of about his hands. he gets a little disembodied.

Even so, I like it. The rhythm is so fast and breathless, just like the real thing.

I sure would like to know what you're feeling when he does this. Do you feel owned? Does the sting itself arouse? Is it his strength? The feeling of being forced or physically overpowered?

Ah well, I guess I should write that myself.


---dr.M.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Exposed to me, cocked up slightly, waiting,
Half-clothed, she's never been so naked
Her flesh has never been so impatient
Her innocence must be punished

She wants this. She wants
To feel her man's desire
Painted in hot hard strokes
Where she can't help but feel it

She wants this. She knows
She deserves it for the thoughts she has
The way she acts
Hardly suitable for a lady

I want this. Rough.
I want her to feel me,
I want her to know
Days later
How much I wanted her.

---dr.M.

 

[Evangeline]

I loved it! But then I like spanking anyhow, and hearing what a spankee likes about it is always arousing.

Butt: "Crack!
I know it's coming,
yet I tense nonetheless"

Wouldn't you tense because you know it's coming? "Nonetheless" implies that you tense despite the fact that you know it's coming, which doesn't make tense sense to me.

Also: There's an awful lot of about his hands. he gets a little disembodied.

Even so, I like it. The rhythm is so fast and breathless, just like the real thing.

I sure would like to know what you're feeling when he does this. Do you feel owned? Does the sting itself arouse? Is it his strength? The feeling of being forced or physically overpowered?

Ah well, I guess I should write that myself.


---dr.M.

Thank you! I enjoy your work as well, especially the story about the woman who works in the flower shop and has lost her husband. I'm sorry, I can't remember the title.

With regard to tensing: I was trying to convey that, as much as she welcomes, even craves, the spanking, that first moment, when she knows it's coming, she still can't help but tense up. Perhaps that should be clearer.

And when one is on the receiving end of an enthusiastic spanking, the giver's hands seem to take on a life of their own. What she craves is not the paddle or the crop or the strop. It's his hands.

Thank you so much for your insights!


E-

 

[Evangeline]

Exposed to me, cocked up slightly, waiting,
Half-clothed, she's never been so naked
Her flesh has never been so impatient
Her innocence must be punished

She wants this. She wants
To feel her man's desire
Painted in hot hard strokes
Where she can't help but feel it

She wants this. She knows
She deserves it for the thoughts she has
The way she acts
Hardly suitable for a lady

I want this. Rough.
I want her to feel me,
I want her to know
Days later
How much I wanted her.

---dr.M.

Oh, my. This is powerful. I really, really like it. Give me some time to think of a reply.

E-

 

[fire child]

~whimpers slightly~

Spank me, please?? I've been good--bad--what ever you want!
awesome poem....I agree with the "I know it's coming and I tense nonetheless" Got kind of like, uh, yeah, there. I am not good at giving feedback or critique of any kind, but I just wanted you to know I am always one to spank thoughtfully, I mean, speak thoughtfully, when somethings great!

again, loved it.

 

[WickedEve]

The first stanza has good material. I can see the stereo light. I like the way you tell that the music is for muffling cries.

The second stanza is rather trite.

The third stanza isn't fresh or very poetic, but personally, I like what's going on.

Stanza 4:
The desire for Your hands
on me is intoxicating;
I can no longer seduce,
Only provoke.
The first half is cliché, but I like what you're saying in the second half.

5: I like this: "Aren't you a cheeky girl tonight?"

6: A simple shove
and I'm embracing the duvet.
Good one.

7: I like that you describe how the panties are trapped.

The rest has too much "Crack." I think there are ways of getting that across without all the repetition. It's just more of a challenge, though.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I thought for sure someone was going to pick up on the 'Crack' for its pun value, and I'm very pleased to be disappointed. I think we are all to be commended!

But I have to say too, that after all the spankings I've 'handed' out (and loved), I still don't really know just what it is that excites her so much about them, what goes through her mind. And she is either unable or unwilling to explain it. I would love to see a poem that could explain her excitement.

---dr.M.

 

[WickedEve]

I'm all cracked up

I like a good spanking, and I know why, and I've written ass slappin' poetry, and that's all I'm going to say.

Crack and Smack,
Eve

 

[Evangeline]

I thought for sure someone was going to pick up on the 'Crack' for its pun value, and I'm very pleased to be disappointed. I think we are all to be commended!

But I have to say too, that after all the spankings I've 'handed' out (and loved), I still don't really know just what it is that excites her so much about them, what goes through her mind. And she is either unable or unwilling to explain it. I would love to see a poem that could explain her excitement.

---dr.M.

I'm working on it! (Don't you just hate when real life gets in the way of erotica?)

BTW, LOVE the new AV Dr. M!

E-