CutieMouse said:Sigh... I am probably the only woman on Lit who gets humiliated [turned on] by an issue of good manners, but for whom "slut" doesn't work at all.
The definition of a slut to 'unfortunately' A woman who will do anything with anyone and not require payment! The scene you describe may be something that a slut may do but you were with your man so although you were overlooked it was not a slutty behaviour. Had it not been your man then it would have been. I hope you see the difference.CutieMouse said:Ok... define behaving like a slut. (probably an issue of semantics, but still...)
I am pushing my brain to find a single act (within the confines of a D/s relationship), which I consider to be "slutty"... I can't find one. There are things I'd not be interested in because I find them distasteful, but that doesn't mean I view those things as slutty. For me, "slut" has all sorts of negative connotations, and while adding the "my" to the front works for some; it doesn't for me.
At one point, he casually commented to me that every single freaking member of the crew in the living room installing new screens across the back of the house knew *exactly* what had just occured in the bedroom. Because there was no way to ignore exactly what was going on in the bedroom while it was happening... that was embarrassing [and hot] as hell, but it never occured to me the men on the window crew might look at me as being a "slut"... I felt badly for being loud enough to have probably distracted them.
Sigh... I am probably the only woman on Lit who gets humiliated [turned on] by an issue of good manners, but for whom "slut" doesn't work at all.
CutieMouse said:Ok... define behaving like a slut. (probably an issue of semantics, but still...)
I am pushing my brain to find a single act (within the confines of a D/s relationship), which I consider to be "slutty"... I can't find one. There are things I'd not be interested in because I find them distasteful, but that doesn't mean I view those things as slutty. For me, "slut" has all sorts of negative connotations, and while adding the "my" to the front works for some; it doesn't for me.
At one point, he casually commented to me that every single freaking member of the crew in the living room installing new screens across the back of the house knew *exactly* what had just occured in the bedroom. Because there was no way to ignore exactly what was going on in the bedroom while it was happening... that was embarrassing [and hot] as hell, but it never occured to me the men on the window crew might look at me as being a "slut"... I felt badly for being loud enough to have probably distracted them.
Sigh... I am probably the only woman on Lit who gets humiliated [turned on] by an issue of good manners, but for whom "slut" doesn't work at all.
CutieMouse said:I think what you aren't grasping is that we did have lose boundaries established, but I didn't really know how strongly I'd react to crass language (even jokingly), until it happened. The relationship I'd been in previously was one in which the gentleman was a stickler for language, and he wouldn't use common slang for any sexual act, or at all during moments of intimacy... it simply wasn't done; I didn't really realize how I'd react because I'd gotten so used to it being a non-issue.
Now that I *know* I respond that way, I make a point to discuss it early on.
CutieMouse said:
CutieMouse said:
RonClarkeson said:
Pernickity no s according to O'Riley, Love that show.graceanne said:
Jesus, no shit.CutieMouse said:
catalina_francisco said:Whenever these 2 subjects come up, I find myself evaluating myself, trying to find the answer to why I am the way I am now as opposed to the person I once was long ago when I definately couldn't have handled it so well, and even craved and enjoyed it. I have a freind who unknowingly catered to my desires very well....he tends to have a very negative view of most people, even those he admires, and speaks in ways which often seem to be putting you down, and sometimes are. I got used to him being that way and began to let it work for me in a fun way which worked out well for both of us.
But as for why I am in a place now where it doesn't overly phase me, I can only put it doen to life experiences. Firstly I am not a dummy, and though I was always told that, I never had any tangible proof of it, hadn't put it to any real test, hadn't challenged those words which others showered me with over much of my life....until I was in my mid 30's and edecided I needed to think ahead, needed to go back to my education and finish high school and move ontp university. Hmmm, my confidence was so low that no-one could convince me (even the professionals paid to do so) that I could do an adult quick version of senior high school and then move onto uni. In part it was my ethics also which didn't make it seem fair for me to get the same piece of paper for doing half the amount of work the school aged teenagers had to do to get it....so I went back to high school with the teenagers, full-time, took the same amount of subjects they were required to do even though I could have done less, and insisted on no special treatement including I wore the school uniform the same as everyone else....lol, out of 40 mature age students who started the same day as me (and surprisingly most turned up with parents of friends to hold their hands on the first day even though they were in their 20's - 40's..I didn't), I was the only one who made it through to graduation.
That was the beginning of my rebuilding of me. I had a lot of support from the teachers, most who were saddened I had so much to deal with in life which they felt limited my potential....my view was it was life and I still was topping the class in many instances, so why worry. I went on to university and had much the same reception from my professors and lecturers....they felt I had something special and were more than willing to challenge me and not give me special treatment. During that time I took a lot of Feminist Studies as it had been something which had been strong in my life before, but seemed a flea bite in comparison to what I received there. That IMHO is what made the final change...it validated me as a person, taught me I was valued and had rights, and most of all highlighted the fact I was a survivor who had already survived some fairly ominous odds, alone.
During all my adult life I had been sexually experimental beyond what most of my peers, especially female peers from respectable backgrounds were. With feminist knowledge and validation, I no longer was in a position to willingly let people put me down for enjoying sex, or experimenting. I had a couple os relaitonships with men who were open to lots of exploration, and it was fun, but they gave me a lot of experience in accepting myself for who I was, valuing and celebrating it, and not taking on the degradation or humiliation anyone tried to put on me as I had for so many years...the experience I gained with them was due to their own guilt for wanting to explore sexually, and constantly questioning me for wanting to go there and not feel guilty about it.
For me, the combination of rising above the odds; coming out from living below the poverty line with my children to be a successful professional who had by then had her intelligence level verified in many tangible ways as well as with the required pieces of paper and from many different directions; putting that newfound knowledge and confidence to the test and also to prove just why I wasn't someone who belonged on the junk heap of life and made valid choices which were right for me, all played a part in helping me feel comfortable in my own skin.
So while I get off on degradation and humiliation, and while a lot of it is often based on being someone most would look down on for my libido, sexuality choices, and comfort with that, I am able to embrace it and know that though it may be what some people think, it is in no-way something I feel needs apology for or guilt. I can get off on the fact that is their view from their perspective, while, also knowing it is not the reality in my mind. It is what makes it so difficult to reach, and also so easy to survive, if that makes any sense.
Catalina
Okay. Good on ya. Run along and get going on that new thread.RonClarkeson said:
Yes.CutieMouse said:Yay! I'm sorry I got bogged down, Rose. I did want to discuss ridicule versus humiliation, because it's one of those intersting twisty bits to me.
I've noticed several put the disclaimer of "but not doing ___" (making fun of my weight, intelligence, etc) on their interest in humiliation. I catagorize those sorts of comments into the ridicule box. I think Netz said she can go there and it be hot, but it seems for most it's a no-go.
It makes me wonder if my brain just processes things that differently, because being made fun of for my flaws, doesn't even enter the same building as what I define as humiliation play...
Absolutely and I think I addressed the "action" part in my last post, if I'm understanding you right.graceanne said:
This is a Humiliation story that I hated, but turned me on!A Desert Rose said:
