Obituary? Who has paid for and/or written one?

[BlondGirl]

Hello again everyone. My father is very, very ill and has been moved to hospice.

I am trying to take care of as many details as I can. I have been thinking about writing a potential obituary and trying to set up a deal with the newspaper where this is already paid for and one is written in case another is not submitted. The person closest to my father is very abusive and, frankly, mentally ill. Our father has rejected everyone in the family for several years for this person. Well, time is nearly up and the responsible ones are left to clean up the messes and get things in order.

I'd appreciate any input from those with experience, please. AS always, thanks in advance.


(I found this thread but would really appreciate more actual prices so that I can plan my budget accordingly. I HAVE contacted the newspapers, but am waiting for replies. Sigh.)


Unhappy WHY do obituaries cost so much???

 

[BuffRudy]

I was going to write my Grandma's obituary, but she was known by practically everyone & a reporter from the local paper came & talked to us & the paper ran a 2 column piece about her.

My only advice is to not leave any of the kids or grandkids out of it.

 

[Wrong Element]

There are probably freelance obituarists in your city. That's one thing I've never tried to do myself, but it's a growing specialty. But I don't know what they would charge, and of course different papers have different attitudes about obits.

If you wanted to do it yourself, the best advice is just to conduct a lot of interviews and let people talk, and then try to structure it later (though if you aim to get it published, keep in mind that space is at a premium). There are different philosophies here: some believe in a "warts and all" appraisal while others gloss over the warts and stress the positive.

 

[Cheyenne]

The funeral home will help you write the obit when the time comes. They do it every day and know exactly what questions to ask. It is very much a "fill in the blank" kind of event. Don't get too creative, and remember to include all the family member names and have them spelled correctly.

 

[BBWetKitty]

Your local newspaper should have a designated Paid Obituary professional who will work with you in crafting your fathers last statements in life with courtesy and respect. Prices will vary depending on text length and if one (young) or two (older) pictures are added.

 

[BlondGirl]

Thanks for the input so far. I really don't want any stranger writing this-regardless of their experience. This is (to me) a family obligation. I have plenty of time to formulate my throughts and put together a fitting tribute.

Okay, folks--tell me the costs?

And, just for my personal information--what have y'all spent for burial plots? I am curious.

 

[atmas]

A funeral, including plot, casket, and service, can go for $10k or more. You'll have a decent choice of casket, but in the state you'll be in you want to make the best decision at a time when you are not able to decide anything.
When my mother died we used the services of the same funeral home that buried my father, so we were very happy to find that they had the record of what type of casket we got for him, and got her the same one. That sounds ghoulish, perhaps, but it seemed meaningful at the time.

 

[LowMurmur]

Let's make sure we get our terms straight.

At most newspapers of any significant size, there are two kinds: There are news obituaries, which are prepared by somebody on the news staff and are actually reported, where the writer calls people and asks questions, and paid death notices, which are ads, usually handled by the funeral home and will say pretty much whatever the person paying wants them to, within certain guidelines.

A well-written death notice can sometimes persuade the newspaper to do a news obituary.

 

[BlondGirl]

Thank you for the thoughtful responses so far. Does anyone else have any experienced advice?

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I've written a couple. One for my mother and one for my grandfather. It's a fairly easy process.

What you do is get all the facts together you can about the person before his death. A few you will have to fill in later, but by collecting these now you save yourself a lot of stress at the time:

1. Name and/or Maiden Name
2. Date of Birth
3. Place of Birth
4. Education (When, where, etc)
5. About (What did he do? Owned a business, worked as a carpenter, that kind of thing)
6. Date of Death
7. Place of Death
8. Reason for Death (like "after a long illness")
9. Wife, children, grandchildren, greatbgrandchildredn, etc.

Generally, A death notice will have all items 1, 2, 3, 6, 7. and 8 above in abreviated form with the addition of place and date of funeral.

These are not hard and fast rules and change from locality to locality.

So sorry to hear you are going through this. Hope that helps.

 

[tonethebone]

Experience.............lets see:
Grandfather - 1998
Grandmother - 1999
Another Grandfather - 2000
Father - 2000
Father in Law - 2002
Mother - 2003
Mother in Law - 2006

And I'm only 48

I started the obit for my Father at home, then would email it to my brother, back and forth a few times. Between us we came up with a real fantastic piece. With photo it was around $450 for only two days. So if you know someone that can help, it's really not too hard.

Did the same thing with my mothers. And my wife worked with her sister for her mom and dad's.

Bottom line is you have to get it done pretty fast, so having a helper is a must.

Anything else ????

Oh ya, read all the obits you can, use them as a guide.

 

[Angeline]

You might want to look at obituaries in your local newspaper and use their content as a form for what you do. Where I grew up (New Jersey) the non-news obituaries were usually very fact-oriented and just mentioned the survivors and gave info about visiting hours and the time and place of the funeral, info on religious services (if any), etc. Where I live now (Maine), I've noticed the obituaries also include more personal information--the kind of work the deceased did, interests and hobbies and so on. You'll get a good idea of how it's done where you live (and how much you want to say) by looking at your local paper. If you want to do it yourself and/or don't want to pay someone to do it (beyond the newspaper space), this might be the way to go.

When you make the arrangements with the funeral, keep in mind that nice as they are at the funeral home, they are in business and will try to steer you toward spending as much as possible. This is a very emotional time for most people and if you feel that you will not be at your most logical when you do this, you might want to take a family member or friend with you who will focus on your father's wishes and keep you from spending more than you otherwise might. You will have to think about the coffin, flowers, limos for family members, burial plot, headstone, etc. All of these can get very expensive. Make sure you get the funeral director to give you a quote in writing before you sign anything. Also, look into insurance and pension benefits. My father had been in the military and there were some funeral benefits available to him through that as well as through his work pension.

Also think about anything special your dad might want--anyone in particular to give the eulogy, any special music played at the service, that sort of thing.

I'm sorry about your dad. I know this must be a very difficult time for you and you are smart to try to plan as much as you can up front. Best of luck and my sympathies to you and your family.

 

[KyleW]

I wrote mine and keep it in my wallet for when i pass.

"Kyle....damn he was awesome."

 

[Guest]

 

[someplace]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I think you're very smart to try to get this done while your focus is better and you're not pulled in so many different directions.

The major newspaper is going to charge you a lot more than a community newspaper. If your area has a privately owned (as opposed to commercial chain) community newspaper, they may only charge a nominal fee, if any. With either, if you want a photograph published with the obituary, do not expect to get that picture returned, though they may accept a ditigal scan on a disk now instead of an actual photograph. You wouldn't get the disk back either, but at least it's not a photograph you'd rather keep.

If the funeral home "takes care of" placing the obituary in the major newspaper they are very likely getting a 15-20% "commission" for doing so, much like an advertising agency does -- in fact it's called an agency discount in the trade. If you place the obit yourself in the major paper, be sure and ask if that's the best price. There may be price breaks for running it more than once, on certain days of the week or if it's also published on the internet. If you opt to have the funeral home place it for you, ask them if they're getting an agency discount and if they say yes, then tell them you'd like to not pay that, thank you very much. It can be a negotiating tool for you. People in advertsing haggle over the discount a lot.

No matter what type of paper you work with, be sure and ask about proofing the obituary before publication. We've lost several family members recently and from experience, I would strongly suggest erring on the side of mentioning too many relatives of the deceased over not mentioning enough. People get their feelings bent out of shape over the slightest things when people die.

I published community newspapers in another lifetime and when someone brought me an obituary I never charged for them.

 

[~hellbaby~]

When my dad died, the funeral director took care of it. He walked me through the content and did the rest. I guess it went on his bill, life ins. paid it.

 

[unregistered]

 

[tonethebone]

I didn't write mine but I remember it well...it went,


Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and woman...

LMFAO Jim. Classic man, just classic.

Thanks for the laugh.

 

[BlondGirl]

Thank you again to everyone who submitted thoughtful information. My father passed away much sooner than expected and we are now home from the funeral. My hometown newspaper did not charge hardly anything and the larger town in the area put me off (refused) to give me information (very wierd--I don't think I will be spending my hard-earned money in Amarillo, Texas ever again!).