Obituaries

[Balladeer08]

They are boring, because they are so formulaic. It seems like everyone who dies was a wonderful person.

Don't the nasty bastards ever die?

And every child who dies was so smart. So the stupid kids live forever, which isn't so stupid. One trip to Walmart should be all it takes to convince you that a lot of these kids aren't so wonderful. Nor are their parents.

But the obits always read so flowery. It's enough to gag a maggot, if they weren't already working on the corpse.

I like this one, from Tom Lehrer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWFEy1lVUMI

And I want to see some obits that say stuff like:

He was a miserable, cantankerous old coot, and his neighbors celebrated when he died.

She was a selfish, grasping, miserable bitch and a lousy mother. Her children are much relieved at her passing.

There was nothing special or remarkable about him. If he hadn't died, no one would have ever known he had lived.


Pile on, people. What you would like to read in an obit?

(Besides my name. Too obvious, too easy, too predictable.)

 

[Noor]

It depends on who wrote them anf their frame of mine

I recently read an obit that was very long, almost unreadable, gave a good general gist of the person, had a huge picture, inaccurate in a couple areas, but did give good info on the services.
It was written under duress by committee and long on purpose, as a final laugh on the person who had agreed to pay for it. The deceased would have enjoyed that aspect very much. The payer didn't mind.

The weird thing is that another friend had already written a beautiful tribute that would have worked just as well and was totally accurate.

 

[Noor]

In my memorial talk for Byron, I gave a fairly accurate and honest portrait of what he was like with me, people smiled and laughed at some of it. I was told it was very moving and bittersweet at times.

It is hard to do because you are writing for the survivors and they want reality but also to see the best in the deceased. I had to take into consideration his very aged devastated parents, and his life long friends. It was in a chapel so no "seven hells" or 'by the gods, I say"

If the obit and service stuff had been written closer to his death, I think it would have been different because we were all so shocked and numb in someways.

 

[Fata Morgana]

I get sick of hearing on the telly so and so "was an angel". Dunno why but it really fucks me right off. Corny.

 

[Fata Morgana]

I wrote my Dad's. It was very matter of fact as was full requiem mass. Most stories and comments would not have been appropriate for church!

 

[DesEsseintes]

Yes, I wrote a tribute to my father, but Kierkegaard and Beckett provided much of the impetus. He was a genuinely good man, so it was fairly easy to write. The whole de mortuis tradition is understandable, but does make obituaries rather coded (for 'fun-loving' read 'groper', etc), and it must make obituaries for more complex, or downright shady characters, far more tricky to get right. The Times had a tradition for a long time of writing anonymous obituaries, precisely so that the writers might feel free, not to be viciously nasty, but least show a little honesty without fear of reprisals - but I think they have now given that up.

 

[warrior queen]

I may be one of the very few who has made preparations and plans for my own death.
I already own my coffin. My will is updated every year. I have clear instructions as to how I want my own funeral/wake conducted.
And I have written my own, completely honeat, obit. In it, I give the bad as well as the good. My impatience, my sometimes selfishness, and my rudeness are mentioned right alongside everything else. I update it when I check my will every year, in case I want changes.

Too many people have been 'sanitised' against their inevitable death.
The entire process has been made impersonal.
I don't want that.

 

[RobDownSouth]

Don't the nasty bastards ever die?

• Amicus is on his last legs
• Ishmael has some sort of unspecified cancer that has eaten away at most of his cognitive abilities
• 4est_gump has a "bad heart" that keeps him from working now, plus "new moan ya".

How many more do you want, you heartless bastid?

He was a miserable, cantankerous old coot, and his neighbors celebrated when he died.

I'm thinking of funding a Kickstarter to place a full page obituary when Amicus does the right thing and shuffles off the mortal coil.
:nods: