Obedience: how do you learn it?

[JMohegan]

OH.....Like that!! Yeah, that I can get...I'd just rather not think of most of my profs while considering BDSM. I just wanna keep them separated. More generally (that's a stupid phrase, ain't it?), conceptually, I guess I still see BDSM as alien (I am not a judgment call about any of you/the lifestyle/the community...although, Gor is fucking weird . I am just using an apt qualifier) and, as such, it can't have traits in common with day to day life stuff. Mind you, that's my mental schema, not a pronouncement on anything external to me. I guess it will remain alien until such point in time when/if I do get active about it...and I'm still strongly on the if side.

Errr, well, ok, confession time: I had one prof (older, intelligent, great body, great dresser, sexy as can be) that I'd love to tie down and do stuff to (or have her tie me down)....but that's not because of the bondage aspect, it's because of the relationship that would entail.

That video is hilarious. Hair in the 80's! Dear god!

As food for thought - kink and obedience are entirely different constructs. They may coexist in a relationship, but not necessarily. "Tie down and do stuff" is not the same thing as "come when I call, do what I say," etc. Not by a long shot.

 

[teknight]

That video is hilarious. Hair in the 80's! Dear god!

As food for thought - kink and obedience are entirely different constructs. They may coexist in a relationship, but not necessarily. "Tie down and do stuff" is not the same thing as "come when I call, do what I say," etc. Not by a long shot.

You're absolutely right. I wasn't trying to suggest that, it's just that a) the image was appealing for a moment and b) I have a two easy examples that I refer to: spanking/bondage. That's all they are- easy go to examples and I don't think of them as all encompassing for BDSM (or kink or what have you).

Besides, I thought we were talking about kinky obedience? Asked half seriously, half jokingly.

 

[JMohegan]

You're absolutely right. I wasn't trying to suggest that, it's just that a) the image was appealing for a moment and b) I have a two easy examples that I refer to: spanking/bondage. That's all they are- easy go to examples and I don't think of them as all encompassing for BDSM (or kink or what have you).

Besides, I thought we were talking about kinky obedience? Asked half seriously, half jokingly.

Okay, let's leave aside errands and dishes and focus on a straightforward, kinky example.

Let's take two people, b and s, each of whom gets tied up and spanked on a regular basis. Here's the distinction I'm making.

Partner b reserves the right to say "not now, honey." Partner s gives that up. Obedience is an expectation in the latter relationship. In the former, it's not.

 

[where]

.....

 

[teknight]

OK. That's straightforward and clear. Thank you...and thank you for lowering the example to my level.

 

[teknight]

or, you could have b saying "not now' but getting it anyway?

I don't think there rules except within the relationship itself and they are negotiated over time.

I do know that humour is key. it's what drew me to my beloved and it's what glues us together.

But...you're British. Your sense of humour is hourible! (I houpe that has enough u's for you)

 

[where]

But...you're British. Your sense of humour is hourible! (I houpe that has enough u's for you)

we have the best comedy. even the shite like monty python is funny.

but seriously, i was more thinking of the lightness of touch, the ability to not take oneself totally seriously. To me a man or woman who cannot see the funny side lacks a degree of understanding in life.

 

[teknight]

but seriously, i was more thinking of the lightness of touch, the ability to not take oneself totally seriously. To me a man or woman who cannot see the funny side lacks a degree of understanding in life.

I like my dad's definition for that more (well, you know, he's my dad, I love him to pieces, so, yeah...): he told me, a long time ago that people without a sense of humor are mentally impaired. (well, ok, he used the r word, but I'm trying to mediate using it, OK?)


So, all sorts of people go into BDSM/are drawn to BDSM/ are abducted by hot leather clad Dominatrices D) and, so, BDSM is painted in all the colors of human experience... Bah, that's supposed to mean something but sounds like shit.

 

[JMohegan]

or, you could have b saying "not now' but getting it anyway?

Sure, but that's acquiescence in the form of: "I agree not to call the cops, even after you violate the bounds of consent in the heat of the moment."

That's not the same thing as b reserving the right to say "not now." Because that right only has meaning if b's partner honors it.

But neither is your example obedience, as I would define it. That's person c, in a different relationship construct entirely.

 

[where]

I like my dad's definition for that more (well, you know, he's my dad, I love him to pieces, so, yeah...): he told me, a long time ago that people without a sense of humor are mentally impaired. (well, ok, he used the r word, but I'm trying to mediate using it, OK?)


So, all sorts of people go into BDSM/are drawn to BDSM/ are abducted by hot leather clad Dominatrices D) and, so, BDSM is painted in all the colors of human experience... Bah, that's supposed to mean something but sounds like shit.

your dad was right.

and yeah, I guess BDSM can be open to anyone.

Sure, but that's acquiescence in the form of: "I agree not to call the cops, even after you violate the bounds of consent in the heat of the moment."

That's not the same thing as b reserving the right to say "not now." Because that right only has meaning if b's partner honors it.

But neither is your example obedience, as I would define it. That's person c, in a different relationship construct entirely.

yeah, point taken. I think I'm c.

 

[catalina_francisco]

we have the best comedy. even the shite like monty python is funny.

but seriously, i was more thinking of the lightness of touch, the ability to not take oneself totally seriously. To me a man or woman who cannot see the funny side lacks a degree of understanding in life.

LOL, have to agree. We have a huge collection of Brit humour which is ever increasing....was definately good F was a Monty Python fan before we met.

Catalina

 

[where]

LOL, have to agree. We have a huge collection of Brit humour which is ever increasing....was definately good F was a Monty Python fan before we met.

Catalina

everyone loves the Pythons. I can't stand them myself. maybe because I grew up with it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

everyone loves the Pythons. I can't stand them myself. maybe because I grew up with it.

Some are better than others for sure.

Catalina

 

[JMohegan]

OH.....Like that!! Yeah, that I can get...I'd just rather not think of most of my profs while considering BDSM. I just wanna keep them separated. More generally (that's a stupid phrase, ain't it?), conceptually, I guess I still see BDSM as alien (I am not a judgment call about any of you/the lifestyle/the community...although, Gor is fucking weird . I am just using an apt qualifier) and, as such, it can't have traits in common with day to day life stuff. Mind you, that's my mental schema, not a pronouncement on anything external to me. I guess it will remain alien until such point in time when/if I do get active about it...and I'm still strongly on the if side.

Errr, well, ok, confession time: I had one prof (older, intelligent, great body, great dresser, sexy as can be) that I'd love to tie down and do stuff to (or have her tie me down)....but that's not because of the bondage aspect, it's because of the relationship that would entail.

In light of the other thread, I'll respond to this again.

Re the bold - When thinking about how to control another adult human being, in an authority-based, leader/follower relationship, I absolutely DID spend time thinking about non-sexual authority figures in my young adult life.

How do you inspire intense loyalty, profound trust and respect, great affection, from one adult to another? How do you lead without being obnoxious or condescending? How do you control another person's behavior, maintaining the expectation of obedience, without stripping that person of dignity?

For the answers to those questions, I looked to the two men whom I personally found most inspiring. Translating those lessons into the context of an intimate bf/gf relationship started on the day I realized it could be done. After that, it was just a matter of practice.

I'm not trying to convert you here. Not everyone's into authority-based personal relationships. Since you asked, I'm just explaining my perspective.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I don't think it's something you can really learn. You are either submissive in your nature or you are not. You obey or you don't. Simple as that really.

 

[mary_aranxia]

Following the rules is impossible for me; ironic when you think that my PhD thesis is in followership... Maybe that's why I haven't finished it.