Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk!

[Guest]

Last Rights

A man learns from his doctor that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the dire prognosis, he asks his wife for sex.
She agrees, naturally, and they go at it.

That night, as the man gets into bed, he looks at the clock and realizes he has only eight hours left.
He turns to his wife and asks, “Please, honey—Just one more time before I die.”

“Sure, dear,” she replies, and they make love for the second time.

After tossing and turning for another four hours, he sees that he’s down to his last few hours. He rouses his wife and says, “Do you think we could…”

“For God’s sake!” his wife snaps.

“I have to get up in the morning. You don’t.”

*Taken from Maxim Magazine*

 

[shereads]

Ah, married life. How I don't miss it.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Ah, married life. How I don't miss it.

No need to gloat...miserable singles flaunting their singularity (grumble, grumble, groan)

-lucky

And to contribute to the nyuk, nyuk factor of this thread:

http://www.bushorchimp.com/

 

[SensualCealy]

How dare they, don't they know what it does to us?
We could get them back by flaunting all the MARRIED stuff we do- Laundry, housework, making lunches, cleaning the toilet, cabbying the kids around, hmmm now thats getting me wet!
Cealy

 

[lucky-E-leven]

How dare they, don't they know what it does to us?
We could get them back by flaunting all the MARRIED stuff we do- Laundry, housework, making lunches, cleaning the toilet, cabbying the kids around, hmmm now thats getting me wet!
Cealy

 

[Svenskaflicka]

No need to gloat...miserable singles flaunting their singularity (grumble, grumble, groan)

-lucky

And to contribute to the nyuk, nyuk factor of this thread:

http://www.bushorchimp.com/

"George, George, George of the Jungle..."

 

[Guest]

Just sticking this in here for want of the proper place. Aragon's face as jmt's AV does nothing for me, but it does call to mind Gauche's Gollum, which would be preferable to the unknown bloke in his AV of the moment (but only after his real one). JMO.

Perdita

 

[SensualCealy]

Aragon's Face does do it for me, he is hot, next to Lucky E-Leven and Liv and Mia Tyler! In that order!
Even if its while doing housework we try to avoid!
Cealy
Perdita, he could have used one of the creatures from the movie, the big trolls that used the catapult would be much more repulsive. lol
Love ya!

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Aragon's Face does do it for me, he is hot, next to Lucky E-Leven and Liv and Mia Tyler! In that order!
Even if its while doing housework we try to avoid!
Cealy
Perdita, he could have used one of the creatures from the movie, the big trolls that used the catapult would be much more repulsive. lol
Love ya!

Cealy, I can't wait for your new AV and I know it'll be yummy as well...mmmmmmm Liv Tyler...mmmmmmmm!

~lucky

 

[Guest]

Cealy, I can't wait for your new AV and I know it'll be yummy as well...mmmmmmm Liv Tyler...mmmmmmmm!

Lucky, you're my vanguard of lust, always in the frontline.

Perdita

 

[Guest]

Two old men are in a bar discussing how kids today have sex at such a young age.
"I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married," says one. "Did you?"
"I'm not sure," the other replies.
"What was her maiden name?"


P.S. I just loaned Aragon my image for the movie, LOL!

Jmt

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Lucky, you're my vanguard of lust, always in the frontline.

Perdita

Perdy, doll, I learned it all from you. Am but an heiress in the arena of lust, but steadfastly championing the Diosa de Twat!

~lucky

by the way, thanks for the leg shot...on my second pair of panties

 

[minsue]

Lottery

A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and
shouts at the top of her lungs,"Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The husband says, 'Oh my gosh! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she says. "Just get the hell out."

 

[shereads]

No need to gloat...miserable singles flaunting their singularity (grumble, grumble, groan)

Hey, I worked to restablish my single status.



And, my god, the guilt! You want to talk guilt? Yeesh.



I knew during the ceremony that the marriage was a bad idea. The years between the wedding vows and the divorce decree were procrastination.

 

[shereads]

Aragon's Face does do it for me, he is hot, next to Lucky E-Leven and Liv and Mia Tyler! In that order!

Thought for the day: twosome with Aragorn the good boy and Boromir the bad boy.

Hoo-boy.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Hey, I worked to restablish my single status.



And, my god, the guilt! You want to talk guilt? Yeesh.



I knew during the ceremony that the marriage was a bad idea. The years between the wedding vows and the divorce decree were procrastination.

Dear Sher,

You are an idol of mine, guilt and all. My procrastination continues and the remedy is more elusive than the cure for cancer. But when I finally earn my right to flaunt and gloat, I'm damn sure going to do it (loud and proud and in the nude). So rage on sister and single to your heart's content. As you've said, you earned it!

~lucky

 

[Guest]

A guy in the elevator of a four-star hotel shouts, "Ballroom, please!"

The lady standing in front of him turns around and says, "Sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."


J

 

[destinie21]

Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife's beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper.
"Bill darling," she breathed. "I've got a confession to make before I go... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house. I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I'm afraid I also was the one who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..."
"That's all right dearest; don't even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I'm the one who poisoned you."

 

[Guest]

A joke that probably only the English can truly appreciate.

An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!" Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.

After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement:

"My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.

"Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."

Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,

"Back off mate, I'm on Disability Benefit!"

----------------------------------------------

Hehehe!

Right, back to reading... emails.

Lou

 

[English Lady]

*LMAO* Tatelou...that last joke was grately appreiciated by this person who lives in Birkenhead!

 

[Guest]

Hehehe!

You must know quite a few Scousers, then?

Lou

 

[lucky-E-leven]

deleted...picture didn't work

 

[lucky-E-leven]

The year is 2019. Following her stunt at Superbowl 39, Janet Jackson, has been banned from the entertainment business and has fallen upon hard times. Unfortunately, she has spent almost all of her money on legal fees, defending herself from the censors in Washington; D.C. She now works at a McDonalds, in their drive-through window as a cashier. Don't feel bad for her, Janet has a very tough personality. She refuses to let her plight steal her spirit...

 

[Guest]

Lucky, you are sooooo bad .

P.