Now what?

[nanette09]

Okay, I took our relationship to a new level. One he asked for.
I did not bind him,
but I stripped him down, examined him. Noted what I did and did not like.
Then I asked a series of questions in two parts. The first night, I mainly played with his cock, while I asked about his past sexual experience. If he opened up, I sucked, if he did not I would toy and then stop until he opened back up and finished the discussion. Rewarding him with sex at the end.

Last night, I went further. I asked about female domination. I did not like some of the answers he gave me and he was punished by it. Then, I asked him to confess something to me after he understood that I was not his wife when we were doing these things. I would not console him, I would pamper him and he was nothing to me but a tool. After several minutes of hot wax being poored on his gentials he finally confessed his inner most secret.

I rewarded him with a kiss on his cock. He then had to prove to me he would be submissive. I made him perform oral sex on me, when I asked and how I asked. He was to lay his head between my legs and service me as soon as I said so. Otherwise, he was just to lay there. Then, I had him kiss me everywhere telling me with each kiss that he is to serve only me. After I let him get a drink of water, he had to prove his final submissive act....

He had to drip hot wax on the shaft of his hard cock as I watched. He did, and he went to the tip. I rewarded him for this, but denied him sex.

Now....as I am new to this, what do I do tonight. I have to become two seperate people. I am wife by day and something else at night. But tonight, what do I have him do that compares tolast night, but re enforces that he is my tool nothing more?

 

[Kikori]

Not sure the hot wax and pain was necessary, to be honest.

But if he's a tool for you, you should essentially have your answer. Take your fantasies, your kinks, and your fetishes out on him. If one of you two are indeed sadist or masochist, don't be afraid to make it uncomfortable as long as it's not too far. Anything you've wanted to try, enjoy incredibly, or wish you could do again without him affecting it. You have to have something in mind.
Pain isn't the only 'punishment' possible for wrong answers or doing something wrong. Smothering him to the point that he struggles would show him you're not pleased, while also putting his face in a position to please you.
It's also a chance to reward him with new forms of pleasure he hasn't felt, especially concerning strapons and his prostate, if you've never gotten into that.

 

[nanette09]

Hmm.... makes me wonder then if I'm approaching this the wrong way. This was something I am doing for him, but he has no guidance as to what he wants. I'm indifferent, I have no kinks or fetishes to impose on him. Perhaps I need to do more research.

 

[Netzach]

Hmm.... makes me wonder then if I'm approaching this the wrong way. This was something I am doing for him, but he has no guidance as to what he wants. I'm indifferent, I have no kinks or fetishes to impose on him. Perhaps I need to do more research.

Someone needs to want something.

Either him, or you.

That's the answer to "what do I do next."

Or pull your foot off his back, put your feet up on him and read your favorite book or watch your favorite show till someone thinks of something.

 

[ZRT]

Or pull your foot off his back, put your feet up on him and read your favorite book or watch your favorite show till someone thinks of something.

Best answer today, and best demonstration of dominant mindset.

 

[Vixandra]

Best answer today, and best demonstration of dominant mindset.

I'd like to second that notion.

But if that's not your cup of tea, go pick up a strap on and have fun from there.

 

[nanette09]

Right now, I'm uncomfortable with the idea of a strap on. Though we have explored with plugs, the strap seems to be one step too far for me to think of. He has expressed questions about it.

Using him as a foot stool? When I mentioned this to him, he brushed it off. Not quite his style. This is mainly to fulfill his fanasties and since we had started he has seemed more responsive towards me as myself and not what I become for him at night. During the day, he has started to notice me more. This is nice since he hasn't looked at me like this for 10 years.

Our next play session is Thursday or Friday night. Perhaps then, I can figure out a way to incorporate him being a tool and still be submissive even though I have no fetishes, I think, or fantasies. I hate to use borrowed one, for that will seem so empty.

 

[Netzach]

Right now, I'm uncomfortable with the idea of a strap on. Though we have explored with plugs, the strap seems to be one step too far for me to think of. He has expressed questions about it.

Using him as a foot stool? When I mentioned this to him, he brushed it off. Not quite his style. This is mainly to fulfill his fanasties and since we had started he has seemed more responsive towards me as myself and not what I become for him at night. During the day, he has started to notice me more. This is nice since he hasn't looked at me like this for 10 years.

Our next play session is Thursday or Friday night. Perhaps then, I can figure out a way to incorporate him being a tool and still be submissive even though I have no fetishes, I think, or fantasies. I hate to use borrowed one, for that will seem so empty.

Honestly, I think you can weave your desires into this, and it will make it more fun for both of you. What do you like in bed? What do you like out of bed? I'm not suggesting you have to answer these things here, as it really doesn't matter, but it will be much less puzzle and chore if you can incorporate those things and come back to them. "I want you to take me to the Botanical Gardens." Anything, really. The things you like can be charged if he actually has any interest in pleasing you.

I didn't so much mean the footstool part as the fact that until you either know what he wants and can therefore give it to him or you want something that he can give you, you're at an impasse of communication or lack thereof. No one's a mind reader. You said there's nothing you want out of this, but that he can't tell you what he wants as he doesn't have a map or an idea from anywhere, or suggestions.

If you feel stumped by sexuality, you need to do more introspection. Or he knows what he wants and isn't telling.

OK, so it's about him, that's fine. But if it's completely a favor and you don't get anything you like out of it, then it's going to become a job. A job that has novelty now, but is going to be an imposition soon. And I can't imagine him getting what he needs out of dominance that's nothing but a favor you do for him.

You said you like being noticed, thought of in this light when the play is over. Maybe you can encourage that part by giving him a small token and telling him it's a reminder of what you really are to him whenever he looks at it? I'm assuming the turnon is a turnon for you to some degree.

I know that when I was new, I was constantly questioning - is it ok for me to want that? How about that? Or that, that's so tame, he's going to laugh at me if I want that.

You can want anything you want.

 

[alterateErotica]

OK, so it's about him, that's fine. But if it's completely a favor and you don't get anything you like out of it, then it's going to become a job. A job that has novelty now, but is going to be an imposition soon. And I can't imagine him getting what he needs out of dominance that's nothing but a favor you do for him.

I must say this is as accurate a statement as you're ever going to read.

I'm new around these parts and lacking any what? Forum Cred? But I'll throw this out there for your consideration anyway. There is little doubt in my mind that you two need to communicate a bit more. I don't know the vibe between you so it's tough to suggest how to go about that... Maybe it's a frank and open discussion over a romantic dinner, or it's simply sitting about the house. Clearly you two are talking or you wouldn't be this far down the road, but there is more work to be done. You both need to be honest with yourselves about what you want. Sometimes I make a list of the things I want to discuss with my wife and shoot them to her in an email to set the stage for a later conversation. Hell sometimes we make lists together. Doesn't sound like you have a list (real or metaphorical) right now, but I'm betting if you sat down with a paper and pen you could come up with a few things

I'm not really suggesting that you make an actual list if that doesn't work for you, could just be my own brand of crazy, but I would be willing to bet there is something you want that you just need to bring to the surface.

 

[CutieMouse]

OK, so it's about him, that's fine. But if it's completely a favor and you don't get anything you like out of it, then it's going to become a job. A job that has novelty now, but is going to be an imposition soon. And I can't imagine him getting what he needs out of dominance that's nothing but a favor you do for him.

Ditto x 10.

 

[Netzach]

Ditto x 10.

Happily, it doesn't have to be all RAWR IT'S ABOUT ME either. It can be mutually leafed through and enjoyed and discussed without killing all the hot or fun. It doesn't have to be all you or all him.

I'm very turned on by making my man toy totally turned on, for example. Ostensibly, this isn't about me it could be said, but I enjoy it so, what the hell, who's to say what I should do? If that's a goal, that can lead to "and what do I do next?"

 

[nanette09]

Thanks. That actually helps alot. I do plan on talking more with him. He thinks I have a kinky side that I need to explore. Perhaps. I'm totally into list making maybe this is something we can do together.

We got this far by putting ideas and favors into a hat. We each drew out two at random. That may work for the same situation.

As for our vibe. We are in repair. We talk. Just got back to laughing with each other and are trying to steal time for one another rather it is sexual or just to catch up on the day. Or lately...both at the same time.

 

[slavetonanette]

We've played once more since this post, and it was awesome. She dressed in sexy black lingerie and had me strip. She blindfolded me, bound my hands and tied them to a hook above the door. She then administed a severe whipping as punishment for me hurting her feelings earlier in the week, and I believe it helped her let out some of her anger on me. I had whelps for a few days. It was then followed up by rough anal dildo penetration of me with my face shoved into a pillow. She then made me turn over and looked me in the eyes as she took me till I came with a massive orgasm. I long to serve her again, worship her body, and take any pain she can dish out. I've realized that a combination of her being in charge, teasing/denial, humiliation, pain, and worhipping her body are a big turn on for me. She seemed to enjoy it, but she's learning techniques and her own likes and dislikes. She has come to a realization that inflicting pain turns her on. Life, college, and children have gotten in our way over the last few weeks. Lately we've both felt bogged down by everything. My birthday is coming up soon, and the best present I could get would be to serve her again.