Now what?

[MissShelly]

Okay, so first session went really well (and you know this if you read my earlier post titled "Thank you").

So now that it's not a totally new concept to us. What should we play with next?

We used silk ties, a flogger, nipple clamps, hot wax (need to get specific candles as even the white, unscented ones were too hot), blindfold, bit gag, and a few vibrators.. not to mention the biting *shudder*....

So, apart from getting appropriate candles, share some other ideas please!

Also, my husband sort of enjoyed being tied down, but he doesn't like ice and he's not into pain (that's all my area!). So, what can I try on him next. I'm not very creative in that department, because everything I could think of involved at least a little pain because it's something I would like done to me.

What we did discover (which was no surprise to me), was that I wasn't very good in the "top" position, and while he said he would be tied down again because it was "fun" not knowing what I'd do next, he was more into being the top (totally fine with me).

But on the occasion that he does want to be tied down again, any thoughts on what I could try on him? He wants to do wax play when we get the right candles.

Also, knowing that I like to be bit, and I REALLY REALLY REALLY liked the flogger... any other creative ideas?

Thanks!

 

[MissShelly]

P.S. Can you tell I'm way more comfortable here now than I was my first few weeks? LOL

 

[DVS]

Okay, so first session went really well (and you know this if you read my earlier post titled "Thank you").

So now that it's not a totally new concept to us. What should we play with next?

We used silk ties, a flogger, nipple clamps, hot wax (need to get specific candles as even the white, unscented ones were too hot), blindfold, bit gag, and a few vibrators.. not to mention the biting *shudder*....

So, apart from getting appropriate candles, share some other ideas please!

Also, my husband sort of enjoyed being tied down, but he doesn't like ice and he's not into pain (that's all my area!). So, what can I try on him next. I'm not very creative in that department, because everything I could think of involved at least a little pain because it's something I would like done to me.

What we did discover (which was no surprise to me), was that I wasn't very good in the "top" position, and while he said he would be tied down again because it was "fun" not knowing what I'd do next, he was more into being the top (totally fine with me).

But on the occasion that he does want to be tied down again, any thoughts on what I could try on him? He wants to do wax play when we get the right candles.

Also, knowing that I like to be bit, and I REALLY REALLY REALLY liked the flogger... any other creative ideas?

Thanks!

Well, I'm not submissive, but I'd think you could take the things you find enjoyable (the non pain things) and convert them to his side. Bondage is always fun and maybe lewd positions that make him more vulnerable to you. Or, the basic spread eagle on the bed is good for most access that doesn't include pain.

And the sensual blow job that stops just short of allowing him to cum, keeping him on the edge of orgasm for a while can be interesting. Don't make it last too long, though. Too long can only be judged by you, watching his reactions. But, if you are good at it, you can really cause him to squirm with just your mouth. Just blowing air on the head of his hard cock, enough to make it wiggle back and forth, can really torment him. Then, when you decide to go ahead and let him cum, shove a lubed finger up his ass and gulp him down your throat and expect the back of your head to blow off. Well, that is if you swallow. If not, expect cum to hit the ceiling.

What you say can be just as powerful as what you do. Take mock pitty on him and his engorged cock. Ask him if he wants you to let him cum, ask him what you need to do to make that agony go away. Then, when he tells you, just giggle and tell him it would be fun...for later.

During this, blindfolds are nice, because he can't watch what you're doing. But as a different kind of twist, a gag in his mouth so he can't even beg for release is nice and no blindfold, so he has to watch you devour his cock. You just have to try various things to find out what tweaks his desires.

 

[Glycanthrope]

Congratulations on your husband showing an interest in switching. I've always felt that the best top is someone who can see it from both sides.

Since you are already busy doing rope work on your husband, you might also consider adding a touch of cock and ball bondage to your activities.

It is kinky and painless fun for the both of you, first the tying-up bit, and then you can use the length of rope as a leash to guide him, or pull it to give him a gentle tug. Most guys respond well to that.

Now that the festive season is almost upon us, you could substitute rope for christmas ribbons and tie up the whole package with a nice bowtie, then unpack it "in your own time" to tease him.

There is so much more to BDSM than pain.

 

[MissShelly]

Awesome ideas. Thanks!

 

[seela]

It's great to hear that it worked out for you the way you wanted and you're roaring to get some more experience! I liked your thank you thread too, it's nice to hear that we have played a part in making your first experience a good one. Yay us as a community!

It's impossible for any of us to really give you an exact road map to follow. Have you taken a look at checklists? They're lists that some people use to map their interests in bdsm and communicate them to their partner. They list several acts ranging from giving/getting a foot massage to knifes and needles. If you google "bdsm checklist" you'll find plenty different ones, it might be worthwhile to take a look at a couple.

I'm not suggesting that you should necessarily fill out one, but it can give you ideas about everything that there is out there to bdsm and get your creative juices going. Like I said, they usually have all kinds of acts listed in them, so some of them are likely to be complete turn offs, but you might find some new areas to explore as well.

Reading the stories here on Lit or elsewhere will probably give you ideas as well. Just remember they're fiction, which I'm sure you already know.

Other than that, just talk with your husband. Do you know his limits, wants, needs and fantasies? It doesn't have to (shouldn't) be just you who comes up with these ideas. If he has something he'd like to experience, maybe he can tell you and you can work together to make it reality. Maybe you could show him a checklist as well and he can pick things that he finds titillating.

 

[MissShelly]

It's great to hear that it worked out for you the way you wanted and you're roaring to get some more experience! I liked your thank you thread too, it's nice to hear that we have played a part in making your first experience a good one. Yay us as a community!

It's impossible for any of us to really give you an exact road map to follow. Have you taken a look at checklists? They're lists that some people use to map their interests in bdsm and communicate them to their partner. They list several acts ranging from giving/getting a foot massage to knifes and needles. If you google "bdsm checklist" you'll find plenty different ones, it might be worthwhile to take a look at a couple.

I'm not suggesting that you should necessarily fill out one, but it can give you ideas about everything that there is out there to bdsm and get your creative juices going. Like I said, they usually have all kinds of acts listed in them, so some of them are likely to be complete turn offs, but you might find some new areas to explore as well.

Reading the stories here on Lit or elsewhere will probably give you ideas as well. Just remember they're fiction, which I'm sure you already know.

Other than that, just talk with your husband. Do you know his limits, wants, needs and fantasies? It doesn't have to (shouldn't) be just you who comes up with these ideas. If he has something he'd like to experience, maybe he can tell you and you can work together to make it reality. Maybe you could show him a checklist as well and he can pick things that he finds titillating.

I try to talk with him about his wants/fantasies and I keep getting "I don't know, this is new to me. Let me think about it."
So it was pretty much trial and error when we switched. He knows what I like because I feed him my own fictional stories, which outline my fantasies. But as I am new, I don'treally know where to go next.

As for him...I know he doesn't like ice or pain. His nipples are off limits unless I'm being a brat. He wants to try wax when we get appropriate candles. And he likes the softer side of sensation play.

So being that I like pain and he doesn't, I cant figure out what to do with him when I have him tied down.

 

[seela]

I try to talk with him about his wants/fantasies and I keep getting "I don't know, this is new to me. Let me think about it."
So it was pretty much trial and error when we switched. He knows what I like because I feed him my own fictional stories, which outline my fantasies. But as I am new, I don'treally know where to go next.

As for him...I know he doesn't like ice or pain. His nipples are off limits unless I'm being a brat. He wants to try wax when we get appropriate candles. And he likes the softer side of sensation play.

So being that I like pain and he doesn't, I cant figure out what to do with him when I have him tied down.

Like it was said to another poster recently, if he's not willing to talk about his preferences with you, he's simply setting you up to fail. You can't read his mind.

Give him a checklist or a link to Lit's stories or even links to porn and tell him to feed his imagination a little bit and see what bubbles to the surface after he has had time to think about it a little.

 

[MissShelly]

Like it was said to another poster recently, if he's not willing to talk about his preferences with you, he's simply setting you up to fail. You can't read his mind.

Give him a checklist or a link to Lit's stories or even links to porn and tell him to feed his imagination a little bit and see what bubbles to the surface after he has had time to think about it a little.

He says he's "not good at this sort of thing," when it comes to talking about it. I think I'll email him the check list then use it as a conversation starter.

Thanks.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I try to talk with him about his wants/fantasies and I keep getting "I don't know, this is new to me. Let me think about it."
So it was pretty much trial and error when we switched. He knows what I like because I feed him my own fictional stories, which outline my fantasies. But as I am new, I don'treally know where to go next.

As for him...I know he doesn't like ice or pain. His nipples are off limits unless I'm being a brat. He wants to try wax when we get appropriate candles. And he likes the softer side of sensation play.

So being that I like pain and he doesn't, I cant figure out what to do with him when I have him tied down.

Getting some ideas from checklists and reading will probably help him get ideas.
They might also help you with ideas about what you want to do to him when you have the power.

Several people have mentioned edging already.
I'd also like to point out that pain and ice are not the only sensations. You could try using different textures like feathers, velvet, silk, hair, brushes etc while he is blindfolded. Try contrasts, try different bodyparts and keep him waiting and guessing.

 

[MissShelly]

Getting some ideas from checklists and reading will probably help him get ideas.
They might also help you with ideas about what you want to do to him when you have the power.

Several people have mentioned edging already.
I'd also like to point out that pain and ice are not the only sensations. You could try using different textures like feathers, velvet, silk, hair, brushes etc while he is blindfolded. Try contrasts, try different bodyparts and keep him waiting and guessing.

Yes, he likes different soft textures while being blind folded.

 

[MeekMe]

He says he's "not good at this sort of thing," when it comes to talking about it. I think I'll email him the check list then use it as a conversation starter.

Thanks.

You're super excited and ready to do this right now. He may need more time to think about these things and get his words right. It took months (maybe a year) for me and my husband to both become comfortable and able to talk freely about the subject of fetish/kink.

While I've had a mostly clear image of what I want, he hadn't given any thought to that sort of thing. So for me, when I was comfortable, I had all kinds of ideas. For him? It took awhile to figure it all out.

Perhaps he needs a little more time to get to know what he wants and be able to tell you.

 

[jonthechaosman]

So being that I like pain and he doesn't, I cant figure out what to do with him when I have him tied down.

Blindfold him and give him sensual touches and massage. Staying away from the penis but getting oh so close to it. Build up the tension in a soft and loving way with your fingers. Massage him by dragging your nipples across his chest, his face, his groin. Drag your hair over the same areas. Gentle tickling. When he is straining mightily and the tension has him vibrating on the bed with need...engulf him with your mouth or pussy without warning and take him to glorious completion.

Shit...I need to print this out and leave it somewhere for my wife to find so that hopefully she will surprise me with it someday.

I'll be in my bunk.

 

[MissShelly]

You're super excited and ready to do this right now. He may need more time to think about these things and get his words right. It took months (maybe a year) for me and my husband to both become comfortable and able to talk freely about the subject of fetish/kink.

While I've had a mostly clear image of what I want, he hadn't given any thought to that sort of thing. So for me, when I was comfortable, I had all kinds of ideas. For him? It took awhile to figure it all out.

Perhaps he needs a little more time to get to know what he wants and be able to tell you.

I think you are right. I think also I am the planner and he's the "go with the flow and lets just see what happens" type.

Blindfold him and give him sensual touches and massage. Staying away from the penis but getting oh so close to it. Build up the tension in a soft and loving way with your fingers. Massage him by dragging your nipples across his chest, his face, his groin. Drag your hair over the same areas. Gentle tickling. When he is straining mightily and the tension has him vibrating on the bed with need...engulf him with your mouth or pussy without warning and take him to glorious completion.

Shit...I need to print this out and leave it somewhere for my wife to find so that hopefully she will surprise me with it someday.

I'll be in my bunk.

Wow. This sounds awesome! Thanks. Good luck with leaving this laying around for your wife!