Now it happened...

[SnoopDog]

...I always checked the how to-board now and then and wondered about various problems in sexual lives of people. Now that I experienced my first couple of sex-acts I myself experienced the various problems myself. One of them being the fact that I can'T get my g/f to orgam. I mean, by fingering or licking or making love to her I can get her very close - as she has told me- but I cannot push her 'over the top', you know. It's quite annyoing since I don't care about whether or not I get an orgasm but I want her to feel great and orgasm. When I ask her what I should do better or different she always said it was good but she just needed time to get used to it and be able to orgasm (these are her first sex-experiences as well)
so I just want to express here that I perfectly understand the various sorts of problems.

Snoopy,

 

[bobsgirl]

As a starting point, take a look at the Blank Manual. There's bound to be some helpful information there.

It sounds like it's time for a very frank, up-close-and-personal discussion with your partner. Ask her if she will tell you and, more importantly, show you what feels good. A softer touch? A firmer touch? You get the idea.

You have time. There's no rush. Besides the experimenting is so much fun.

 

[SweetErika]

You have time. There's no rush. Besides the experimenting is so much fun.

I think this, and what your girl said, SD, is right on the money. It takes time, often a very long time, to really learn your partner's body, and the only failure is not taking that time to experiment, explore, communicate, and continue to build intimacy. Instead of seeing each time it doesn't happen as a problem, perhaps look at them as successes, or being one step closer. Take the pressure off, continue to learn, and she'll get there.

 

[mrpenis]

Dont fret too much, it's happened to me on many occasions with different parnters, and can say from first hand experience and listening to others it's just mental block.

Keep playing around and it will cum. Sometimes sexualy mental block is a lil tougher for some to get through, just dont dwell too much on it otherwise the situation will become worse for both of you and it'll never happen.

 

[bisexplicit]

One thing you could do - if shes comfortable with it - is have her show you how she makes herself orgasm. Learning from her may be helpful for you.

 

[midwestyankee]

Make sure that you make love to her mind and soul 24 hours a day long before you get into bed. It makes all the difference in the world when she understands that her soul is the center of your universe.

 

[Sweetblueyedgrl]

Give it some time, some people need a lot of time to feel comfortable. Having an orgasm with someone can be scary when you've never experienced it before. Try not to pressure her. Tell her its o.k, and that in time she will feel relaxed enough. If she knows your expecting, dying for her to orgasm, this might be putting a huge pressure on her. Try telling her to just lay back and enjoy it, don'tworry about orgasming. I bet this will help her to relax enough to finally let go with the pressure off.

 

[HandFan]

I for one would like to applaude Snoop for being so considerate to his girl. If you are a young guy, then I am impressed that you care so much for her pleasure right off the bat. It seems to take a lot of men years to get to where they even start to think of their partners pleasure before their own, and that's even with a lot of experience. Most men seem to treat a womans orgasm as a chore to be finished up quickly and mechanically so that they can move on to what they want instead. Sorry if I sound jaded....just my personal experience, as well as the experience of a lot of women that I know.

So once again, I tip my hat to you and would say...have fun with it! Frolick in the fields of foreplay! Just try not to make it goal-oriented, cause believe me, she'll sense it and it will be harder for her to enjoy what you are doing.

One thing you might consider is, see if lots of non-genital touching would warm her up and help her relax. I would also say to sort of roam around her clit, then back off and go to something else, then come back to her clit. It will show her that your not just making her orgasm the big focus, and that you want her to feel pleasure of all kinds, and make you not look like your just rushing her to hurry and come.

 

[eudaemonia]

Make sure that you make love to her mind and soul 24 hours a day long before you get into bed. It makes all the difference in the world when she understands that her soul is the center of your universe.

Spot on! Knowing that she has your full attention to the care and feeding of her soul ... whew! That should rock anyone's world.

 

[SnoopDog]

Well, thnx everybody first of all.

I didn't want to sound too desperate or too pushy on that subject. I really am very happy with my g/f (she's my first g/f) and I think she is too. We both know that the sex isn't perfect and at least I am perfectly ok with it. She says that she is as well. But I just want her to be happy and feel the things that I feel when I orgasm. So it's like my biggest fear that I cannot make her orgasm - whatever the reason may be.
Because in the long run I firmly believe stuff like that can ruin a relationship.

Snoops,

 

[Snowman5933]

Relax, relax, relax! It took me and my so some time to be able to orgasm in front of each other (we were 1st time partners also). Don't rush things, it will happen, and it'll be incredible when it does. Good luck to both of you.

Snowman

 

[DirtyJJ]

So it's like my biggest fear that I cannot make her orgasm - whatever the reason may be.
Because in the long run I firmly believe stuff like that can ruin a relationship.

Snoops,

Snoopy, first I wanted to say that I am happy for you that you have a girlfriend and are enjoying your first sexual experiences... I know you have wanted that for a long time so that's great!

Second, I wanted to address your question, in particular because of the statement you made above that I quoted. You are very sweet and considerate for wanting to make your girlfriend experience pleasure during sex... that's wonderful. But I would caution you into turning that into fear of not being able to, or worrying that it could ruin a relationship. The truth is that many, if not most females have difficulty having an orgasm during sex. That's just the way it is. There are some lucky ones who find it easy, but I believe most often that comes from experience and time. I know you are young, and if she is too and this is her first sexual experience, it's honestly a lot to expect for her to have an orgasm right off the bat. Some may disgaree with me but I think there is a lot of truth to it.

I am in my mid-thirties, and can have orgasms during sex, but I have to almost "make" it happen myself. It would be wonderful if my partner could "make" me come during intercourse, but that hasn't happened to me. Any orgasms I have involve me doing what I know I need to do - which mostly means getting on top and moving the way I need to bring an orgasm on. I've just accepted that. I don't blame my partner, or put the responsibility on him... I know he would love to make me come in all different ways and cares about my pleasure but I don't resent him or doubt the realtionship because he can't make me. I know how my body works and that's that.

So give it some time, realize you are young and can take time learning together, and don't have such a big fear of it - and certainly don't worry that the relationship could end over it. I highly doubt that. Enjoy each other and all the aspects of your relationship. And I also echo what was said about making love to her mind... that's so important to making a woman feel loved and secure.

Good luck!

 

[ickle_stace]

you both just need to relax. If she feels as though she has to orgasm to make you feel like you've done something right, it'll be harder for her to cum, you just have to let it happen naturally. I know from my own experience that the more I think that I'm going to cum or I have to cum, then I don't, and as soon as i don't think about it and I just enjoy the feelings, then I orgasm and it feels great

 

[SnoopDog]

Snoopy, first I wanted to say that I am happy for you that you have a girlfriend and are enjoying your first sexual experiences... I know you have wanted that for a long time so that's great!

Second, I wanted to address your question, in particular because of the statement you made above that I quoted. You are very sweet and considerate for wanting to make your girlfriend experience pleasure during sex... that's wonderful. But I would caution you into turning that into fear of not being able to, or worrying that it could ruin a relationship. The truth is that many, if not most females have difficulty having an orgasm during sex. That's just the way it is. There are some lucky ones who find it easy, but I believe most often that comes from experience and time. I know you are young, and if she is too and this is her first sexual experience, it's honestly a lot to expect for her to have an orgasm right off the bat. Some may disgaree with me but I think there is a lot of truth to it.

I am in my mid-thirties, and can have orgasms during sex, but I have to almost "make" it happen myself. It would be wonderful if my partner could "make" me come during intercourse, but that hasn't happened to me. Any orgasms I have involve me doing what I know I need to do - which mostly means getting on top and moving the way I need to bring an orgasm on. I've just accepted that. I don't blame my partner, or put the responsibility on him... I know he would love to make me come in all different ways and cares about my pleasure but I don't resent him or doubt the realtionship because he can't make me. I know how my body works and that's that.

So give it some time, realize you are young and can take time learning together, and don't have such a big fear of it - and certainly don't worry that the relationship could end over it. I highly doubt that. Enjoy each other and all the aspects of your relationship. And I also echo what was said about making love to her mind... that's so important to making a woman feel loved and secure.

Good luck!

Oh my, thnx a lot for all the advice. It's good to come back here and see some people actually do remember me. *kiss*

you both just need to relax. If she feels as though she has to orgasm to make you feel like you've done something right, it'll be harder for her to cum, you just have to let it happen naturally. I know from my own experience that the more I think that I'm going to cum or I have to cum, then I don't, and as soon as i don't think about it and I just enjoy the feelings, then I orgasm and it feels great

Again, thnx to all of you kind folks.

To keep you updated, the last time again was pretty frustrating since she couldn't come, and didn'T even get aroused a bit I guess, and I did also not come. Oh my, maybe we just have to open up a bit but it's god damn hard.

Snoopy

 

[thirty]

It said that some women can only have orgasm after giving births.

 

[Norajane]

It said that some women can only have orgasm after giving births.

Are those the same people who think sex is natural so you don't need any additional lubrication?

 

[SweetErika]

It said that some women can only have orgasm after giving births.

All of my orgasms last night say otherwise.

Maybe this is a myth in your culture to keep women from having premarital sex and the population going, Thirty?