Novice - can you help me understand?

[Mondoboy]

Having recently seen some porn (and now found myself searching out this type of porn more & more) featuring females in various states of being on a table/bench/some kind of medical-looking table, both on their backs and on their knees with some form of restraint, and receiving various types of sexual engagement by another person or 2 (men or women or both), I have found myself getting excited by this and am interested in exploring this further.

But having read up on BDSM, I'm not a S or M, and I'm not sure if I want to dish out any/much B or much of D either.

I am not attracted to punishment, humiliation, beating, violence, torture or inflicting pain and so I am wondering what am I actually attracted to?
(When any film show such scenes, I immediately close down that window).

I would like to explore these interests more but I don't know how or what I am actually attracted to.

I don't really understand the control element of being a Master and having any form of submissive person (from very mild to very strict) that I control to some extent, whether physically, verbally or mentally or any combination.
Likewise, I don't understand the mind of a person or the attraction that someone has to being dominated, controlled, instructed, punished and more.
Do the above two statements show that I am not looking for BDSM and can't understand it?

While I am very sexual person and have a higher than average sex drive, I think I want to experiment with someone sexually (and which could go anywhere I suppose), in the way I have seen on those films and other ways that I have started to imagine, but I have no idea what to call such an interest nor do I know what to ask for or where to start looking for people.

While there are plenty of seemingly ready, eager and single (or available) women for BDSM hookups, finding women for sexual exploration, experimentation, role playing, etc, is very hard, without a BF or husband joining in or being nearby, which is a turn off for me.

The idea of role play does interest me and if tying someone down on the bench (at least to start with) was part of what I want to explore, I suppose this would be fine.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Having recently seen some porn (and now found myself searching out this type of porn more & more) featuring females in various states of being on a table/bench/some kind of medical-looking table, both on their backs and on their knees with some form of restraint, and receiving various types of sexual engagement by another person or 2 (men or women or both), I have found myself getting excited by this and am interested in exploring this further.

But having read up on BDSM, I'm not a S or M, and I'm not sure if I want to dish out any/much B or much of D either.

I am not attracted to punishment, humiliation, beating, violence, torture or inflicting pain and so I am wondering what am I actually attracted to?
(When any film show such scenes, I immediately close down that window).

I would like to explore these interests more but I don't know how or what I am actually attracted to.

I don't really understand the control element of being a Master and having any form of submissive person (from very mild to very strict) that I control to some extent, whether physically, verbally or mentally or any combination.
Likewise, I don't understand the mind of a person or the attraction that someone has to being dominated, controlled, instructed, punished and more.
Do the above two statements show that I am not looking for BDSM and can't understand it?

While I am very sexual person and have a higher than average sex drive, I think I want to experiment with someone sexually (and which could go anywhere I suppose), in the way I have seen on those films and other ways that I have started to imagine, but I have no idea what to call such an interest nor do I know what to ask for or where to start looking for people.

While there are plenty of seemingly ready, eager and single (or available) women for BDSM hookups, finding women for sexual exploration, experimentation, role playing, etc, is very hard, without a BF or husband joining in or being nearby, which is a turn off for me.

The idea of role play does interest me and if tying someone down on the bench (at least to start with) was part of what I want to explore, I suppose this would be fine.

From the bolded porition above, it sounds to me that your interests lie primarily in the "B" portion of the spectrum. Bondage. Plus sex.

There's nothing wrong with that. There's a reason that it's a spectrum - because people are different, and have differing wants and needs and interests. You might want to look into shibari, the art of Japanese rope bondage.

As far as a BF or husband joining in/lurking nearby, I'm pretty sure that if you look, you'll be able to find women interested in being the bindee to your binder, with or without sex, depending on your initial agreement. If it begins without sex, you may find at a later point that you both have reached a point where the pleasure of the bondage leads to the pleasures of sex. Or maybe not. It all depends on the two of you, and where your minds and desires meet.

Good luck... and welcome to the BDSM Talk and BDSM Café fora.

 

[CutieMouse]

What you initially described sounds like it might fall under the umbrella of a "medical fetish" - that might at least give you a search term to Google, or keywords to look for groups at fetlife.com to learn more/chat with people of similar interests.

 

[Mondoboy]

What you initially described sounds like it might fall under the umbrella of a "medical fetish"

That interests me too but it's not limited to that.
I think the female being on her back/knees and having things done to her is probably what's interesting me.

I've never liked girl on top sexual positions myself or to watch such things.

I also think my being in control of giving & withholding the pleasure/experimentation also appeals.
I would also like to do some shaving too.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You sound like a top, to me. Not a Dom who lords it over a submissive, not a Master who owns a slave, none of those roles-- just a guy who likes to do unto a gal who likes to be done.

Get yourself over to fetlife.com which is like facebook for pervs and see what's happening in your area.

See if you can get a couple of bondage seminars, because there are, believe it or not, a few safety issues that it would be useful to know about-- not to mention a way to start meeting women, perhaps.

Shibari... well. I'm like you, I want to get my partner tied up simply, and effectively, so I can get to the fun action. Shibari is a whole lot of knot tying and not so much pussy action, in my experience. It's rope for the rope's sake.