NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

[Isabella Thorne]

I have just received this urgent memo from the Governor General of Canada:

To the Citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect your next President, we do hereby give notice, effective today, of the revocation of your temporary independence.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Utah will be put out to bid for management as a penal settlement.

Your new Prime Minister The Right Honourable Jean Chrétien, will appoint a Minister for TFKATUSOA (The Territory Formerly Known As The United States Of America) without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate is dissolved and will be redeployed as a kindergarten since that will cause unnoticeable disruption to those who spend their time there. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To facilitate the transition to a British Crown Dependency ...

1. There is no such thing as "U.S. English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

2. The peddling of branded beverages such as "Budweiser", "Miller", "Schlitz" as beer, and "Crown Royal", "Jack Daniels" as whiskey and shall cease forthwith.

3. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

4. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

If all this goes well, we may, at our discretion, consider granting you full colonial status.

Sincerely Yours

Isabella Thorne
Tarty Ambassador for Foreign Affairs
For the Governor General of Canada
________________________
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
o'er the land of the free, and the home of the brave?

DISCLAIMER: Please ... no offense meant ... only a silly little joke to make you chuckle ...

 

[Merelan]

You know, sometimes you worry me.

 

[R Nitelight]

Sounds fair to me.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Purple Haze]

Does this mean we get to drink good beer from now on?

 

[Expertise]

Dearest Bella

Could you lobby JC and Liz for me and see if you can secure me a governorship. One of the warmer colonies if possible.

If JC has already awarded the warm ones to his cronies and thugs Maryland would be an acceptable substitute. Even a Vice-Regal position would be acceptable.

Good government and good beer is finally coming to our southern brethren.

I remain, your humble servant.


The Right Honorable

Chandler Byng

aka Expertise

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

LOL Does this mean you'll also keep an eye on Lybia for us? And Iran? And Irag? And China?

No? Oh, okay. Then you'd all better start buying gas masks and hoarding oil.

 

[Bobtoad777]

why was I left out of this whole deal, we all I know I am the one who runs Canada JC is just a puppet

 

[Juliangel]

Dearest Bella

Could you lobby JC and Liz for me and see if you can secure me a governorship. One of the warmer colonies if possible.

Oh yes the colony of Georgia could use a man like him and I would be willing to scarafice myself as his personal aid to assist in local affairs

We have hockey to offer too... They stink but he could come change that.

[Edited by Juliangel on 11-16-2000 at 09:06 AM]

 

[CreamyLady]

Like hell.

 

[handsomexotic]

I have just received this urgent memo from the Governor
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

OMG--that means Charles is next in line? Give me Cheney or Lieberman any day!

 

[Myrrdin]

Welcome to the twenty first century.........

Could be a step forward for you guys.
Our head of state Queen Elizabeth II has never been elected by a democratic vote of all our citizens. Properly counted and verified. But holds power due to the loyalty of her supporters.

Your future leader GW Bush, seems to have taken her as a role model.

 

[Latina]

Umm, excuse me, if the American colonies are to return to the English Crown, does that mean we here in California go back under the Spanish crown? I'd go for that ONLY if we get to have a Zorro (AKA Antonio Banderas) liberate us, and I get the Catherine Zeta-Jones role.

I'll let my Zorro slash his Z into MY lingerie and make it fall off, anytime he wants. Mmmm!

LMAO.

Maybe California should secede and declare our own president (SF Mayor Willy Brown perhaps?). As an independent nation, we would have something like the 3rd or 4th strongest economy in the world. We've got it all: farms (most of the salads eaten in the US contain lettuce and other vegetables that were grown in California and shipped east by rail), illegal drugs (more marijuana is grown in Humboldt County than anywhere else in the world), oil (there's even oil pumps in the backyard of movie stars in Beverly Hills--I've SEEN them!), metals, railroads, minerals, movies, computers, auto and airplane factories, defense and aerospace contractors, military bases, three of America's 15 biggest cities (LA, SF, and San Jose), and the world's wealthiest man (Oracle's CEO Larry Ellison), so who needs a US or a Gore/Bush?

LMAO again.

-- Latina

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

California its own country? Hmm. What would its national anthem be? "California Here We Come?" Or how about "That's Entertainment!"

If your state seceded and became a country, what would its anthem be?

I'm from NY, so I'd have to say either "Rhapsody in Blue" or the theme from "The Empire Strike Back."

I also grew up in Jersey. That's an easy call. "Born to Run", baby.

 

[Latina]

"California Here We Come" is already unofficially (and maybe even officially?) the state song.

We'd have to have the song translated into Spanish and Vietnamese, almost as many speakers of those languages in California as there are of English. Election materials are already printed in all 3 languages here. San Jose area, where I live, has more Vietnamese-born people than any area outside of Saigon! We also have large Indian (from India) and Iranian populations here (there's even a Farsi TV station, and for those who don't know, Farsi is a language of Iran-- I'd say THE language of Iran, but I believe there are other languages that lay equal claim to being Iranian, not sure of that). Not sure whether California Here We Come is even translatable into Farsi (different alphabet, different cultural experiences, would the song make SENSE in Farsi)?

We also have our own dear ex-governor, Oakland mayor, former boyfriend of Linda Ronstadt, and all-around nut-case Jerry Brown. Maybe he could serve in the cabinet of this new nation.

By the way, California was an indendepent nation for about 6 days, 150 years ago, in-between winning its independence from Mexico and signing-on as another state in the U.S. Its flag as an independent republic was the bear flag that still serves as the state flag to this day.

Can we have Nevada too? Lots of Californias love those casinos at Tahoe, Reno, and Vegas, we wouldn't want to give those up! Tour buses to/from Nevada contribute a lot to our economy, too. Anyone else ever been to StateLine Hotel/Casino at Lake Tahoe? It's built literally on the California/Nevada border on the north side of Lake Tahoe. The hotel is on the California side, where gambling is illegal, but a walk down the hallway brings you into the attached and legal casino on the Nevada side. Frank Sinatra's money built the place. We once went there exhausted and short of cash, the only room they had free was the honeymoon cottage, a separate bulding behind the hotel, they gave it to us at half-price and we used it for the purpose for which it was designed, as well as to sleep in. A bit cheesy, in-room hot-tub and mirrored ceilings, but fun, too.

-- Latina

 

[April]

Expertise, baby, don't you want to go to Alaska with me? We can keep each other warm. Hmmm. Then again, I'm rather partial to northern New Mexico.

Ah, never mind. Nobody wants me anyway. I'll just be a hermit.

 

[Rosebud]

oooo Izzy baby..you can rule me anytime

I got something similar...

London, 8th November 2000

To the citizens of the United States of America,

Following your failure to elect a President of the USA to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume a monarch's duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply with the following acts:

1. Look up "revoke" in a dictionary
2. Learn at least the first 4 lines of "God save the Queen"
3. Start referring to "soccer" as football
4. Declare war on Quebec

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your cooperation and, have a nice day!

 

[Latina]

That bit about back taxes to 1776 reminded me of something Frank once did. When he switched long-distance companies a few years ago, the old company started putting a surcharge on his monthly phone bill every month, for no longer being a customer. The thing is, he had been an employee of that long-distance carrier 20 years earlier. So he sent them a bill for back wages for no longer being an employee for the previous 20 years. The surcharges then disappeared from his phone bill.

True story!

-- Latina

 

[Skibum]

We kicked their ass at Saratoga and Yorktown once, and now they want us back? I guess the Green Mountain Boys will just have to invade Canada again!

I can see it now. A rag-tag collection of beered up Woodchucks with deer rifles facing off against the RCMP at the Derby-line crossing.

Do you think we could covince the French to help us again? After all we bailed them out in 1917 and 1944!

[Edited by Skibum on 11-16-2000 at 06:05 PM]

 

[Rosebud]

In the famous words of Southpark...."Blame Canada"

 

[Isabella Thorne]

What? You Worry?

You know, sometimes you worry me.

What??? Merelan ... I cannot believe this ... Why do I worry you? I would never ever want to do that, dear!

Oh yea Chandler ... pas de prob ... after schmoozing big time with Liz and Jean, you have been granted the governorship of Georgia ... seems like they were also persuaded by the pleas of Juliangel ... you lucky thing you ... your winters will never be the same. Hey I guess the state song for you could be "Rainy Night in Georgia" ...

Bobtoad dear ... You were sent a memo ... Maybe it got "lost in the mail" ...

Lol Dixon ... I love that "Born to Run" is the state song for New Jersey ... soooo cool, dear!

Oh yea Latina ... "California here I cum" ... or how bout "California Dreaming"??

Nance ... what do you mean no one wants you ... I want you ... and you know it!

Myrrdin ... "God save our gracious queen … Long live our noble queen" ... lol ... oh yikes I am so blonde that I never heard of Cymru before ... so I looked it up on the web ... in Wales, right? As in Charles, Prince of Wales?

Oh cool bout your joke Rose-buddy ... to tell you the truth I kinda altered my joke ... even though it was different from your joke, it was originally meant to be from England instead of Canada ... I know I am so naughty ... ha ha ... but hey that's the way you like me ...

*handing Haze an ice cold Molson*
______________________
George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling. George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am".

George W. asked him why he was so unfriendly and Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert.

 

[Expertise]

Jimmy can't we talk about this...

"I been to Georgia on a fast train honey, no I wasn't born yesterday. I got a good christian raisin'an a eighth grade education 'n there ain't no need in y'all a treatin' me this way"

Keep the engines running on the plane for me Bella. Although Juliangel might welcome me with open arms I suspect that the Carter boys have dropped their habitat for humanity project and are leading the lynch mob in to Atlanta.

 

[Juliangel]

Re: Jimmy can't we talk about this...

"I been to Georgia on a fast train honey, no I wasn't born yesterday. I got a good christian raisin'an a eighth grade education 'n there ain't no need in y'all a treatin' me this way"

Keep the engines running on the plane for me Bella. Although Juliangel might welcome me with open arms I suspect that the Carter boys have dropped their habitat for humanity project and are leading the lynch mob in to Atlanta.

Oh honey come on down you'll be safe with me, maybe not from me but safe with me.

Haven't y'all heard Carter announced he no longer wishes to be associated with the Southern Baptists because of the way they treat their women.

and if they do bother you I will give then a swift kick in the butt, check out my leg on the Leg person thread it is a good one for kickings and other things.

 

[Guest]

A rather expanded version I got in my mailbox:


NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thusto govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new Prime Minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played against the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "pooh".
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.




MM
For the sake of the rest of the world, anyone but Bush. Please, God, anyone but Bush.....

 

[Ticklish Girl]

3. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

That's ok by me. I always thought my birthday should be a national holiday, anyway.