Not feeling practical or prudent...

[CutieMouse]

Okay. So I posted my personals ad here the other day, and so appreciate all the support- y'all gave me the courage to brave the big bad world of collarme, and I put the exact same ad up there on Wednesday night around 10 or 11pm, expecting a flood of idiots and jerks, since everyone talks about how pervasive HNGs are there, right?

Crickets are almost chirping over there (I've had a total of 6 people respond, only 2 from Dallas, and less than 12 have even looked at the profile. LOL)

But ummm... oh boy.

Umm... so about 10 minutes after I posted the ad, I got a response... from someone who sends me the text of his original ad (now inactive), with an inquiry at the top asking if I felt I was limiting myself by not being open to relocation?

Ummm...

Holy shit. I mean wow holy shit. I mean witty and brilliant and he referenced Ovid's Pygmalion, in his ad thingie too and well rounded and things in common and witty and perfect age (51) and interesting... and retired in a beach house in the Dominican Republic, working on a novel, and very much interested in me. I mean like ME me. And didn't freak out when I explained I'd need to see my eleventy million kids once a month. And we spent 4 hours on the phone yesterday. And he wants to fly me down for 2 weeks next month, no strings, no obligations, no proprietary rights to me during the visit/I'll have my own suite at the house- just hanging out and getting a feel and seeing if there is any chemistry. Like ready to book my flight, and isn't going to look elsewhere until we decide one way or the other wants to meet me.

Every time I think of something to ask, or that I want to talk about, I write it down because I know we'll keep talking on the phone... and I've Googled him... and I know to see if he'll send a scan of his DL (number blacked out) for ID... and I'm trying to remember what else I need to be thinking and doing because this feels really freaking surreal and too damned good to be true. It's like I sat down and thought "what words do I use to find the perfect man?" and he poofed out of thin air...

What am I missing here? Help?

 

[graceanne]

Okay. So I posted my personals ad here the other day, and so appreciate all the support- y'all gave me the courage to brave the big bad world of collarme, and I put the exact same ad up there on Wednesday night around 10 or 11pm, expecting a flood of idiots and jerks, since everyone talks about how pervasive HNGs are there, right?

Crickets are almost chirping over there (I've had a total of 6 people respond, only 2 from Dallas, and less than 12 have even looked at the profile. LOL)

But ummm... oh boy.

Umm... so about 10 minutes after I posted the ad, I got a response... from someone who sends me the text of his original ad (now inactive), with an inquiry at the top asking if I felt I was limiting myself by not being open to relocation?

Ummm...

Holy shit. I mean wow holy shit. I mean witty and brilliant and he referenced Ovid's Pygmalion, in his ad thingie too and well rounded and things in common and witty and perfect age (51) and interesting... and retired in a beach house in the Dominican Republic, working on a novel, and very much interested in me. I mean like ME me. And didn't freak out when I explained I'd need to see my eleventy million kids once a month. And we spent 4 hours on the phone yesterday. And he wants to fly me down for 2 weeks next month, no strings, no obligations, no proprietary rights to me during the visit/I'll have my own suite at the house- just hanging out and getting a feel and seeing if there is any chemistry. Like ready to book my flight, and isn't going to look elsewhere until we decide one way or the other wants to meet me.

Every time I think of something to ask, or that I want to talk about, I write it down because I know we'll keep talking on the phone... and I've Googled him... and I know to see if he'll send a scan of his DL (number blacked out) for ID... and I'm trying to remember what else I need to be thinking and doing because this feels really freaking surreal and too damned good to be true. It's like I sat down and thought "what words do I use to find the perfect man?" and he poofed out of thin air...

What am I missing here? Help?

Wow. That's great . . . and creepy. I'd do something to make sure that this license belongs to him, and isn't one he stole. I mean just cause he sends you ID doesn't mean it's his.

 

[myinnerslut]

wow


i dont know what to say other then wow

 

[DVS]

OK, calm down. You need to take things very slow. It sounds to me like you are being sucked into his web, head over heals without even thinking of what might happen that you don't want.

I'm not doing anything but playing the devil's advocate here. But, the last thing I want to see is another news story on the nightly news about a pretty woman last seen on a visit to the Dominican Republic. Her friends are down there passing out fliers and asking questions in the hopes someone knows something and is willing to talk.

Yes, that's the worst case scenario, but you need to think about such things, when you are going in there blind like that. You might not think it's blind, because you've talked to the guy on the phone for a long time, and so you feel you already know him.

And, that's possible, too. But, I kind of like you and I'd love to see you be happy. But, I don't want you to be hurt, either. Take your time, check him out, make sure you know what's going to happen and when. If he's OK with it, maybe you could take a friend with you...kind of like a girl's vacation. No, it's not that romantic of a thing to do, but it is less likely he'll think about hurting two women.

I'm agreeing with you that it just sounds a little too good to be true. Of course, it could be true, so I'm not saying you shouldn't pursue it. But, I've never liked people with money, because they can buy people off. And down there, it doesn't take much cash to buy someone off.

Sorry, if I'm being a downer on your great news. But, like I said...take it slow, check him out completely and still be cautious about him, even if he checks out. You're a smart lady. Use some of those smarts to play the devil's advocate for yourself. Where does he get h is money? Independently wealthy? That sounds nice, but watch out for those guys. Like I said, money talks. Ask to see his portfolio...check it out. Does he have a stockbroker, and accountant, any business associates? Are they legit with the U.S. government?

If he's a writer, is he published? Who is his publisher? If you contact them do they know him and vouch for him? Don't call who he gives you to check. Make a call on your own. Does he have a business card? Is he a U.S. citizen? Check him out with the FBI.

Sorry, if you think I’m a heal. I just like to keep my friends. I honestly hope he's a great guy and everything works out for you. Just take it slow. OK, I know I already said that.

 

[JupitersGirl]

I knew someone would have some good, specific advice. DVS to the rescue!

Maybe he could come to visit you rather than the other way around. At least then, you would have home field advantage.

 

[Shankara20]

Consider asking him to come up to Dallas and have lunch first, then walk around a public area like a mall or shopping area. Ask him to stay in a hotel, not your place. See how it clicks. Build from there.

Just my first thoughts, I agree with what DVS posted.

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

Okay. So I posted my personals ad here the other day, and so appreciate all the support- y'all gave me the courage to brave the big bad world of collarme, and I put the exact same ad up there on Wednesday night around 10 or 11pm, expecting a flood of idiots and jerks, since everyone talks about how pervasive HNGs are there, right?

Crickets are almost chirping over there (I've had a total of 6 people respond, only 2 from Dallas, and less than 12 have even looked at the profile. LOL)

But ummm... oh boy.

Umm... so about 10 minutes after I posted the ad, I got a response... from someone who sends me the text of his original ad (now inactive), with an inquiry at the top asking if I felt I was limiting myself by not being open to relocation?

Ummm...

Holy shit. I mean wow holy shit. I mean witty and brilliant and he referenced Ovid's Pygmalion, in his ad thingie too and well rounded and things in common and witty and perfect age (51) and interesting... and retired in a beach house in the Dominican Republic, working on a novel, and very much interested in me. I mean like ME me. And didn't freak out when I explained I'd need to see my eleventy million kids once a month. And we spent 4 hours on the phone yesterday. And he wants to fly me down for 2 weeks next month, no strings, no obligations, no proprietary rights to me during the visit/I'll have my own suite at the house- just hanging out and getting a feel and seeing if there is any chemistry. Like ready to book my flight, and isn't going to look elsewhere until we decide one way or the other wants to meet me.

Every time I think of something to ask, or that I want to talk about, I write it down because I know we'll keep talking on the phone... and I've Googled him... and I know to see if he'll send a scan of his DL (number blacked out) for ID... and I'm trying to remember what else I need to be thinking and doing because this feels really freaking surreal and too damned good to be true. It's like I sat down and thought "what words do I use to find the perfect man?" and he poofed out of thin air...

What am I missing here? Help?

Cutie: First of all this is neither here nor there but I have been meaning to say I like the pic change. I don't know you only from your posts, so not at all, but where is the level headed woman that gives all the practical this isn't porn, or fantasy stuff? I'm not saying this can't be real but a little too good to be true? Please be careful. What safety things have you put in place? Typical phone call etc etc. I'm with DVS, none of us want to see you on the news as gone missing. I know meeting someone from a online start can be looked down on and that isn't what I'm worried about as you can meet crazies anywhere, I would worry about being so far from home and people you can count on if you need help.

I know you are intelligent enough to know this but your excitement while making me happy for you almost has me waiting for the other shoe to drop. What is the rush?

Now might be a good time to review WHY you put in your ad that your location was important. I've not seen you to be one that just does stuff for the sake of doing it so perhaps reminding yourself why you thought it best to stay in your area might help to remain focused on everything that is important to you. Just a thought.

 

[WriterDom]

Yeah, if he's that wealthy he shouldn't have a problem coming to you for the first visit. It will be much easier to find the body in Texas. Just kidding. I hope it works out for you.

 

[callinectes]

Limiting factor question... Do you have a passport? If not, can you even get one in two weeks?

That aside, I too think you should consider asking him to come to Dallas. If that is not possible, and you decide to go down there, I would insist on staying in a hotel rather than his home.

I hope Shy will check in soon. As I recall Andante sent her all sorts of information including copies of his passport before she met him.

 

[graceanne]

I second what DVS said. I don't want to be a downer - things like this happen, but as a rule if something sounds too good to be true, it is. Like I said, it's kinda creepy.

 

[WriterDom]

I can see a guy like that going for her. A rare combination of brains and beauty.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Not much to add to what has been said. My first thought also was let him come to you....he can supposedly afford it, even if only for a day or so, and gives you the chance to get a better idea of him, introduce him to some friends you know and see how he handles that, and definately not staying at your place or you at his given the brevity of your knowledge of each other....just too risky and too hard to extricate yourself from if you start smelling something fishy, especialy if you were on his territory where he holds all the cards. If he is for real, he shouldn't have an issue with it, and actually applaud you for watching out for yourself instead of being a possible willing/unwilling victim. If he does have problems with it, might be wiser to wave him goodbye unless they seem really, really legitimate....remember, trust does not happen overnight, it takes time, so if he pulls the trust card, he is definately not the experienced gent he is professing to be, nor is he having honourable thoughts and intentions. I hope he turns out to be all you are sensing and that it could be the beginnning of something great for you.

Catalina

 

[CutieMouse]

I do have a passport, and just floated the idea of doing dinner in Dallas, instead. He said if that's what it takes, that's what he'll do, and he'll rearrange his flight (he's in Montreal on family business right now,a nd will go home to the DR the first week in July) so we can have dinner here, then see what happens. He's also said that any flight down, will be through AA, which goes in and out of the DR on a daily basis, and I could turn around and go home right away if I wanted to, at his expense. I could stay someplace other than his home if that made me more comfortable, or I could stay in one of the guest rooms with a lock on the door.

I know this is weird. I know. Everything that everyone is saying is EXACTLY what my sister, best friend, and everyone else said about a few years ago about J- who was real, was who he said he was, who wasn't a stalker or sociopath, or pretender, and without whom I'd not be the person I am right now. (third party verifiable, professional and personal references, did freelance work for the man, etc) Everyone told me it was wrong to trust my gut that J was real, but he was...

I've honestly dealt with slightly-eccentric-wealthy-interested-in-me men before... it's just the last one didn't want me badly enough to make it happen. I've dealt with it enough, to have a really good feel for sniffing out inconsistencies and details and bullshit. I know it seems fast and forward and weird, but I've dealt with people like him before (business and social) and he's acting consistantly with people who have spent 25 years working 100 hour weeks, retire early, and focus he same attention that they used in the business world, to their social life. I know that makes no sense; I know I sound like I've gone nuts.

Honestly, I had local only in my profile, because I don't want another long distance relationship. I am not opposed to relocating- I have nothing holding me to Dallas except it's where I grew up, and it's where my best friend lives. The divorce decree just says that I need to see the kids once a month- no limitations on where I live. My only issue with men outside of Dallas, is that it would mean an LDR, until relocation could be established, and I've spent enough time waiting for my Life to begin, thanks.

The whole thing is surreal.. and yes I recognize he's putting on a full court press here, which is flattering, but I'm familiar with powerful men pressing their agenda, and am still capable of seeing it and recognizing it for what it is- even through the flattery.

I know it sounds like I've lost my head, or am swirling about in some sort of sub-frenzy, or am being played for a fool by some internet stalker or something... I have children to think of- I am trusting, but not so trusting as to risk them no longer having a mother.

I'm just thinking...

 

[catalina_francisco]

I do have a passport, and just floated the idea of doing dinner in Dallas, instead. He said if that's what it takes, that's what he'll do, and he'll rearrange his flight (he's in Montreal on family business right now,a nd will go home to the DR the first week in July) so we can have dinner here, then see what happens. He's also said that any flight down, will be through AA, which goes in and out of the DR on a daily basis, and I could turn around and go home right away if I wanted to, at his expense. I could stay someplace other than his home if that made me more comfortable, or I could stay in one of the guest rooms with a lock on the door.

I know this is weird. I know. Everything that everyone is saying is EXACTLY what my sister, best friend, and everyone else said about a few years ago about J- who was real, was who he said he was, who wasn't a stalker or sociopath, or pretender, and without whom I'd not be the person I am right now. (third party verifiable, professional and personal references, did freelance work for the man, etc) Everyone told me it was wrong to trust my gut that J was real, but he was...

I've honestly dealt with slightly-eccentric-wealthy-interested-in-me men before... it's just the last one didn't want me badly enough to make it happen. I've dealt with it enough, to have a really good feel for sniffing out inconsistencies and details and bullshit. I know it seems fast and forward and weird, but I've dealt with people like him before (business and social) and he's acting consistantly with people who have spent 25 years working 100 hour weeks, retire early, and focus he same attention that they used in the business world, to their social life. I know that makes no sense; I know I sound like I've gone nuts.

Honestly, I had local only in my profile, because I don't want another long distance relationship. I am not opposed to relocating- I have nothing holding me to Dallas except it's where I grew up, and it's where my best friend lives. The divorce decree just says that I need to see the kids once a month- no limitations on where I live. My only issue with men outside of Dallas, is that it would mean an LDR, until relocation could be established, and I've spent enough time waiting for my Life to begin, thanks.

The whole thing is surreal.. and yes I recognize he's putting on a full court press here, which is flattering, but I'm familiar with powerful men pressing their agenda, and am still capable of seeing it and recognizing it for what it is- even through the flattery.

I know it sounds like I've lost my head, or am swirling about in some sort of sub-frenzy, or am being played for a fool by some internet stalker or something... I have children to think of- I am trusting, but not so trusting as to risk them no longer having a mother.

I'm just thinking...

No, you have not lost your head, just been presented with a temptation hard to resist. Believe me, I also had a good sniffer, and attracted more than a few who really had the means, were from high end business backgrounds, but bottom line is there is this little thing called chemistry. As much as it seemed right before hand, sometimes it was disappointing the chemistry wasn't there when face to face...and then there was the one who lied about his age and was humg up on getting plastic surgery to try and hold back the inevitable. As a rule though, I steered clear of anyone who told me almost straight away he had money and means as I knew he was not of the same mindset in terms of life's priorities as I was, and often was an indicator they used that to lure potentials in...neither was attractive to me.

I know submission is about submitting, but please be careful how much you submit without first taking the time to establish firm ground underneath your feet. Remember at this point you also have a choice in how things go, what limits you set etc., so his 'normal pace of life' should not be the deciding factor in how fast this moves forward, it should be how fast it is meant to move forward without possibly catching you in a difficult situation....giving too much now might be an indicator to him he can push you and get what he wants no matter what you say. You also have things which can be taken into consideration. He sounds good from what you say, but I would still go for at least one meeting on your territory, and be wary of thinking because he is willing there is no need and fly off to wherever he asks instead. Be careful...a lot of people like you.

Catalina

 

[Ebonyfire]

Like DVS, I only want you to be safe and happy.

I am always skeptical of anyone out of the country. I examine them even more finely than I do someone close by.

I would agree with all who said take things slowly. I have found this to be excellent advice because if the person is not genuine, it becomes harder to maintain a fake persona over time. The longer you communicate with him, the harder it will be for him to keep up a fake persona, if indeed that is what he is doing.

I have travelled outside the country to meet submissives (twice) and returned safely. However they were men I had been talking to for over a year. And we had spoken on the telephone also.

Go slowly, and follow your own instincts.

Good luck to you.

 

[Netzach]

I've also had the opportunity to play with some people of means. Under different pretext, mind you, but I've noticed that material means are usually slow to come out in conversation with the men I wanted to work with. I didn't have relationships per se or things at stake beyond losing some income and a friendly and respectful relationship, but it unclouded my eyes a bit. Attractive complexity seldom remains attractive once you get close to it.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

Well coming to you is best. But if not would not travel alone. I would insist on a friend going with you. There is safety in numbers. Have it so you control how much contact and where. I know sounds bad but never have your luggage unattented in his presence and have your passport and id locked in hotel safe before meeting. Since you know about checking in with friends won't go into rest. But hope my thoughts helped. We like that smile.

 

[CutieMouse]

Honest to god- money isn't at the top of the list as to why I'm even interested. Obviously there is money there, to be retired at a younger age, but I'm digging on his mind and wit- which isn't a guarantee of chemistry, but it's a nice start.

Add to that, that in terms of relationship structure, his views are almost exactly what I was envisioning, as I wrote my personals ad. I chose my words very carefully, with the hope that the right person would read them, see all the unspoken stuff between the lines, and think "I want ABCD in a relationship, I wonder if those are the things she wants too..." I didn't expect that to happen, and I'd never make a snap decision based off a few phonecalls, but it's surreal that it (so far) seems to have happened.

I've decided i need a dinner date before we make any serious decisions regarding visiting/spending signifigant time together...

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Honest to god- money isn't at the top of the list as to why I'm even interested. Obviously there is money there, to be retired at a younger age, but I'm digging on his mind and wit- which isn't a guarantee of chemistry, but it's a nice start.

For me, the idea that his money was what attracted you - or even a large part of the attraction - never arose. I've read your posts for the best part of the last three years, and never thought that anything other than a man who could engage your heart and your mind before your body would do for you...

Add to that, that in terms of relationship structure, his views are almost exactly what I was envisioning, as I wrote my personals ad. I chose my words very carefully, with the hope that the right person would read them, see all the unspoken stuff between the lines, and think "I want ABCD in a relationship, I wonder if those are the things she wants too..." I didn't expect that to happen, and I'd never make a snap decision based off a few phonecalls, but it's surreal that it (so far) seems to have happened.

That is a good start, that his responses seem to fit so well into what you projected as your major - and maybe even some minor - goals in a relationship. As far as making a snap decision, my opinion of your judgment is much higher than that - I've seen the careful thought you give to even just semi-serious discussions here, and can't see any possibility that you would try to build a relationship based on a couple of e-mails, a few IMs, and a few hours on the phone. It just wouldn't be you.

I've decided i need a dinner date before we make any serious decisions regarding visiting/spending signifigant time together...

LOL - when I read through this thread the first time, when there were only three or five responses, I thought, "Cutie is going to end up setting up a much more sensible first meeting than a flight down to the DR for a projected two-week stay at the house of a person she's never met in person. I'll wait a few hours to see what happens." Just call me Nostradamus

May whatever Power is in your life - God, Buddha, Yahweh, Allah, the Fates, whatever - keep you safe and happy, and bring to you all the good things you deserve... and they are many.

 

[callinectes]

Aww Cutie, we know you are sensible and won't make rash decisions. But you have to expect your friends to give conservative advice, it's just what they do.

Like SW, it never occurred to me that his money was a factor. You have far too much class for that. I hate using the word class, but it's all I can think of this late.

 

[neonflux]

Hi CutieMouse,

Beyond the safety aspects, which everyone has covered so well, I would suggest another reason for staying in a hotel if you go down there so quickly after meeting him - privacy and space. Even if you find that you like him and don't want to immediately get on a plane back to Dallas, you won't know much about him or how much you can truly stand to be with him. Even if you fall head over heels for him, you will be in a new place with him as your primary anchor - having your own space might give you the space you need to retain some objectivity.

Whatever you chose to do, good luck!

Neon

P.S., If he's willing to do an evening, what about a whole week in Dallas should you hit it off? I am a little concerned about his mentioning his wealth so quickly, if only because it suggests the possibility of a certain type of ego. That said, I also don't know how he could have done otherwise, since he made you the offer to visit him so quickly...

 

[graceanne]

I'm just thinking...

I don't think you should pass this up cause it sounds too good be true. I mean, what if he is your 'soul mate', and you missed out cause it was too good to be true? I just would hate for you to disappear. Another worry that comes to mind is yes, he says that you can stay in a locked room. How do you know that it's really locked, or that he doesn't have a key? And as for the hotel, so he says. I agree that you should have him stop off in Dallas on his way home.

 

[HottieMama]

Cutie...i'm worried about the extended stay at his home but i also know you are wicked smart and will make the right decision!!!!

 

[WriterDom]

-----

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Two words: Suzette Trouten - My friend. Who did all the right things, who had safe calls, who built a relationship over time, who investigated this "wonderful man" she met off the internet...

Three words: John Edward Robinson - The man who killed her. The man who said all the right things. The man who had references and ID's and a job waiting for her...

I'm not saying this fellow is anything at all like Robinson. He may be all that and a box of cookies. I'm just asking you to be very very careful, dear Cutie.

I lost one friend to someone who was too good to be true... I don't want to lose another.

Yes, you can Google both names and find the whole story...