not a troll, need advice

[Guest]

I've been lurking around the BB for a while now and feel awkward coming in as unregistered but need help...

The man I love with all my heart has proposed and under normal circumstances I wuld have said yes in a flash, but I have a terminal illness and don't think it's fair to accept. He knows all about it and is being a real rock but I don't think it is fair to put him thru that. I know it is up to him to decide, but while my heart is riding high on cloud 109 just because he asked, my head is saying woah up it wouldn't b right.

I'm waffling.... I'm scared, of losing him of loving him and of running out of time.

 

[Draco]

Accept and make the most of what ever time you have together.
Live everyday like its the last and never give up hope.
Be well and enjoy it.
Stay strong.

 

[BlazeofLife]

Accept, in his mind he's already committed himself to the whatever time that you have left, and he's the one who faces the prospect of losing you. How can you do any less? With love, you need to prepare for the future, but you can't live in it. You have to live in the present, and in the present, you have a man who loves you very much, and wants to spend a lifetime with you. What difference does it make how long that lifetime is to last? Accept.

Blaze

 

[StondTmplPilot]

Accept, in his mind he's already committed himself to the whatever time that you have left, and he's the one who faces the prospect of losing you. How can you do any less? With love, you need to prepare for the future, but you can't live in it. You have to live in the present, and in the present, you have a man who loves you very much, and wants to spend a lifetime with you. What difference does it make how long that lifetime is to last? Accept.

Blaze

It could not have been stated any better than that...well done Blaze

 

[BlazeofLife]

Thank you, Pilot.

Blaze

 

[SweetCherry]

You've been given a gift. Some people go their entire lives without finding one person who accepts them for what they are. Open up to it. Even if it's for a short time, you will both benefit from this. You will at least have his love there with you, and after you're gone, he'll always carry that bit of you in his heart and soul. We all face the thought of dying and leaving a partner behind someday. Obviously, it's not an issue to him. Don't let it be one to you. Take his hnd and enjoy.

Hugs and best wishes.

 

[BlazeofLife]

Well said, SweetCherry.

Blaze

 

[morninggirl5]

You've gotten a lot of good advice here. You know you may not have a lot of time left, so you both are going to truly live each day you have. Most of us don't know how long we'll have together, but we all know that at some point, one half of a couple will be gone. It's a reality we don't often deal with, but it's there. Perhaps if we did, there would be fewer regrets when a partner is gone unexpectedly.

 

[Tim1]

hmmmmm

Everyone above me has had wonderful posts. I can add nothing more except to say, Take his love and let it keep you warm when you need it. Accept his ability to give to you whatever time is left. He sounds like very loving person. If you love him, let him be the part of your life he has asked to.

Good luck

 

[Starfish]

Cliche as it is.... It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.


And what about you? You have needs. You have feelings. You deserve to spend your days... Happy. Do it. Make yourself and your lover happy.

He wants you. All of you. Sickness included. These folks are giving you the best advice. Accept, or you may regret it.

 

[KillerMuffin]

He's going to go through it whether you're married or not. Marriage gives him a lot of rights that he ordinarily wouldn't have. Things like the rights immediately family has in hospital visiting situations. Power to decide things when you can't that you would rather have him decide.

Bottomline, he's already married to you in his heart, right? Making it legal gives him some power in a situation where he feels completely helpless.

 

[alexandraaah]

Your illness will still exist whether or not you marry him.
So will his love for you and yours for him.
Don't let some stubborn illness make your decision.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I've been lurking around the BB for a while now and feel awkward coming in as unregistered but need help...

The man I love with all my heart has proposed and under normal circumstances I wuld have said yes in a flash, but I have a terminal illness and don't think it's fair to accept. He knows all about it and is being a real rock but I don't think it is fair to put him thru that. I know it is up to him to decide, but while my heart is riding high on cloud 109 just because he asked, my head is saying woah up it wouldn't b right.

I'm waffling.... I'm scared, of losing him of loving him and of running out of time.

Two questions: these are for you to ask yourself.

1. What will you lose if you say no?

2. What will you gain if you say yes?

We are all terminal, and if we choose to love during the time we have, is that a bad thing?

Good luck & good wishes to you!

Ebony

 

[Sorsha]

hmm i dont know if you really need to get married to enjoy the time you have left together....just my oppinion.

 

[SINthysist]

Well obviously, you will not be a long time member.

Why put someone through that. This ain't love story its life. How do you know if the motives are pure, or pure pity...

A relationship founded in pity is no relationship at all.


















What. Did you expect only pro-comments?

 

[SweetBrat73]

Re: Well obviously, you will not be a long time member.

[/B]What. Did you expect only pro-comments? [/B]

Maybe a little tact and sensitivity(sp?).




If you would have normally said yes...say yes now. Good luck to you and I wish you all the happiness in the world!!!


Brat

 

[SilverVeil]

We will all die sometime. You could die tomorrow if you get hit by a bus. Take whatever time you have left and live life to it's fullest. If you love this man and you WANT to be married to him whether you were ill or not, then do what makes you happy.

If he is prepared for the inevitable (sp?) then he is an adult and is willing to be beside you when the times get tough.

But if you are hesitating for any other reason than illness, then make sure this is what you want. Taking care of someone who is dying is emotionally and financially draining for the people who love them and are there to take care of them.

A harsh fact to face is that if single you may qualify for care benefits that you would not qualify for as a married person. Do you have children ? If so, is this man the person you want to take care of them when you are gone ? How long have you known him ? Is he the person you want to have control of your things after you are gone ? Make sure you have an ironclad will made out before anything happens to you.

By becoming your husband, he becomes your next of kin automatically. Meaning if anything happens that you can not make decisions for yourself, he will be the one doctors will talk to first. And your family will be in for a court battle if they do not agree with what he decides. And sometimes there is not time for a court decision to be made.

Think things through very carefully. If you have any doubt, then instead of getting married, you might want to just live together.

I hope I did not rain on your parade. But hasty decisions are sometimes regretted later. No matter what you decide, my wishes are the best for you and I will remember you in my prayers.

 

[SweetBrat73]

By becoming your husband, he becomes your next of kin automatically. Meaning if anything happens that you can not make decisions for yourself, he will be the one doctors will talk to first. And your family will be in for a court battle if they do not agree with what he decides. And sometimes there is not time for a court decision to be made.

The way to fix that is to make a living will. Talk to your doctor about it. That way your wishes will be followed and what your family thinks or your husband thinks won't make a difference. It's up to you.


Brat

 

[SINthysist]

Yes. If you love someone

Don't stick them with your bills.

If you love someone, if you love someone
Set them free. Free, free, set them free...



















Tact is reserved for board members in good standing.























.

 

[SweetBrat73]

Re: Yes. If you love someone

Tact is reserved for board members in good standing.

LoL and your not in good standing???


Brat

 

[Guest]

The best advice so far is from Killer and Ebonyfire.

We are all born with a terminal illness, it's called life.

 

[hatara]

No One Lives Forever

Look at your time together as a gift and go with what your heart tells you. Forget about the illness and everything else. Look at your lover and ask yourself if you love him and do you want to be with him. If the answer is yes then marry him.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Enjoy the time you have together.....

 

[BlazeofLife]

Be happy, and celebrate each other. How long you have to do so shouldn't matter.

Blaze

 

[Vivacia]

Re: Well obviously, you will not be a long time member.

Why put someone through that. This ain't love story its life. How do you know if the motives are pure, or pure pity...

A relationship founded in pity is no relationship at all.





I'm sorry that I have to say it but I feel that was more than just a little heartless Syn... I mean, if it was you in that position and you wanted our advice it would hardly be the response you would want! I appreciate what you were getting at but I agree with the rest of the board - if she would be happy she should go for it, life is too short for us ALL not just those that are ill and we ALL deserve to be happy!

So as my dad would say if you have nothing nice to say maybe it would be better to say nothing at all... maybe something to think on!












What. Did you expect only pro-comments?