Nominated for Oblivion

[AlinaX]

Was it on or off?

 

[Lori_the_Hoosier]

.....

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Somebody was trying to make a lamp? They knew those things are made of glass, right?

 

[SimonDoom]

Was it on or off?

And what did he use to plug himself into the wall?

 

[yowser]

I like GroverLang's idea of a Cliche Contest, but how would it get scored?

Total number of cliches?

A high CPS (Cliche per Sentence) Index?

Most imaginative use of cliches?

Competition would be fierce...

 

[GroverLang]

Was it on or off?

You shouldn’t make light of a serious situation and, before you ask, I don’t know if it was a double pin or a screw fitting.

 

[GroverLang]

Somebody was trying to make a lamp? They knew those things are made of glass, right?

Perhaps they were Blondie fans and thought Debbie Harry was singing about “arse of glass.”

 

[GroverLang]

I like GroverLang's idea of a Cliche Contest, but how would it get scored?

Total number of cliches?

A high CPS (Cliche per Sentence) Index?

Most imaginative use of cliches?

Competition would be fierce...

Just run it as usual. The difficulty would be keeping it under 2000 words and making sure the readers understand the thinking behind the stories.

 

[ChloeTzang]

My daughter has told me of the various items they have had to remove from men’s anuses when they’ve ended up in her operating theatre. The best one was a light bulb. Who the hell decides a light bulb stuck up their arse is going to be stimulating?

Mobile on vibrate (slipped in shower)
Vacuum cleaner pipe (lubricated, did not attempt to explain)
Small flashlight up butt (went in okay, went to far, patient could not remove)
Pieces of LEGO (seems like the patient made something, inserted it, it disintegrated, he panicked and came to ER)
That’s personal experience. There are far far weirder objects found.

 

[Ginlover]

CPS multiplied by reader vote with 2 judges counting the CPS and taking their average

OMG did I just break a lit unspoken rule by saying average?

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Mobile on vibrate (slipped in shower)
Vacuum cleaner pipe (lubricated, did not attempt to explain)
Small flashlight up butt (went in okay, went to far, patient could not remove)
Pieces of LEGO (seems like the patient made something, inserted it, it disintegrated, he panicked and came to ER)
That’s personal experience. There are far far weirder objects found.

That's probably the best approach when one goes to the ER with something weird stuck in their derriere.

I have a friend who told me the "slipped and fell" explanation is applied to all sorts of objects that find their way into people's butts. I think the funniest to me was a pearl necklace. How does one fall on a pearl necklace is such a way that it ends up lodged in one's rectum? It's even more perplexing than the mobile phone. These people have backsides that apparently vacuum up every object that gets near them.

Don't they know they can just order something made for the purpose online? They needn't even darken the door of their local sex shop. Why must they DIY with legos?

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I know three guys who have ended up in A&E with objects stuck up their backsides. Two were living with controlling parents at the time who would have opened any packages, and sex shops weren't available either.

The other had been sensible and was using a glass plug sold for the purpose, only the flange turned out not to be big enough and got sucked in. Being glass,the medics couldn't just stab it, either. They did manage to tie a suture round the neck and pull it out, rather than require surgery, thankfully.

 

[AnnieLit]

Don't they know they can just order something made for the purpose online? They needn't even darken the door of their local sex shop. Why must they DIY with legos?

I can think of quite a few scenarios when ordering online is not an option:
-- married and has joint credit card accounts that spouse checks regularly (Not necessarily a control thing, might be checking for signs of fraud and a purchase at an unfamiliar store would be one.)
-- lives with spouse/kids/parents that are more likely than not to open any packages. (Again, might have nothing to do with control, just a side effect of having Amazon Prime -- of course there is only one account for the household, so everybody order from the same account.)
-- needed to satisfy that itch right NOW.
-- saw something on pornhub and decided to try it out (lightbulb is a likely candidate for this.)
-- short on cash
-- does not like spending money on something that may or may not work.
-- in general likes DIY idea better.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

I can think of quite a few scenarios when ordering online is not an option:
-- married and has joint credit card accounts that spouse checks regularly (Not necessarily a control thing, might be checking for signs of fraud and a purchase at an unfamiliar store would be one.)
-- lives with spouse/kids/parents that are more likely than not to open any packages. (Again, might have nothing to do with control, just a side effect of having Amazon Prime -- of course there is only one account for the household, so everybody order from the same account.)
-- needed to satisfy that itch right NOW.
-- saw something on pornhub and decided to try it out (lightbulb is a likely candidate for this.)
-- short on cash
-- does not like spending money on something that may or may not work.
-- in general likes DIY idea better.

Every dumb thing I've done in my life was done for a reason, and for the most part, I had the right to make those dumb decisions. People have a right to put light bulbs in their backsides. They have reasons for doing so, else they wouldn't do it. Seeing something on pornhub is a reason. I don't think it's a terribly good reason, but a person has a right to do it.

The comment was meant to be humorous. There's no moral judgement here, but I'm not prepared to go so far as to accept something as rational just because there is a motivation for it. People are under no obligation to make rational decisions as long as they aren't hurting anyone else. Having to get Legos dug out of one's behind isn't a moral failing.

Still, to anyone considering getting creative, I would urge consideration of (1) how to do so safely (i.e., nothing that will break into shards of glass), (2) the financial risk of DIY, and (3) putting that improvisational creativity to work on how to obtain an actual sex toy. ($15 on a gift card?)

 

[SimonDoom]

Why must they DIY with legos?

Familiarity.

Order something online, and you'll be getting something you may well never have seen before.

But legos? Everybody knows legos.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Familiarity.

Order something online, and you'll be getting something you may well never have seen before.

But legos? Everybody knows legos.

I hope to someday look at them the same way again.

 

[NotWise]

Familiarity.

Order something online, and you'll be getting something you may well never have seen before.

But legos? Everybody knows legos.

Do Legos feel any better stuck in your butt than they do when you step on them? Wait, I really don't want to know that enough to find out.

 

[SimonDoom]

Do Legos feel any better stuck in your butt than they do when you step on them? Wait, I really don't want to know that enough to find out.

I take it they are easier to remove. But I'm not going to find out, either.

 

[Ginlover]

So we've gone from a cliche story to a Lego lightbulb story....

 

[LexxRuthless]

Just managed to work "cum dumpster" into my latest Romance story. Thanks a lot guys.

 

[AlinaX]

Is there a Lego fetish set?

 

[AnnieLit]

Is there a Lego fetish set?

Of course there is:
https://i.etsystatic.com/19094545/r/il/e301f0/2209463085/il_794xN.2209463085_6qyt.jpg

 

[LexxRuthless]

Of course there is:
https://i.etsystatic.com/19094545/r/il/e301f0/2209463085/il_794xN.2209463085_6qyt.jpg

Loooool!

 

[AlinaX]

Awesome. I hope there isn't a Lego cum dumpster.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Of course there is:

That's hysterical. Somebody spent a lot of time on that. It's kind of cute.