No underwear allowed in church

[sunandshadow]

Apologies if someone linked this already. It's a real news story that has "Improbable porn premise" written all over it.
http://washington.cbslocal.com/2014/03/03/kenyan-church-pastor-bans-female-parishioners-from-wearing-underwear-bras/

 

[sr71plt]

"receiving the spirit of Jesus Christ" is certainly one way of putting it.

 

[DeeZire]

Finally! A church doctrine I can believe in.

 

[Hypoxia]

NAIROBI, Kenya (CBSDC/AP) - A local pastor has ordered all women who attend service at Lord’s Propeller Redemption Church to refrain from wearing undergarments while attending so that they can more easily receive the spirit of Jesus Christ.

The Kenyan Daily Post is reporting that a pastor identified only as “Reverend Njohi” claimed bras and underwear are not godly. Additionally, the paper says Njohi wants women who attend service at the church to be “free,” and that there would be consequences for those who do not comply.

According to the UK Metro, most women did, in fact, show up at the church, located in the eastern suburb of Dandora, the following Sunday without any undergarments on under their clothing.

Lord's Propeller Church. Hot damn.

 

[Privates1stClass]

So who checks to insure the ladies aren't wearing underwear--the pastor? Seems to me there might be a spike in church attendance if they enforced those rules in the US.

Hallelujah, let us before the Lord prostrate fall.

 

[sr71plt]

So who checks to insure the ladies aren't wearing underwear--the pastor? Seems to me there might be a spike in church attendance if they enforced those rules in the US.

Hallelujah, let us before the Lord prostrate fall.

I wouldn't be surprised if somebody didn't get spiked in the process.

 

[patientlee]

Obvious god needs all the help he can get.

 

[Hypoxia]

Obvious god needs all the help he can get.

1) 'God' is a job title, not a proper name.
2) {JHWH} needs a lot of help, or at least his followers do.
3) In the Church of the Naked Jesus Christ, nobody wears clothes. Hallelujah!
4) It's time for some more 'begats' now. Get going!
5) Never piss off the Goddess.

 

[DeeZire]

For anyone interested in such things, my story "Baptism" covers similar ground, or perhaps I should say uncovers similar ground. I'm surprised there aren't more LIT stories of this nature.

I remember a news item from a few years ago. Some whacked out cult preacher in rural Tennessee (?) or maybe it was Texas, required all the females living on his compound to disrobe for him at various times. Apparently it was God's will.

 

[Doopey]

Can I still wear my underwear in the shower when I get ready for church? Or do I need to wash them another day?

 

[patientlee]

1) 'God' is a job title, not a proper name.
2) {JHWH} needs a lot of help, or at least his followers do.
3) In the Church of the Naked Jesus Christ, nobody wears clothes. Hallelujah!
4) It's time for some more 'begats' now. Get going!
5) Never piss off the Goddess.

6) Atheism is easier. We don't sin. We live.

 

[Doopey]

5) Never piss off the Goddess.

Does she have a fetish about being pissed on?

 

[slyc_willie]

I'd go to church if we had this practice around here.

Well, maybe. There are some people I'd rather not think about going commando.

 

[49greg]

Reminds me of two stories I've heard in years past.

A former girlfriend told me about her roommate who worked as a waitress, the manager made all the waitresses wear white cotton panties and did a 'lift the skirt and show me' inspection when each came on shift.

He was just a perv.

Decades ago when I lived in Texas there was a news report about a car full of people from some cult church in a different state that was involved in an accident or broke down or something as they passed through TX. All the people in the car, male and female were completely naked and had no clothes.

Seems the leader of the cult told them to get in the car and drive to ... wherever, and then along the way he then told them that the lord needed them to be naked, and they tossed their clothes.

Be naked for the Lord!!!

Well, y'all be naked, especially all y'all who are female. Me and the rest of the guys will stay clothed in public. Really, the lord told me, in my dreams.

 

[Hypoxia]

6) Atheism is easier. We don't sin. We live.

Then there was the dyslexic atheist who didn't believe in dogs.

 

[patientlee]

Then there was the dyslexic atheist who didn't believe in dogs.

Yeah. I don't either.

(They scare the bejesus out of me.)

 

[Blind_Justice]

People have done all kinds of crazy shit because they thought some supernatural entity told them to. Oracle of Delphi? Just a chick getting high on only the gods knew, telling people to slaughter their own daughter for a bit of wind. Crusades? Witch trials? The Westboro baptists? Jihads? The crap hits the fan once humans assume to speak on behalf of the divine.

So, on a scale of 1 to suicide bombs, I find this pretty harmless. I'm more concerned about the believers who accept these commandments without raising an eyebrow. And you can't tell me this only happens in less developed regions. Without guilible believers, the whole TV preacher industry wouldn't work, and last time I checked, that was a very American thing...

 

[Hypoxia]

Any other USENET vets here? Anyone remember the Church of the Barfing-Yak? Now THAT was a RELIGION!

Meanwhile, we must deal with these Judeo-Xian-Muslim nuts whose faith is based on messages channeled from at least one ET-alien entity claiming to be divine. Why do their invisible friends tell them this crap? If your invisible friend(s) told you to kill your kids, or rape a goat, or run naked into a blazing fire, would you?

I prefer deities that I carve myself, whittled from twigs and scraps. I can pretend they talk. If I don't like what they're saying, I can toss them into the campfire. So far, they haven't told me to do anything TOO stupid. Yet.

 

[StrangeLife]

Be naked for the Lord!!!

I don't know how I feel about that. It could get pretty bad...

http://images.icnetwork.co.uk/upl/liverpoolecho/mar2012/9/0/naked-calendar-st-nicholas-image-1-677587773.jpg

 

[Blind_Justice]

Stupid question: When does it stop being the ranting of a lunatic and when does it start becoming a religion? Just asking... maybe I should grow a real beard and start spewing nonsense. Last I heard, gurus can make a real killing if their schtick catches on...

 

[Hypoxia]

Stupid question: When does it stop being the ranting of a lunatic and when does it start becoming a religion? Just asking... maybe I should grow a real beard and start spewing nonsense. Last I heard, gurus can make a real killing if their schtick catches on...

A religion is a cult with lawyers.

And yes, gurus and prophets can gain awesome rewards: sex, money, sex, power, sex, political influence -- and did I mention sex?

 

[TxRad]

A religion is a cult with lawyers.

And yes, gurus and prophets can gain awesome rewards: sex, money, sex, power, sex, political influence -- and did I mention sex?

Blind gurus and prophets use the braille system, right?

 

[Blind_Justice]

Blind gurus and prophets use the braille system, right?

Only if we assume they come from a less developed region. Dare I say "third-world-country"? The modern laptop is the favourite weapon in a blind person's arsenal. Communication via E-Mail or voice chat, reading books (either the e-, audio-, or printed variety, using a scanner and OCR software) or even playing audio games... who needs braille anymore? Because let's face it: Braille works only when blind people are dealing with each other. Or do you guys know anyone who is sighted, can read braille and isn't a teacher for visually impaired people? On that note: My wife and I are slowly freaking out, because most vending machines, especially ATMs or for train tickets, are only of the touchscreen variety. Very useful when you can't see the spots you're supposed to tap on.

But I get the joke

 

[TxRad]

Only if we assume they come from a less developed region. Dare I say "third-world-country"? The modern laptop is the favourite weapon in a blind person's arsenal. Communication via E-Mail or voice chat, reading books (either the e-, audio-, or printed variety, using a scanner and OCR software) or even playing audio games... who needs braille anymore? Because let's face it: Braille works only when blind people are dealing with each other. Or do you guys know anyone who is sighted, can read braille and isn't a teacher for visually impaired people? On that note: My wife and I are slowly freaking out, because most vending machines, especially ATMs or for train tickets, are only of the touchscreen variety. Very useful when you can't see the spots you're supposed to tap on.

But I get the joke

Read my story Blindman's Bluff. It might give you some insight (no pun intended) into what i know about being blind. I was legally so for a short period of time.

 

[DeeZire]

Searching for the creepy minister making women undress for him at his compound, I'm coming up empty, but I did find this:

Bob Jones "was removed from the Vineyard Anaheim because of sexual improprieties, which consisted of encouraging women to undress in his office so they could stand 'naked before the Lord' in order to receive a 'word.'"

Bob Jones was a high ranking dude in the "Kansas City Prophets" if anyone wants to pursue the story. Here's another blurb:

The article stated that Bob "admitted touching and fondling two women... The indiscretions stopped short of intercourse but 'went way beyond what a Christian should do.'

My question is, if Bob Jones went "way beyond what a Christian should do", where is the line drawn? Ogling? Disrobing but keeping the underwear on? Touching but avoiding any moist orifices? Is nipple play okay?