No internal orgasms, Please Help!

[tiawild]

My husband and I have a problem. We've been together for 5 years, and engaging in intercourse for the last 4 (we actually held out for a year when we first started dating!). Our problem is I am not able to reach Internal Orgasm.

We're both good-sized folks, slightly above the "advised" bodyweight, so stimulating myself when engaging in missionary intercourse is an impossibility. Consequently I only orgasm when we engage other activities, whether it be oral, digital, or a peculiar position where I actually stimulate myself using his thigh (which I've never been able to find a name for). It is very dissapointing for us both. He feels bad because he cannot pleasure me with sex, and I feel bad because I know the problem has nothing to do with his performance.

As near as I can tell I have not been blessed with a G spot, as I have never in my many years of experimentation been able to find it with fingers, toys, or my husband's 6.5 inches.

Sometimes on rare occasions, when I am using a toy on myself, I feel like I am very close to Orgasm, but I just cannot seem to get there without clitoral stimulation.

We've tried different positions, but neither of us are contortionists and most of them just wind up being uncomfortable.

Any suggestions??

 

[dambim]

my wife spray water to her clitoris before i have sex and result is my wife always has orgasm before i do, longer foreplay is also good for making you orgasm

 

[Mr.G]

First Off ...

Your "problem" is hardly uncommon. I posted a study on my TRY THIS thread many pages back. A large study done in the UK suggested that less than 17% of women do orgasm from intercourse on a regular basis. In other words MOST women do NOT and can NOT orgasm just through regular sex.

Body size shouldn't be a problem especially if you aren't morbidly obese. Slightly over is average it seems these days.

I would be concerned with vaginal muscle tone. DO you do your Kegels? Have you had kids (given birth)? No muscle tone means you are going to have problems orgasming because orgasms are a series of muscle contractions. No muscle tone and the contractions just aren't gonna be there.

Many women have difficulty discovering their GSpots or ASpots. Have you read the TRY THIS thread? It is NOT simply a matter of finding the GSpot. It is a matter of stimulating it PROPERLY TO activate it. The GSpot MAY not work for you. If you're young the vaginal wall thickness can prove resistant to quite vigorous prodding.

The other problem with G stimulation especially when trying to discover it is that it is nearly impossible to hit or poke with the correct amount of pressure with an erection. Just ain't gonna happen.

I would suggest continued FUN exploration of each other's bodies. Read the TRY THIS thread. It may work for you. Do what feels good. Do more of what feels good. Try different positions during intercourse so you can introduce a finger or vibrator. DON'T put a lot of pressure on yourselves to "perform" - orgasm internally. Good sex is a series of explorations and practice, variation and experimentation.

My husband and I have a problem. We've been together for 5 years, and engaging in intercourse for the last 4 (we actually held out for a year when we first started dating!). Our problem is I am not able to reach Internal Orgasm.

We're both good-sized folks, slightly above the "advised" bodyweight, so stimulating myself when engaging in missionary intercourse is an impossibility. Consequently I only orgasm when we engage other activities, whether it be oral, digital, or a peculiar position where I actually stimulate myself using his thigh (which I've never been able to find a name for). It is very dissapointing for us both. He feels bad because he cannot pleasure me with sex, and I feel bad because I know the problem has nothing to do with his performance.

As near as I can tell I have not been blessed with a G spot, as I have never in my many years of experimentation been able to find it with fingers, toys, or my husband's 6.5 inches.

Sometimes on rare occasions, when I am using a toy on myself, I feel like I am very close to Orgasm, but I just cannot seem to get there without clitoral stimulation.

We've tried different positions, but neither of us are contortionists and most of them just wind up being uncomfortable.

 

[SweetErika]

He feels bad because he cannot pleasure me with sex, and I feel bad because I know the problem has nothing to do with his performance.

Really? He doesn't think you get any pleasure from sex? Do you enjoy it, and if so, have you told him you do?

Perhaps one of the big things you can work on is not being disappointed about being just like the vast, vast majority of women. Focus on how grateful you are for the orgasms you do have, not having an incredible amount of difficulty reaching orgasm *any* way and how much pleasure you both get out of being intimate, stimulating each other, having intercourse, etc.

As near as I can tell I have not been blessed with a G spot, as I have never in my many years of experimentation been able to find it with fingers, toys, or my husband's 6.5 inches.

Maybe you'll find it, maybe you won't. Perhaps if you don't have a sensitive g-spot, you have other spots you find really stimulating, alone or in combination with other types of stimulation.

Having fun exploring and working with what you do have are key to great sex and immense pleasure.

Sometimes on rare occasions, when I am using a toy on myself, I feel like I am very close to Orgasm, but I just cannot seem to get there without clitoral stimulation.

That's normal, too.

Maybe it's a sign you'll get there someday, though. We change over time, and it's not unusual to get over the edge after only being able to get close for years. Just relax and see if it happens; if it doesn't, at least you had fun trying and learned more about yourself!

 

[Tyr51]

Hey.... I can't reach orgasm through penetration either. Honestly, it's common.

I had to have a heart to heart with my husband on this subject. I love sex with him. I love it when he is in me! I love how he feels inside of me, and how close we are. How could we be any closer than him actually being *inside* of me!! I love how he feels as he gets harder. I love watching his face and hearing his breathing change as he gets ready to cum. I love wrapping my arms and legs around him when he lets go and surrenders to the pleasure he gets from being a part of me.

I LOVE having sex with him!!!
It doesn't make me cum.

Who cares?! Really!

I'll get my orgasm at some other time. Or four. I'm not doing without. But there is a good understanding here. I don't have to have an orgasm in order to enjoy sex. Because I don't need one, he can relax and enjoy sex, which makes me relax and enjoy sex.

For orgasm, hey... it sounds like you likely have a method down. Persue that, my friend. And enjoy intercourse for what it gives you on its own terms.

Best wishes.

 

[lk70]

I have to echo what everyone else has said. I can't orgasm from penetration alone either but that doesn't stop me from REALLY loving when he's inside me. Everything Tyr5 said about that is right on the money.

As for the G spot, well, until very very recently I'd never figured that out either (and that's after 20 years of sexual activity). Maybe something changed physically in me, or maybe I just got lucky. You never know when it might happen for you.

Really, the most important thing is to do what feels good and just stop pressuring yourself to orgasm. It always ruins it.

 

[Pinkneonsocks]

Having an orgasm from penetration isn't something that's frequent for me, but I have/can do it.

What concerns me at this point is that it's become more of a mental thing now which has only made it more difficult. Especially, if you're getting close when you've used toys.

I would suggest continue to try with toys. let him explore and penetrate with his fingers so he can find the Gspot himself.

 

[tiawild]

Thank you so much to everyone for their prompt replies!

I was under the impression that this was not an uncommon problem, and from a purely selfish standpoint, lol, it's good to hear I'm not the only one.

It isn't that I'm not wildly crazy about sex. Like what Tyr51 said, I love the daylights out of it, and it's enjoyable, even pleasurable, but there's no release. I've told him this many times, but I just don't think he understands.

The hardest part about the whole this is that my Husband has always had self-esteem issues, and he feels like it is some failing on his part. I'm definitely going to have to have him read your replies when he gets home from work. Maybe if he sees that other women feel exactly the same way I do, he won't keep beating himself up about it.

Thank you all again for the helpful ideas! I'll definitely give the TECHNIQUE a try!

 

[HoHoBomb]

what is that saying about it being about the journey and not the destination

 

[Shadowann2]

The last study i read on the subject says that somewhere between 85%-90% of women are incapable of orgasming just from sex, and that an even higher percent can only do it occasionally.

I have had an orgasm from sex only a handful of times, and I've been having regualr sex for 15 years! On the few times it has happend, it's usually because I was close already from other stimulation when we started having sex.

My fiance had a hard time accepting that I don't orgasm from sex. He, like your husband, sees it as a failing on his part. I just make it a point to assure him I enjoyed the sex every time we do it, even thought I didn't have an orgasm. He is slowly adjusting to the fact that I love sex but just don't orgasm.

He says he's been with 15 girls before me and they all orgasmed almost every time from sex. I told him, either he was really really lucky in the partners he picked, or he was lied to! I'm inclined to think the latter, rather than the former!

 

[lk70]

He says he's been with 15 girls before me and they all orgasmed almost every time from sex. I told him, either he was really really lucky in the partners he picked, or he was lied to! I'm inclined to think the latter, rather than the former!

Well let's face it. Sometimes it's just easier to fake it then spend all damn night soothing their egos. I am blessed to FINALLY have someone who understands the process and doesn't hang his hat on the results - much

 

[pinkflames]

Well let's face it. Sometimes it's just easier to fake it then spend all damn night soothing their egos. I am blessed to FINALLY have someone who understands the process and doesn't hang his hat on the results - much

Stuff their egos!!

Seriously though, I've been having sex for around 25 years and have only been able to occasionally orgasm from penetration within the last 2 or 3. It's never bothered me to masturbate myself just after intercourse while my partner holds me and caresses me. It's also never bothered my partners either. If anything it turns them on to watch. Even if I have 20 orgasms during sex, I still like to finish off this way otherwise I don't feel like sex is completed.