Nice guy = ??

[ExLimey]

Too many people have called me a nice guy lately. It may be true but is sure as hell isn't getting me anywhere!

Women of Lit, what is it about the guy that treats you like dirt or doesn't put you first at anything, that keeps you going back for more? I've never been able to figure this out. I cook, clean, run a house, I've managed to keep a dog alive for six years (he has behavior issues, but who doesn't), I'm employed, have manners, am sensitive... Why is it the guy who ignores you, treats you like crap, always says you do nothing for him (when in actuality you do a lot more than you should) gets to keep you?

Just venting, ignore me.

 

[lovetoread]

Just venting, ignore me.

Ignore you? Can I adopt you???

Thats the bad side of getting involved with a married person. If you are this involved, step back and ask her what she wants. If she decides to stay in such a relationship,then find you a better person.

 

[xzchief]

Too many people have called me a nice guy lately. It may be true but is sure as hell isn't getting me anywhere!

Just venting, ignore me.

Sorry, man. I wonder how many women have called you a friend or said they loved you like a brother. Hillbilly jokes aside, that's not a scenario you want if you're romantically interested in a woman.

I've been in your shoes. I was told that I was trying too hard. Sex is like credit; those who need it most can't get it. When I stopped trying so much and just started being myself, it got easily to attract women.

There are a lot of women who like the proverbial bad boy but many of them eventually gravitate toward the "nice guy" after tiring of the bad boy's negative traits. Stay with it. With Viagra on the market--and Tony Randall as a role model--you can have kids at 80. There's no hurry to settle down.

Good luck.

 

[Problem Child]

Limey, you're confusing venting with whining. Women generally don't like whiners.

 

[HARDKOREBJ]

way to go pc.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Too many people have called me a nice guy lately. It may be true but is sure as hell isn't getting me anywhere!

Women of Lit, what is it about the guy that treats you like dirt or doesn't put you first at anything, that keeps you going back for more?

There have been other threads on this, but I still can't figure it out. I've had people tell me I was a real nice guy, but how many of them wanted to get involved? Not many.

I have my asshole side to when I want to be, but for the most part I try not to be that way. When I do it I am called a misogynist by some, even though it is humor - when PC does it, they worship at his feet. Maybe it is because he does it better, maybe because he does it all the time - I don't know.

My take on it - fuck it, just be yourself, and while women can call men shallow for wanting an attractive woman, they will turn around and do just the same thing - what attracts them is just slightly different, but just as shallow.

Eventually someone will come along and like you for who you are, not some facade of being a "bad boy" on the internet. Meanwhile those who pair with the bad boys will go from man to man wondering why they are never happy.

 

[Debbie]

quote:
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Originally posted by ExLimey
Too many people have called me a nice guy lately. It may be true but is sure as hell isn't getting me anywhere!

Women of Lit, what is it about the guy that treats you like dirt or doesn't put you first at anything, that keeps you going back for more?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My first marriage was like this. I was young, naiive and not at all worldly wise. I thought he loved me. I was wrong, instead he wanted to own me, control me and abuse me. It was not love. He thought possesion was 9/ 10ths of the law.
I stayed for 6 years being beaten and emotionally abused. I thought I deserved to be treated this way. I had no self esteem. I had two kids to him and protected them from their fathers anger. When my youngest was born I looked into his eyes and knew that I would have to live with myself if they grew up in that environment and repeated the violent cycle with their own families.
I managed to get out and it was damn scary. He stalked me (we don't have stalking laws) and tried to make my life miserable. i used the court system and things got better but got worse when 2 years later I started dating a nice guy.
He brought me flowers, said kind things and was patient and understanding if I flinched when he moved too quickly. He stood by me and encouraged me. My ex eventually backed off when he saw new b/f was not going anywhere.
Five years later we are married and he is still a nice guy. I love him for that and know I do deserve to be loved.
I accept that I did not do anything to provoke the violence but I also have come to understand that I stayed and I made a choice to put up with what was going on. I didn't leave the first time he hit me. I forgave him, I wanted to be able to fix him because I thought I loved him and it was the right thing to do.

All I can say is be who you are. There is nothing wrong with a nice guy at all. In fact they make the best partners.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

quote:
All I can say is be who you are. There is nothing wrong with a nice guy at all. In fact they make the best partners.

That little bit Debs just said and. If people can't except you for the person you are, they were not meant to be. Women do hunger for guys that wash dishes and keep their pets alive

 

[Marxist]

Limey, most women don't know what they want and neither do you if you're chasing them.

You think you're a nice guy. Who cares? Women use nice like men use easy.

What if a woman started a thread complaining about how men don't love her but just want to use her for her body. We'd all say quit being easy.

My two cents: quit being nice (also known as soft, effeminate, demure,...) and be a real man. Stand up for something and don't take any shit off a girl who wants your good stuff (charming personality, money, dinner, companionship) without giving up some of her good stuff (you can take that however you want to).

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

My two cents: quit being nice (also known as soft, effeminate, demure,...) and be a real man. Stand up for something and don't take any shit off a girl who wants your good stuff (charming personality, money, dinner, companionship) without giving up some of her good stuff (you can take that however you want to).

I broke my own rule and sneaked a peak at your otherwise ignored thread - and I am glad I did.

Being "nice" doesn't mean being soft, effeminate or demure, and being nice doesn't mean you aren't a real man. Being nice doesn't mean taking shit off anybody.

Being nice means treating people like you want to be treated, usually with consideration and kindness (although it seems obvious you are looking for something else), sharing the load, and not refusing to do something because you have the mistaken idea that it isn't "manly".

If some woman wants a "bad boy" who can't be truly nice, then she gets what she deserves. If she wants a nice guy, and she can be nice in return, maybe she should seek out a nice guy.

We are all somewhere on that spectrum between a nice guy and a bad boy, but I am not going to change who I am just because some people don't want me. I like who I am and if they think being nice isn't "manly", then they are fucked in the head and I don't want anything to do with them anyway.

 

[Marxist]

STG-- Once again you missed the point but since you're not reading this anyway:

orginally posted by STG---There have been other threads on this, but I still can't figure it out. I've had people tell me I was a real nice guy, but how many of them wanted to get involved? Not many.

There's an implied contract when people get together. A give and a take. If you give, believing that makes the other person indebted you're probably in for some heartache. You might have thought you were being "nice" but the girl thinks you're a loser and owes you nothing. But if you both give and both take you're in real relationship. Can I make it any fucking clearer STG?

Just being nice entitles you to a birthday card and a pat on the back. It's expected of most human beings. It does not mean you get rewarded with pussy or love.

And yes the kind of "nice" I was speaking of does make one soft, demure, and not valuable (as a mate) in most women's eyes. If you want to be their gay best friend however, I'm sure you'll have a smashing time.

 

[Cornfed]

STG-- Once again you missed the point but since you're not reading this anyway:

Excuse me if I use this persona while I am logged in as Cornfed, I am too lazy to log out right now.

I did get your point - I just didn't agree with it. You said being nice meant being demure, effiminate, etc. - no one here has said they were being or doing anything of the kind. Maybe you consider cooking, cleaning, etc. "demure and effimnate", but most of us bachelors call it not being a slob. Your opinion of manly might differ, but I wouldn't want you as a roomate if that is the case.

There's an implied contract when people get together. A give and a take. If you give, believing that makes the other person indebted you're probably in for some heartache.

You made the assumption that this was the case when we are talking about being "nice" - I see no post by anyone else here that says anything or even hints about giving with the intention of incurring an obligation. You just assume that is what we are talking about when we talk about being considerate.

It seems to me that you have a very warped sense of the world; that being nice means letting people walk all over you.

You might have thought you were being "nice" but the girl thinks you're a loser and owes you nothing.

If a woman thinks I am a loser because I am considerate and thoughtful and don't treat her like shit, then I don't give a fuck what she thinks, and either way, I don't want her to "owe" me anything. I am not looking to be owe anyone anything or incur their obligation to me - that is a totally fucked way to have a relationship. I don't want to have power over someone except in role playing, and I don't want someone to have power over me.

We aren't all control freaks and we don't all view the world that way. I pity the woman who has a relationship with you if that is the way you view relationships.

But if you both give and both take you're in real relationship. Can I make it any fucking clearer STG?

Oh yeah - you made it plenty clear.

 

[Marxist]

STG--Since you've told us about your great success in the dating game, it would be a good idea to ignore my bad advice, no? Besides I thought you were ignoring me..

For anyone else that wants to listen, GROW SOME BALLS. Girls like 'em. Whether you're good or bad, happy or sad, chicks want a little confidence.

To quote PC: Limey, you're confusing venting with whining. Women generally don't like whiners.

 

[MacCortz]

Re: Re: Nice guy = ??

Ignore you? Can I adopt you???

Thats the bad side of getting involved with a married person. If you are this involved, step back and ask her what she wants. If she decides to stay in such a relationship,then find you a better person.

this quote is irrelavant...I'm just totally inamered with learn to read ....I'm up for adaption, but be aware of the danger of the net.

the future is ours

 

[PowerOfOne]

Nice guy

You seem to be lumping us all in one category and I do not belong in the one where the guy treats me like dog poop. When that started in my long term relationship, he left with my warmest regards and coldest stare but he left nonetheless.

I will not waste time on a man that cannot treat me as an equal, or cannot respect me or a liar or a cheater. It's just that simple. I think I am special, therefore I am...~laughing~ and when the time is right some really NICE GUY is going to be very lucky to get my attentions.

I have never been attracted to the "bad boy" image nor will I ever be. He could be the most handsome man in the world but if he treats me bad he is out! He could be the ugliest man in the world and if he treats me right then he is in! Any questions?