Newly Published - would love your thoughts!

[Hintofawhore]

I am very excited to have my first Erotica tale published on the site! I have already gotten some great feedback & would love to hear what more readers have to say! Yes, this may be a shameless plug ... but the encouragement is great & inspires me to open my creativity as I continue on this journey!

My ever-helpful editor - Bert_Fegg encouraged me to seek the advice of the fabulous people in this forum ... and I am looking forward to cultivating even more ideas together!

Please, check it out & let me know what you think!

http://www.literotica.com/s/room-with-a-view-11

 

[AMoveableBeast]

Well written, vivid, superbly erotic. Skillfully done. A beautiful piece. Kinky with a touch of class. I look forward to reading more from you.

 

[Hintofawhore]

Thank you for the kind words!!

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Love your author name!

Not often I come across a story that oozes eroticism but you have nailed it. Great first story. Sparse and tight prose that paints the scene.

As a commenter wrote, it gains a lot in the context of eroticism from not having a graphical anatomical description of body parts. You stay in Cinda's head and let the supporting cast, including Luke, perform without intruding. Not easy to pull off.

Can't leave it as just an eulogy.

Your paragraphing is a bit all over the place. In a story without dialogue (not a criticism at all) it is quite difficult to break the text up. Both giving reader-sized bites and limiting the actions/events to avoid 'shopping lists' is difficult but I think you could structure a bit better. Sorry, my lousy English.

Congrats to you and Bert. A tour de force, especially for a debutante on Lit.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Its average fare at best. Larded with adverbs and adjectives. You need to learn how thoughts and feelings differ. Goosebumps are feelings, hunger and fatigue are feelings, fear and lust are feelings; a preference for April 15 over Christmas isn't a feeling.

I didn't score it or leave a comment. I think its unfair to hammer newbies too much. But the story has too much of the newbie gee willikers virginal tone to it.

Work on it.

 

[Hintofawhore]

Elfin - thank you for the response! I worried that a lack of dialogue would cause it to become "shopping list". I will pay more mind to paragraph structure in the future ...

 

[Hintofawhore]

James BJ -

I think that you are being unreasonably harsh ... I feel as if I care not. I shall happily accept constructive criticism & reviews .... I've no time for baseless destructive criticism.

 

[CeasarBoobage]

Don't worry about JBJ, most of his comments are best ignored. He's usually crude and crass.