Newest story

[the_apocalypse]

Hi everyone I would really appreciate any feedback for my latest story, after all feedback is the best way to improve.

It is in the gaymale category, so if you don't like that genre I suggest you don't read it.

http://www.literotica.com/s/morning-menage-a-trois

Really looking forward to what the good readers of Literotica think.

 

[roomfor1more]

Story Strengths

• For the most part it is well written.
• I liked the fact it was a short-story and it worked for me.
• The story flowed, there were no abrupt changes in the story, and there were no characters magically appearing in the story.

A few points for improvement:

• I feel your balance on descriptions when setting up the scene is wrong. Personally I feel you try to be overly creative with your descriptions, which detracts form the story but at the same time I feel you overly rely on adverbs, such as violently, when you should be describing. My own feeling stop trying to write a story for a creative writing class and do more with developing the scene.
• Men do not have G-spots and the there is some debate if G-Spots do exist in women. For me, I would argue that stating you have a G-spot is inaccurate and for some may take away from the story. Instead I would have preferred that state where he ran his tongue over.
• My own personal feeling the characters seem to be interchangeable. As a reader, I like to read characters that are distinct and are definable characteristics. This means for me, I would have like to have read characters that were more developed in the story.
  

 

[the_apocalypse]

Story Strengths

• For the most part it is well written.
• I liked the fact it was a short-story and it worked for me.
• The story flowed, there were no abrupt changes in the story, and there were no characters magically appearing in the story.

A few points for improvement:

• I feel your balance on descriptions when setting up the scene is wrong. Personally I feel you try to be overly creative with your descriptions, which detracts form the story but at the same time I feel you overly rely on adverbs, such as violently, when you should be describing. My own feeling stop trying to write a story for a creative writing class and do more with developing the scene.
• Men do not have G-spots and the there is some debate if G-Spots do exist in women. For me, I would argue that stating you have a G-spot is inaccurate and for some may take away from the story. Instead I would have preferred that state where he ran his tongue over.
• My own personal feeling the characters seem to be interchangeable. As a reader, I like to read characters that are distinct and are definable characteristics. This means for me, I would have like to have read characters that were more developed in the story.
  

Thanks for the feedback I shall take your comments on board and digest them so when I write my next piece I shall remember both the good and the bad and try to improve.

 

[atlanticgirl12]

Honestly, that was a great story!!

Basically it was short and sweet!!

Sandra

 

[the_apocalypse]

Honestly, that was a great story!!

Basically it was short and sweet!!

Sandra

thanks very much