Newbie Question about BDSM Orgs

[RomanHans]

I'm a complete novice to BDSM, except for reading about it and being very intrigued (especially from a sub perspective). I'm thinking about attending a meeting of my local BDSM org (Black Rose in DC), but I'm not very sure what to expect or if it's likely to be helpful to a novice like me...anyone who is in a similar situation or is familiar with these orgs, please post your comments on what you think I should expect?

Roman

 

[MissTaken]

Black Rose is a very reputable organization and I am sure you will find you are welcomed and not alone in terms of experience etc.

Have you found their website and joined?

Getting to know some prior to attending can be a real ice breaker.

I almost envy you the opportunity.

 

[HzDomme]

The munches that I've attended have been quite similar to going to any other type group meeting. Some could even be compared to a PTA meeting at times.

At some the people will be very friendly and greet you as you walk in and at others you'll have to make the first approach to say hello. It could be a bit awkward your first time but within a short time there is wonderful conversation all around, just join in.

You will get out of it exactly what you put in. Meaning the more comfortable you become and speak to others the more they will converse with you.

The munches I've attended have been at local restaurants (in separate rooms) Usually you have drinks/lunch/snacks first and then there is a mini type meeting to welcome newcomers and sometimes to talk about group issues, but usually not.
It appeared to me that the staff knew what the group was about but once the meeting/greeting part started they did not enter the room.

Please dress as you would for everyday life. The restaurants would have a problem providing a separate room if they thought it would drive other business away because there was a bunch of leather clad, collar wearing BDSMers in the other room. Any symbols of the lifestyle are not usually encouraged.

If it is a concern; no one there is going to "out you" if they recognize you. At least I personally have never heard of anyone who did not respect the right of privacy.


Go. More than likely you will meet some very interesting people who have a similar mindset to you.

Enjoy

 

[rick_j21]

I just wanted to share a little about my experience. I am a 21 year old male exploring myself and I am definetly a subbie (WEG). I didn't know anything more than what I had read and seen on the internet and that all recently changed. I do not know about the D.C. area but I do know that in the L.A. area there are a lot of local groups and the ones that I have found have very nice people in them and many of them are very willing to help newbies. (Of course as in any way of life there are those groups that you might wish to avoid but never settle for any one person's opinion. You are better served to gain your own opinions as well as the opinions of a handful of others.) I totally went into the whole thing with an open mind and if you are at all curious I would definetly suggest that you go to a munch or two and find out what it really is. It is one thing to read and a total other thing to go into someone's world and watch how they interact with their sub or Dom. I have a few links that I could post that might help you find some local organizations but I would strongly suggest that you just look on www.castlerealm.com if memory serves me correctly they have links for organizations.

 

[RomanHans]

Black Rose is a very reputable organization and I am sure you will find you are welcomed and not alone in terms of experience etc.

Have you found their website and joined?

Getting to know some prior to attending can be a real ice breaker.

I almost envy you the opportunity.

Almost?

Roman

 

[RomanHans]

Thanks to all for the feedback so far. Black Rose offers what seems to be an 'orientation' session for newbies...I'm well aware that these meetings are not a pick-up joint, but I assume more information and social. Any other recommendations on Web sites I should review before I attend my first meeting?

Roman

 

[Ebonyfire]

Thanks to all for the feedback so far. Black Rose offers what seems to be an 'orientation' session for newbies...I'm well aware that these meetings are not a pick-up joint, but I assume more information and social. Any other recommendations on Web sites I should review before I attend my first meeting?

Roman

Enough about reviewing websites and studying. You can do that anytime. Just go with an open mind and open eyes. Take in the situation, and later one you can read about things that perplexed you.

Nothing beats real life interactions.

Ebony

 

[rick_j21]

Enough about reviewing websites and studying. You can do that anytime. Just go with an open mind and open eyes. Take in the situation, and later one you can read about things that perplexed you.

Nothing beats real life interactions.

Ebony

Ebony you are totally awesome. The advice is right on. Sometimes people need to get away from behind the keyboard. I am assuming that one goes to a munch because they want to meet people. Granted you can meet people here but its a lot easier in person. I can admit that I was nervous as hell the first time I went. Now that I have been a few times I love it. So basically the message for you is "JUST DO IT".

 

[Ebonyfire]

Ebony you are totally awesome. The advice is right on. Sometimes people need to get away from behind the keyboard. I am assuming that one goes to a munch because they want to meet people. Granted you can meet people here but its a lot easier in person. I can admit that I was nervous as hell the first time I went. Now that I have been a few times I love it. So basically the message for you is "JUST DO IT".

let me ask you a question? Was going to the munch more nerve wracking than asking some woman on a date?


Just curious. Almost every male I know talks about that as being one of the most nerve wracking things they have ever done.

Eb

 

[rick_j21]

let me ask you a question? Was going to the munch more nerve wracking than asking some woman on a date?


Just curious. Almost every male I know talks about that as being one of the most nerve wracking things they have ever done.

Eb

I would have to say yes. However, I think it appropriate to clerify here that I am submissive and young (21). So when ever I go to any group for the first time I kind of feel like I am auditioning to be accepted. Most people in the scene are older than I. However, everyone I have met has made me feel welcome and many of them encourage me to continue to be eager to ask questions.

 

[Wizard]

let me ask you a question? Was going to the munch more nerve wracking than asking some woman on a date?


Just curious. Almost every male I know talks about that as being one of the most nerve wracking things they have ever done.

Eb

Let me jump in here if I may ............Just to say YES I have to say I think it was.............

The first one had me a little wound up, not knowing what I was getting into..

 

[WriterDom]

Everyone should check out a group at least once. It's not very hard to befriend a member of a group before you go to ask questions. And most have mailing lists you can join.

 

[Wizard]

Everyone should check out a group at least once. It's not very hard to befriend a member of a group before you go to ask questions. And most have mailing lists you can join.

I didn't mean to say we didn't meet some great folks there ...............Go enjoy and you will find all kinds of folks to help you out with any questions.....

I just meant walking thru the door the first time is diffrent.

 

[WriterDom]

I didn't mean to say we didn't meet some great folks there ...............Go enjoy and you will find all kinds of folks to help you out with any questions.....

I just meant walking thru the door the first time is diffrent.

yes, it was hard not knowing what to expect. And they made the new people show up an hour early which made me more nervous.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Let me jump in here if I may ............Just to say YES I have to say I think it was.............

The first one had me a little wound up, not knowing what I was getting into..

I was wondering, thanks Wizard. Not knowing what you are getting into would up the ante a bit.

Eb

 

[RomanHans]

This is a long-overdue bump--I've finally made arrangements to make it to an introductory meeting of Black Rose, and hope to learn a lot about the people in the group and about BDSM in general...any final advice?

Roman

 

[lancemanyon]

This is a long-overdue bump--I've finally made arrangements to make it to an introductory meeting of Black Rose, and hope to learn a lot about the people in the group and about BDSM in general...any final advice?

Roman

Just beware of predators. They abound in the lifestyle as well as this website.

 

[RomanHans]

Just beware of predators. They abound in the lifestyle as well as this website.

Shhh--not so loud! I was hoping that no one would notice!

Roman

 

[Ebonyfire]

Shhh--not so loud! I was hoping that no one would notice!

Roman

so far lancemanyon is one of this Forum's biggest predators.

However I guess he never heard that many predators target people who live near them, and usually know something about their target.

I would be more inclined to watch out for that overly attentive neighbor next door.

 

[His_sugar]

Everyone should check out a group at least once. It's not very hard to befriend a member of a group before you go to ask questions. And most have mailing lists you can join.

Absolutely.. i joined my local groups mailing list well before i ever joined. Once i attended my first meeting, i was embraced and welcomed with open minds.

From that original group, my participation in several other groups were formed. It has allowed me to make wonderful friends that i could never imagine not having in my life.

Sure, i was scared. i remember my first time.. i wore keds, a skirt and top ( it was July and HOT ) and my eyes were as big as a deers stuck in the headlights of a semi-truck.

i wouldn't change a thing tho.. it was wonderful.

Good luck!!!

 

[RomanHans]

Absolutely.. i joined my local groups mailing list well before i ever joined. Once i attended my first meeting, i was embraced and welcomed with open minds.

From that original group, my participation in several other groups were formed. It has allowed me to make wonderful friends that i could never imagine not having in my life.

Sure, i was scared. i remember my first time.. i wore keds, a skirt and top ( it was July and HOT ) and my eyes were as big as a deers stuck in the headlights of a semi-truck.

i wouldn't change a thing tho.. it was wonderful.

Good luck!!!

Thanks for the advice--I've done so much research I'm afraid that I'm in 'analysis paralysis,' so I'm just going to the meeting to see if this is something I could really be serious about....

Roman

 

[DiannaVesta]

back in the day

Years ago when everyone did the BBS thing, we had a bdsm/fetish board. It was like it's own little community. GT's aka Get Togethers were common. Just hanging out, playing pool, going to picnics, etc. Simple social settings give you a chance to be down to earth with people and let your hair down.


DV

 

[Quint]

I've had this question for a long time, having never munched before: is the conversation more like what one would expect on the GB, or on the BDSM board? Is sexuality even the main topic, or just a large one, or not really talked about at all?

In other words, if I walk in and say "Hi, I'm ___, and I'm a submissive quasi-masochist," will people be snickering to themselves? Or would it just come up on its own in conversation later? I know this isn't a play party but since it IS based upon that which we have in common, BDSM, I'd assume at least some of it gets talked about.

Yeesh, I don't often feel young and insecure. Though I am. o)

 

[DiannaVesta]

I've had this question for a long time, having never munched before: is the conversation more like what one would expect on the GB, or on the BDSM board? Is sexuality even the main topic, or just a large one, or not really talked about at all?

In other words, if I walk in and say "Hi, I'm ___, and I'm a submissive quasi-masochist," will people be snickering to themselves? Or would it just come up on its own in conversation later? I know this isn't a play party but since it IS based upon that which we have in common, BDSM, I'd assume at least some of it gets talked about.

Yeesh, I don't often feel young and insecure. Though I am. o)

I think it depends on the group and the dymanics. I've seen groups/people just come right out with it and others that were very private as far as intimate details.

Just go. Say hello and get to know people.

 

[Netzach]

My advice, is also to go a few times.

It may be something of a disappointment the first time. Maybe you don't meet anyone you want to play with, or hit it off with, or get to really know. Expectations can run big, give it some time and give yourself a chance to become a familiar face. Network...that's the best way to learn skills and maybe even meet a good mentor or two.

Nothing beats face-to-face, you are on your way to a very exciting place that a lot of people never have the courage or opportunity to reach!