Newbie needs help

[veebee1]

Hi Everyone,
I am very new at BDSM...have only been experimenting with it for about a month. My Dom is quite experienced but I'm not. Right now I'm feeling confused and lost, yet at the same time, extremely excited and constantly horny.

My questions is: Is this normal? I can use all the help and advice I can get.

Thanks for your help.

 

[dreaming_lilith]

why/how do you feel confused and lost?

tho one month is not a very long time if things goes too fast. it might be easy you get under total influence under your dom instead of discovering your own dreams..but that really depends on the dom

 

[veebee1]

lost and confused

why/how do you feel confused and lost?

I always felt confident and in control of my life...I feel like that is being taken from me. I'm sorta feeling brainwashed...like this isn't right. I can't focus and feeling consumed by his wishes.

Normal? I don't know. He says that eventually it will be liberating to break down and then work from the ground up.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: lost and confused

I always felt confident and in control of my life...I feel like that is being taken from me. I'm sorta feeling brainwashed...like this isn't right. I can't focus and feeling consumed by his wishes.

Normal? I don't know. He says that eventually it will be liberating to break down and then work from the ground up.

It's not a matter of control being taken from you. It's about giving it away, ;-) and getting back something new and different and liberating.

 

[dreaming_lilith]

hm...well I'm personally not a big fan of "break down and then work from the ground up" so dont know what to say about that really

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: lost and confused

I always felt confident and in control of my life...I feel like that is being taken from me. I'm sorta feeling brainwashed...like this isn't right. I can't focus and feeling consumed by his wishes.

Normal? I don't know. He says that eventually it will be liberating to break down and then work from the ground up.

I can only offer my experience and thoughts from my POV but hope they help a little at least. I too came from a life where I had been strong, confident, in control of my life to a degree some never reach, but despite that I made a choice to be a slave and set about finding the right Master who would take on the role in the way I dreamed it would be. I was fortunate and blessed in my search, but despite that, the road has not been easy and clear cut.

It is difficult to break out of having that level of control in your own life, trusting another to give as much attention to detail and need as you yourself have, trusting another with your welfare and well being in many, if not all ways. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong, or you are unsuited to the life you dreamed of, just that you have acknowledged the difficulties which IMHO for most are undeniable in those early steps. The fact you have asked others about it shows you are facing it, challenging your own comfort zones, looking for solutions....all things which you need to be able to do to grow and move forward.

Only you can answer if your Domninant is trying to brainwash you, take you into areas you are not ready for at this stage, or take control where you do not feel comfortable relinguishing your own right now. They may be, or it may be a fairly usual process of going through the unknown when learning to give over that control and power. Take your time, try to look at your feelings realistically, acknowledge it is normal to feel some insecurity when treading new paths, and most importantly, communicate your fears to your Dominant. If they are unwilling to listen, not interested in working through it with you, push back and demand more than you can give right now, it may be time to reassess if they are right for you. Good luck with it and take care.

Catalina

 

[veebee1]

thank you

thank you all for some very encouraging words. I will take them into my mind and heart and ponder them there. It is exciting and mindblowing as you stated. The scarey part is....this is just the beginning and I'm frightenly looking forward to is...if that makes any sense at all. I am slowly trying to relinguish control to him and by the sound of it, from all of you, he knows what he is doing.

Thank you so much!

V.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Re: lost and confused

I'm sorta feeling brainwashed...like this isn't right.

On the other hand... I've learned just from 45 years of life experience, that if it feels like it isn't right, it isn't.
That's just me, of course.
Then again, did you do your due diligence with this guy? Talk to his previous subs, ask why they are previous? Did you meet him thru friends or was he a stranger? There are some great questions to ask before you get into this stuff that any decent Dom/me is supposed to be able to answer and reassure you about. (Not just say 'I'm the all-knowing Oz and will break you and make you over better.')

Take all advice of course, with a grain of salt, including mine.