Newbie needs help

[Harryasaboy]

I wasn't able to find an editor for my first story so I went ahead and published it anyway. The ratings for it were less than stellar, which was not surprising. I just wish that I could get some feedback so my next story will be better. The title is Crybaby and it's nonconsent with BDSM (light stuff). Please be specific as to what you think needs to be done. If you think I'm just asking for attention, you are right I am. You can send your responses to my account here on literotica.

 

[sr71plt]

https://www.literotica.com/s/crybaby

 

[le_kitty]

I wasn't able to find an editor for my first story so I went ahead and published it anyway. The ratings for it were less than stellar, which was not surprising. I just wish that I could get some feedback so my next story will be better. The title is Crybaby and it's nonconsent with BDSM (light stuff). Please be specific as to what you think needs to be done. If you think I'm just asking for attention, you are right I am. You can send your responses to my account here on literotica.

Don't take your rating as an indication of writing quality.

Hm, you titled it Crybaby, but halfway through the first para you spring on the reader that it's star wars fanfic. I didn't expect that at all. If readers thought they were getting something different, they might not have taken lightly to having it switched.

Personally I am okay with his characterisation, but Jinlee lets everything happen to her. You wrote a female character that very clearly lacks confidence. You have an audience that likes that, though in my experience, non-con/reluctance readers want to read a fighter, at least to some degree. It doesn't have to be physical, non-consent and reluctance can be on many levels.

Humiliation gets some people off though. But again, she lacks spirit and will, internally if not physically.

To sum up, she went from passively frightened, to completely willing.

:/

That is someones cup of tea but another person will pour it out. I suppose the question can be; what's the ratio?

Take everything I say with a grain of salt though, this is my filter. I could be entirely wrong. Write what you want. Write what you want/like to read and you can never go wrong.

One last thing, the length. It's difficult to rise over a 4.50 if your story is only one Lit page.

Btw, this line: "Small apple shaped butt, also on my list of things I like."

As coincidence would have it, I was driving and Apple Bottom Jeans by T-Pain came on the radio. This is a very old song for me and I never questioned the lyrics except to vaguely wonder why apples had anything to do with bottoms... It clicked today.

Cheers

Kit

 

[Harryasaboy]

Thank you so much.

Due to changes in my job description I've had to become more of a writer, than a reader. When I was writing it, I actually thought it was too long and cut out large parts of it thinking the readership was more interested in the action than the set up. Yes I thought the transformation was quick too, but I didn't realize how important it was in readers eyes.

As far as the title goes, I thought the synopsis warned people there were Jedi in it.

Again thank you and I'll consider these ideas in my next story.