New Year- New Life

[victorious]

Hello everyone,

Looks like 2013 will be the start of a new year and a new life for me of being single.

Even though we have been living separately and not together, I heard from the wife who said she misses her family (she is from an Asian Country) and doesn't want to live here anymore because she misses her family. She has asked for a divorce so she can go home and be with her family.

I guess she never ever thought of me as being "family".

Sad to see her end it this way- but I am not going to stop her.

I learned along time ago from watching my parents who were miserable together that trying to stop someone from doing what they feel they want to do (whether right or wrong) is not the thing to do as it only causes deeper resentment and hatred focused against the other party that is trying to prevent them from leaving.

She told me that not having her family here, and being in the house all day while I am working will make her crazy. I tried to get her interested in hobbies, gardening, sewing, taking her out- none of that was important to her.
I always gave her whatever she wanted- everything I had was hers- seems it wasn't enough.

I wish her all the best and hope she finds what she is searching for.

Happy New Year everyone.
Victorious

 

[fgarvb1]

A wise man informed me years ago when I was in a much the same situation

"Not everybody get a chance to start over."

After the sting of divorce wore off some I realized he was right.

A bit of advise...DO NOT jump into another deep relationship anytime soon.

 

[box13]

Filed under "How To: Move on."

That's a difficult situation. I hope you can move on, heal, find someone who's willing to commit without turning back on you. The bigger family dynamic isn't easy for anyone though, many I'm sure. I don't think I'd call what you have worse though. You have the chance now to go forward. That's good.

Take care.

 

[box13]

A bit of advise...DO NOT jump into another deep relationship anytime soon.

Ya...emotional trauma, baggage, and big decisions...that's one to be careful of. Some good friends and family who can help you with being honest about yourself and your needs doesn't hurt. Help you keep aware of your blind side.

 

[thesweetsweetness]

(((hugs)))

 

[satindesire]

Sometimes, ending a bad relationship is best by "ripping the proverbail band-aid off" and getting the end over quickly so you can move on to the mourning and healing process ASAP.

I remember your older threads and how sad I was to see you struggling with trying to hold onto her as hard as you were. I'm glad and feel relieved that it's pretty much over now. Being alone is better than being with someone that you just can't make happy times with.

Thanks for updating us. I know a lot of people were praying/thinking positivly about your process and it's nice when people come back and let us know how they're doing.

 

[njlauren]

Hello everyone,

Looks like 2013 will be the start of a new year and a new life for me of being single.

Even though we have been living separately and not together, I heard from the wife who said she misses her family (she is from an Asian Country) and doesn't want to live here anymore because she misses her family. She has asked for a divorce so she can go home and be with her family.

I guess she never ever thought of me as being "family".

Sad to see her end it this way- but I am not going to stop her.

I learned along time ago from watching my parents who were miserable together that trying to stop someone from doing what they feel they want to do (whether right or wrong) is not the thing to do as it only causes deeper resentment and hatred focused against the other party that is trying to prevent them from leaving.

She told me that not having her family here, and being in the house all day while I am working will make her crazy. I tried to get her interested in hobbies, gardening, sewing, taking her out- none of that was important to her.
I always gave her whatever she wanted- everything I had was hers- seems it wasn't enough.

I wish her all the best and hope she finds what she is searching for.

Happy New Year everyone.
Victorious

Sad situation, but it is one I have heard of before, even when the couple stays together. A good friend of mine is married to a woman from Taiwan, and she misses her family and old way of living a lot. In their case they also have a lot together, but the draw can be too much....

One thing I see that is promising, is that while this must hurt like a son of a bitch, especially after the efforts you have made, you seem to have come to terms with it without much bitterness, the fact that you can wish her well is huge. When there is bitterness, it will impinge on your chances of finding someone else, so that is a positive.

My warm thoughts and prayers go you way, and may this way bring new things you way. One friend of mine says in something like this, the key is looking at yourself and changing the things you would like to, find the things you like, get rid of what doesn't work, and that will draw someone to you who likes the new you, and that can bring happiness. In my friend's case, it brought her to a new life, and she found the guy of her dreams, one who loves her, and shares her sense of unbounded joy in living life (and other things), if there is a perfect couple they are close to it , I tell them in some ways they remind me of some romance novel (maybe a kinky one), in terms of the way they look and the way they interact..and it happened when my friend a couple of years ago made that pledge to herself..major work and heartache, but it seemed to work

 

[Eilan]

Maybe I'm misremembering, but isn't the OP the same guy who cared more about getting his rocks off than he did about the fact that his wife was seriously mentally ill?

Happy New Year, indeed.