New Writers Feed back

[mad hatter31]

Hello there

I am a new writer and am interested in how people rate stories.
By content, the writer, length, dialoge, what section the story is put in, the more/less bizarre, or how the victim is portrayed?

I felt my story was a little different, and was described through the eyes of a detective. I went through spellcheck, wordweb, read the stories out loud & reviewed them for a couple of months before posting.

I guess location/section is probably very important, but I was not sure where they would best fit.

Can I get some feed back on my stories, please.

In Fetish; The Pleasure Seeking Stalker, The Hitchhiker

thanks

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=83482

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=85249

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I don't rate storeis usually, because I don't think the rating system really tells you anything. I'll give you feedback on your story though.

First of all, you use too much of that sentence structure that starts with the verb phrase (what are those? participial phrases?) like: "Trying to sit down, he fell off the chair." "Hoping he'd see the sky, he looked out the window." "Seeing that the jig was up, he threw down his gun." This is especially obvious at the start of the story and it's annoying.

Second, you have a lot of mixed verb tensesL past and present tense together in the same paragraph. Not good.

Third: your dialogue isn't good. People don't say "Here is why I require your van." They might say "Here's why I need your van." The dialogue is very stiff and unnatural, which makes the characters stiff and unnatural.

When I read a story, I do look for a few things. In no particular order:
---It has to "read" well. The prose flows along naturally and involves you in the story. You don't notice the author's hand in the story. It seems almost to tell itself. It involves a lot of skill to know what to show in a story and what to omit, and do it in a way that the reader doesn't notice.
---Elegance and beauty of language and image. I'll remember a striking phrase or perfect description from a story long after I've forgotten the plot. This can't be learned; it's a natural gift.
---Character. You usually don't see many interesting characters on this site. The story length doesn't allow for ,uch development. Even so, they should have some personality, their speech should sound natural, their behavior should be believable and consistent with their character
---Interest & Originality: Anyone can write a sex story (& it looks like most people do). Why should I read this one rather than that one? Does the author have something new to say? A new way of saying it? Have they noticed something about sex that no one else has? Or do they just do a terrific job of telling the story? There has to be something in there that makes the story worth the trouble of reading. Surprisingly, a lot of stories seem to ignore this. A lot of people believe that anything they have to say is instinsically interesting by virtue of their having said it. It isn't.
---Plot: it's more than coming up with a new twist on an old story. A good plot is a story worth telling and has a certain beauty of its own, independent of the way the story's told. Good plots are very rare, and it's always startling when you come across a new one here.
---Mechanics. Probably the most important thing of all. This comprises spelling, grammar, punctuation, paragraphing, etc. Many people won't even read a story that starts out with too many careless errors. Most readers here aren't sticklers for perfect grammar and punctuation, but an author should still be able to show that they've mastered the basics of English usage.

I'm sure there's more, but that's just a personal listing.

Regards,
---dr.M.