new writer...

[emerald_68]

hey everyone!! I am new to this place, and new to publishing what I write when it comes to "short stories"

I have 3 stories that I have had posted here in the past few weeks and I would love to get some feedback from readers and other writers. I have a hard time sharing what I write, so to me, this is a HUGE step...LOL and I appreciate all the help I can get.

Please, Let me know what you think? and where I can find YOU, so that I can check out YOUR work (considering signing up as an editor) - Thank you very much

~M~

An Afternoon at the beach (a fantasy)http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=266269

Back alley bang - (what I'd love to do to someone)
http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=268594

Into the Darkness - (my first Black and Blue ball experience)
http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=267661

 

[NoJo]

hey everyone!! I am new to this place, and new to publishing what I write when it comes to "short stories"

I have 3 stories that I have had posted here in the past few weeks and I would love to get some feedback from readers and other writers. I have a hard time sharing what I write, so to me, this is a HUGE step...LOL and I appreciate all the help I can get.

Please, Let me know what you think? and where I can find YOU, so that I can check out YOUR work (considering signing up as an editor) - Thank you very much

~M~

An Afternoon at the beach (a fantasy)http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=266269

Back alley bang - (what I'd love to do to someone)
http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=268594

Into the Darkness - (my first Black and Blue ball experience)
http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=267661

I fixed the broken links in your post, emerald:

http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=266269

http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=268594


http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=267661

 

[book_man_03]

Oh, no! Second person!

Sorry, Emerald, I detest second person stories, so didn't finish any of them. The perfect second person story is written for an audience of one, and the 'you' you were writing for isn't me.

I skimmed, and noticed an it's that should have been its, a then that should have been a than, and a breathe that should have been a breath. That said, you're still better than a lot of writers on Lit (although not necessarily in the Hangout!)

Art

 

[emerald_68]

Thank you Sub and Book

Sub for fixing the links...I didnt even notice they were fried. (I am on dialup, so I try to mess with things as little as possible because it takes FOREVER) but I appreciate the help!


Book_man...thank you for your honesty. I just sit down and write, without thought of context or anything...it is nice to know that I do have potential...

I look forward to sharing my "improvements"

~M~

 

[Aurora Black]

Welcome to Lit, Emerald!

 

[Guest]

hey everyone!! I am new to this place, and new to publishing what I write when it comes to "short stories"

I have 3 stories that I have had posted here in the past few weeks and I would love to get some feedback from readers and other writers. I have a hard time sharing what I write, so to me, this is a HUGE step...LOL and I appreciate all the help I can get.

Please, Let me know what you think? and where I can find YOU, so that I can check out YOUR work (considering signing up as an editor) - Thank you very much

~M~

An Afternoon at the beach (a fantasy)http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=266269

Back alley bang - (what I'd love to do to someone)
http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=268594

Into the Darkness - (my first Black and Blue ball experience)
http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=267661

Wow. SERIOUS potential. I love the heat in your stories, the flow, the sexiness. Well done.

As to 1st or 2nd person and present tense? Not the best choice, really. Sometimes it works, and I must confess that the first stories I submitted here were the same. In my mind, they seemed sexier to be written in present tense. I think that's just because they were my fantasies, my experiences, however. Does that make sense? But to your readers it will come off a bit strange.

You can rework the stories, change the tense and POV. It makes a bit difference. Here's a bit from your story Into the Darkness.

I lean in against the bar, and settle in to watch in morbid curiosity. I never expected to be a voyeur. My tongue caressed my straw, while I watched each woman raise their floggers and bring them down onto his headed flesh – alternating between kissing and spanking. With each moan and jerk, his arousal grew more evident. They force him to watch them exchange deep kisses, just a breath out of his reach.

She leaned against the bar, settling in to watch the scene with morbid curiosity. She never expected to be a voyeur. Her tongue caressed her straw as she watched each woman raise floggers and bring them down onto his heated flesh, alternating kissing and spanking. With each moan and jerk his arousal became more evident. They forced him to watch as they exchanged deep kisses, remaining just a breath out of his reach.

Losing interest, I go towards another corner, where a woman is tied onto a cross shaped table. Her hands are strapped to the side, while her feet are extended towards the bottom. While she is confided, her partner carries on with whatever he pleases. I jump as the crack of flesh rings in my ears. A resounding slap leaves red prints on the lush lady's bottom. He continues – spanking and rubbing, spanking and rubbing. Finally she lays quivering on the table.

She lost interest and wandered towards another corner where she saw a woman who was tied onto a cross-shaped table. Her hands were strapped to the sides, while her feet were extended across the bottom. While she was confined, her partner carried on with whatever he pleased. She jumped as the crack of flesh rang in her ears. A resounding slap left red prints on the lush lady's botom. He continued, spanking and rubbing, spanking and rubbing. Finally she lay quivering on the table.


It really can make a difference. And I have rewritten the first stories I submitted here, actually. I have them on other sites (though if I'd get off my butt I'd resubmit them here with their edited versions).

Anyway. Terrific beginning, and welcome to Lit!

 

[emerald_68]

thank you...

very much - I can see now, what you mean - totally different then what I was originally doing!!! What a difference!! Thank you again,
~M~

 

[Stella_Omega]

I remember when I first started writing, it was all in first person. And when I changed to third person, it seemed to me that the possibilities just exploded...

 

[MzDeviancy]

Also be sure to watch that you don't flip tenses unintentionally! I THINK I've got that mostly under control now for myself, but I know that for the first while, it was insane. You think you're going along smoothly, everything in past-tense, look back and read it over, and you've switched tenses three times. It's a pain in the ass, but proof-read the hell out of anything before you post it, especially in the beginning.

I should probably add that I noticed you flipping tenses a couple of times in the snippets SSS posted.

 

[CharleyH]

hey everyone!! I am new to this place, and new to publishing what I write when it comes to "short stories"

I have 3 stories that I have had posted here in the past few weeks and I would love to get some feedback from readers and other writers. I have a hard time sharing what I write, so to me, this is a HUGE step...LOL and I appreciate all the help I can get.

Please, Let me know what you think? and where I can find YOU, so that I can check out YOUR work (considering signing up as an editor) - Thank you very much

~M~

An Afternoon at the beach (a fantasy)http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=266269

Back alley bang - (what I'd love to do to someone)
http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=268594

Into the Darkness - (my first Black and Blue ball experience)
http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=267661

Welcome, Emerald. I don't have time to read your stories, but welcome.

 

[Guest]

Welcome, Emerald. I don't have time to read your stories, but welcome.

Charley's too busy torturing her men.

 

[CharleyH]

Charley's too busy torturing her men.

LOL - and making love to my women - you forgot that, honey lol -

 

[Guest]

LOL - and making love to my women - you forgot that, honey lol -

Yummm.

 

[emerald_68]

Lmao

You all just made me feel at home - thanks guys - listening to you, reminds me of my forum places...thanks

~M~