New writer wants feedback

[66stingray]

New to writing stories but I figured I'd have a crack at it. I would like any suggestions or comments, good or bad. Thanks.

http://www.literotica.com/s/colors

 

[PennLady]

Hmmm. I read this over and I'm not sure what I think. Mechanically speaking, I think it's okay, but I'm not crazy over coercion. On the other hand, it was interesting that really, the narrator was psyching herself out, guessing at the guy's thoughts and reactions. Can't say I'd keep reading, but that's just me.

 

[estragon]

A Good Start, Should Get You a Good Score

Not my genre either, but your writing is mechanically correct, and your character is consistent and appealing. As an EA myself, I sympathize with your character. One tax pro has said that every taxpayer needs two tax advisers, one to tell the taxpayer what the law is, and the other to tell taxpayer what taxpayer wishes the law was, and then the taxpayer can choose.