New Writer seeking feedback and comments

[Loganberry]

Hi,
I know this is somewhat forward, but I was hoping to get some feeback and comments from ppl willing to take a look at my fics. i've posted two so far and am waiting for a third to be approved. im new to writing erotica and so any useful comments would be gratefully received.

my work can be found at:-
http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/memberpage.php?uid=512812

thanx in advance
Loganberry

 

[dis_pac]

I can usually find at least one...

...negative thing to point out.

Sorry, couldn't find one this time



Great story I left a public comment.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I just can't get into second-person stories. The "I/you" thing. I don't act like this guy and don't look like him and after a while I have to wonder who it is you're talking to. It sure isn't me.

It's too bad too, because the story was well written and the sex was hot. I kept on feeling like I was listening to you talking to someone else though, and that made me feel excluded.

Sorry.

 

[Loganberry]

thanx

thank u for both ur replies. its all useful.
as a matter of fact i wrote both stories for my partner, which is why they are 1st person and i do see the point that some readers wouldnt feel included because the description of the guy isnt them. howerver, im hoping to post a few more fics real soon which will be 3rd p. so if u would like to read them i would be very grateful.

thanx once again
LB

 

[msboy8]

Great stories! Like I said, I'm not much for the 1st person, but you have such a talent that I enjoyed your stories. I Read, Vote and Commented on all three. Good job, good start. Write some more!

 

[anu_g42]

Me Newbie too!

Your writing style is good. I have a few suggestion about it still. Please break up the paragraphs into shorter ones. A little bit more attention to grammar and spelling also will sharpen your already sharp narration.

I have always liked a good threesome, and a foursome, and moresome! However, I think for a xxsome to be really enjoyable and true to its nature, the participants have to be able to feel comfortable in their sexualities. I don't know if you get my drift . . .


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