New writer looking for suggestions and feedback.

[m_and_em_stories]

First story published: https://www.literotica.com/s/night-time-surprise-1

I dove in the last few weeks writing down a bunch of fantasies with my wife and then turning them into stories. Somehow a series developed as I wrote them in what was a loose timeline, and I ended up re-writing it as a series with 3 'acts'.

I'm new to writing, and newish to erotica. So I know I have lots to learn and figure out.

Unfortunately I noticed a few typos/extra words that made it through my editing process in this story. Is it possible to fix those without un-publishing the story?

 

[TheWritingGroup]

https://www.literotica.com/faq/publishing/editing-published-work

--Annie

 

[m_and_em_stories]

https://www.literotica.com/faq/publishing/editing-published-work

--Annie

Thank you! I'll do that once I think I've found them all

 

[MythicMind]

My best advice at this point is to wait a day or two after your first draft and then go back for editing. Things can pop out to you when you wait a bit. For instance:

I had never imagined myself lying in bed alone listening to my wife fuck another man, but the road to get here is also one I hadn't imagined, one I don't think my wife ever imagined either. Yet once the opportunity came we never looked back. My opportunity me when a missed connection from college showed up, and now for her when an ex reached out to reconnect recently.

This paragraph is very clunky. It could be written much more smoothly, like this:

I never thought I’d be lying in bed alone, listening to my wife fucking another man. But the road that led here wasn’t something either of us could’ve imagined. When the chance came, we both took it—and never looked back. Mine started when an old college flame reappeared. Hers began when an ex reached out to reconnect.

Also, you don't give anyone a name. You want to make these real people.

Some of your paragraphs are too long. For this kind of format, shorter sentences are better. For instance, one paragraph could read:

Through the wall came the faint, rhythmic creak of the bed. I knew what was happening. In my mind, I could see her with him—close, moving together, lost in it.

I imagined my wife on top of him, sliding up and down on his cock. He's playing with her breasts with one hand, the other grabbing her hip to pull her down onto him. He then moves it down to grind his thumb against her clit.

Finally, my wife lets out a cry of ecstasy as she comes, followed by his own moans as he spills into her.

Your tenses don't always line up. This can be easy to get wrong. Usually when writing in first person, you want to keep things immediate unless the narrator is recalling something from the past. For instance, "Our eyes met, and her eyes widened for a second..." should be "Our eyes meet, hers going wide in surprise..." But either way, you want to be consistent—pick a tense and stick with it.

This isn't a mistake so much as a lost opportunity. When she climbs into bed with him, you have the narrator tell us what she tells him. Instead, you could have had her say it. For instance:

“I couldn’t sleep,” she tells me through her moans. “I was wondering the house and saw him leaving the bathroom. He was naked.”

I begin to lick the sides of her lips, tasting the nectar of their shared orgasm as it drips from her pussy.

“We didn’t say a word,” she continues. “We just started kissing right then and there. I pushed him against the wall. His hands were all over me. I couldn’t wait for you—I had to have him."

She arches her back as I hit a particularly sensitive spot, gasping with pleasure. She keeps teasing me with her story—

“I led him back to the spare room. I pulled down his pants and put his cock into my mouth. I remembered the first time I’d done that all those years ago. I was so nervous and excited. I felt so naughty. He was both familiar and new. I almost came while I was blowing him.”

Hope this feedback helps.

 

[m_and_em_stories]

Great feedback thank you!. I'll think on all of that and make improvements.

I do have tense issues when I write. My brain flips between perspectives in early drafts and then I try to put it back into a single narrative at the end but it's hard to get them all.

 

[MythicMind]

Great feedback thank you!. I'll think on all of that and make improvements.

I do have tense issues when I write. My brain flips between perspectives in early drafts and then I try to put it back into a single narrative at the end but it's hard to get them all.

It still sneaks in to my stories. I have to do a specific sweep for it.

 

[StillStunned]

Here's a good place to start: Self-editing for authors.

The most valuable suggestion I can give, as a professional editor, is to run Read Aloud or some other text-to-speech software over your story. Not only does it help to catch typos, you'll also hear where you've repeated words too often or where the phrasing is just clunky.

 

[m_and_em_stories]

Here's a good place to start: Self-editing for authors.

The most valuable suggestion I can give, as a professional editor, is to run Read Aloud or some other text-to-speech software over your story. Not only does it help to catch typos, you'll also hear where you've repeated words too often or where the phrasing is just clunky.

Ty.

That's a great suggestion I will absolutely do this.