New writer eager for feedback.

[Lancastrian]

Hi

I just had my first attempt at erotic writing posted on the site.

It's entitled 'Laid Bare in London' in the 'group sex' category.

I really would appreciate some feed back on this- Good or bad - constructive criticism especially welcome.

Thanks

Lancastrian

 

[Whispersecret]

How's about a link for us lazy people?

 

[Lancastrian]

A link?
I'm not sure I know how to do that!
anyone know??

Lancastrian

 

[Whispersecret]

This is how I do it.

1. Open another window and go to your story.
2. Highlight the address of the link.
3. Cut and paste it to the first window. It should show up automatically as a direct link to your story.

 

[Lancastrian]

A link then to 'Laid bare in London'.....
I'll try...click on this, it might even work!

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=12844

Lancastrian

 

[Merelan]

Pretty damn good. A bit sudden on the ending, but I prefer long drawn out teases. But really, keep up the writing. You gave her character in just a few words, thats tough.
Listen to me, I sound like I am a pro, but in a sense I am, I read alot, specially these naughty ones. Thanks for the link.

 

[Sonia_de_Beaumanoir]

I thought the plot and text were generally fine. However there are punctuation problems. Whispersecret has some great how-to articles on the site.

For example, there are way too many ellipses (...). KillerMuffin would tell you (as she did me) to use none if possible.

Another thing you need to do is start a new paragraph each time a different person's dialog begins. As it is you have some very long paragraphs with several different characters talking. Long blocks of text are hard to read.

Finally, I think stories are better if characters speak rather than having so much 3rd-person description. Example: instead of

Alan had told the guys she was very experienced.

You could write

"Beth is very experienced," Allan told the guys.

Hope this helps.
Sonia

 

[Lancastrian]

Thanks to all who have replied so far.
Constructive criticism is great and I will bear all of it in mind for future efforts.

I've had lots of feedback so far. This is one heck of a cool site frequented by some really fine and friendly people.

Thanks again....


Lancastrian

 

[Guest]

Personally, I don't like the way stories are posted on this site. The way that each paragraph is split up into an ugly block of text with a gap between, especially where text is concerned, really interrupts the flow. And there are a couple of minor mistakes in my stories that weren't there when I sent them in to be posted. I mean, it's all free, so I'm not going to mount a campaign over it, but I do think that the stories should look exactly the way they would if they appeared in a magazine or a book. I sent mine in looking that way, so I don't understand why they can't just paste them in directly. Ho-hum.

 

[Weird Harold]

Personally, I don't like the way stories are posted on this site. The way that each paragraph is split up into an ugly block of text with a gap between, especially where text is concerned, really interrupts the flow.


Every site I've found on the web with readable stories has similar breaks between the paragraphs. I've found a few that don't break the paragraphs at all, so the whole story is one unbroken block of text. I find those very hard to read. This site, like most others uses the <p>,</p> HTML tags to format paragraphs, and that includes a blank line following.

And there are a couple of minor mistakes in my stories that weren't there when I sent them in to be posted.

Minor mistakes in where the paragraph breaks occur, or minor mistakes like strange characters, or what kind of mistakes exactly do you mean?

Added paragraph breaks are usually because you have a hard return in your original that the conversion process reads as a paragraph break. If you use MS Word, it has a "show hidden characters" function that will help you find them.

Strange characters are often the result of "smart quotes" or accented french characters that require special coding to convert to HTML pages.

I mean, it's all free, so I'm not going to mount a campaign over it, but I do think that the stories should look exactly the way they would if they appeared in a magazine or a book. I sent mine in looking that way, so I don't understand why they can't just paste them in directly. Ho-hum.

The limitations of HTML coding prevents half lines between paragraphs as you would find in a book or magazine.

Even if HTML allowed such formatting, it wouldn't be a good idea. Reading something from a screen is much different than reading from a page you can trace your finger along the text if necessary. The visual cues are substantially different and identical formatting to that found in hard-copy will cause headaches and eyestrain in most people.

If you submitted your story through the text box on the submission form, you had the option of previewing it before submitting it. The line length in the preview is different from that of the final posting, but spelling, special characters, special formatting (if you've inserted the correct codes), and unexpected paragraph breaks are easy to spot.

I suggest you pick up a copy of HTML for dummies and get an idea of what is and isn't possible with HTML coding of web-pages.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I looked at Mark H's stories. At least one of them. I didn't see any HTML coding off, but I did see several errors. <sarcasm>Obviously it's all the site's fault there are posted errors in Mark H's stories because he would never ever let one slip by him. He is perfect after all.</sarcasm>

 

[Glenn Beuhring]

I really liked the story

Nice job. I really liked it. It's well written and one thing I've found, though I didn't really see any examples in your story is people who depend upon the spell check too much.

It was a very erotic story... that's a good thing.

Here is a link to my stories http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1370
Remember to read over your stories because it doesn't catch everything.

 

[Lancastrian]

Hi all....
the spelling thing.
I'll re-check but I am English remember and we do have quite a few differences from
Americans when it comes to spelling

However I should have been more careful in mylatest effort 'Three Steps to Heven' which is in the erotic couplings category. I didn't just get the spellings wrong (eg. tyre for tire) but I also used bonnet instead of hood, for a cars engine lid thingy. As the story was set in the U.S. I should have been more careful.

Oh Well
thanks again for the feedback.

Lancastrian

 

[KillerMuffin]

Well, look on the bright side, at least you didn't call it a car's engine lid thingy in your story. I like that phrase, it's adorable.