New to this and need some advice

[LilDallas]

First a little back ground....Past life experiences with ex - bondage, submissive, toys and mild spankings.

For the last 10 years I have been involved in "normal" relationship. I miss being submissive, the toys and being taken care of and am very tired of battling myself and being Independent. Just want to relax, close my eyes, feel and forget.

As of a couple of weeks ago I was pretty much stressed out and overworked with raising step-child - pretty much been that way for a while and the last thing on my mind was our bedroom life. Well some of the stressors have grown and gone away so my mind had time to wander and fantasize, life in the bedroom definately picked up (overnight) and hubbie started to ask questions. Anyway I told him that I had been surfing the net and found some great stories and we talked briefly about BDSM. I think that I changed gears to fast for him or something. He said that he has looked at BDSM for last how many years the other night when we talked but nothing has changed and I am starting to get flusterated. Don't know what to do next and am about ready just to shut down again and be done with it. Don't want to give him up as he is incredible in so many ways (and dominate in everything else in his life but me).

Thanks for listening and any advice will be greatly appreciated!!
LilDallas

 

[Native Alien]

First of all, make a date when it is just you and him. Then tell him what exactly you want. I have all brothers and I know that they are sometimes confused as to what the women in their lives want as far as sexually. Communication is the key to all relationships and you need to not have the step-child there and the two of you need to have a talk with NO distractions.

 

[entitled]

Here i was going to say pretty much the same thing... *laughs*

Another thing is to keep all discussions out of the bedroom until both of you are comfortable with the idea of actually trying/getting back into the lifestyle. Maybe designate a certain area as you personal discussion area. Whenever a problem or concern pops up, pencil in a time to sit down in that area and discuss it, then leave it behind when the two of you leave it. (This works really well if there's some lightweight furniture that can be rearranged to make a temporary area. Once it's moved back into it's usual place the area is gone and any bad feelings can be left until the area is made up again.)

 

[catalina_francisco]

Maybe it is necessary just this one last time for you to take the lead and make a time when you casually invite him to join you on the computer and explore some BDSM sites etc. together. Can always mention you are interested in sharing this with him as he has said he has been interested for years, and you have expressed your desires also, so thought it a fun thing to curiously explore together and see where it leads. Sometimes you have to just about hit them over the head with a sledgehammer, lightly padded to decrease any discomfort they may feel with the new openness you are both not used to or secure in as yet. Is always worth working to save a good relationship if at all possible as they are few and far between. Good luck.

Catalina

 

[LilDallas]

Thanks for the advice,
Stepchild is now grown and is no longer with us, we are alone just the two of us. l will try talking again but sometimes he can be incredibly dense - maybe keeping discussions to a certain area will work. Its worth a shot. This was lots easier with ex - IT just happened.

Thanks again!!

 

[Daedalus77]

Just because he has looked at BDSM doesn't mean he has a clue what to do. You may have to lead for a while and show him. He may not want to "hurt" you and does not understand he is not hurting you at all.

D.