New to the world of BDSM

[BerryBear]

Hello I have come to this site because I am new to this world, I have just recently found that I am into BDSM and that I am also a submissive and I just want to know from people who are part of BDSM what it is like since I know nothing about it, I haven't been able to try out anything I am into since I am single and also a virgin ((I know a virgin at 18, what a loser!))

It'd be very helpful to be able to talk to people who would be able to talk me through everything.

 

[MeekMe]

Hello I have come to this site because I am new to this world, I have just recently found that I am into BDSM and that I am also a submissive and I just want to know from people who are part of BDSM what it is like since I know nothing about it, I haven't been able to try out anything I am into since I am single and also a virgin ((I know a virgin at 18, what a loser!))

It'd be very helpful to be able to talk to people who would be able to talk me through everything.

Welcome to the forum. Being a "virgin" is just a shitty concept created to make people feel bad about sex. There's no shame in inexperience.

With a post like this your inbox is going to fill up with people claiming to be doms that "just want to help." Chances are they're trying to get easy cyber sex from you. We can't 'talk you through everything' as every individual and relationship is unique. We can offer advice and our thoughts if you have specific questions. I'm on my phone so I can't easily put links in, I'll come back later with those.

Check the blue stickies at the top for archived resources and take a look at the forum pages. We have several open discussions with similar topics to yours.

Are there any specific questions you have? Ask here and you'll get lots of POVs.

 

[mrxn757]

Hello I have come to this site because I am new to this world, I have just recently found that I am into BDSM and that I am also a submissive and I just want to know from people who are part of BDSM what it is like since I know nothing about it, I haven't been able to try out anything I am into since I am single and also a virgin ((I know a virgin at 18, what a loser!))

It'd be very helpful to be able to talk to people who would be able to talk me through everything.

A virgin at 18 is not a loser. Hopefully you are being true to yourself.
Half the 18 yo claiming to have sex..are lying. Dont believe their hype.
I recommend some reading on the BDSM scene. Educate yourself ....and remember you have power in YOUR submission.

 

[Spiderweb360]

New

I just want to say that I am also new to this and would like to learn a little more on the subject

 

[Glycanthrope]

MeekMe said it..

There are many friendly kinksters on this forum, who will be more than happy to help you with the more specific questions, because we have all been through the "awakening kink confusion", and have since settled into a myriad of different BDSM related relationships.

There is an entire thread devoted to discussing the many different types of BDSM relationships. Read through it, and you will understand why it is difficult for us to guide you from step one - because step one varies from person to person, but use the forum and ask away.

One piece of advice that I can give you at this point is to read a couple of handbooks on BDSM - check the library sticky for inspiration and spend a few bob on amazon. One title that springs to mind is "Bdsm Basics for Beginners" - not a bad read.

 

[Cumference]

Welcome aboard.

Be aware that there is an almost identical thread here:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1131587

Some of the advice there, will probably be useful for you too.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Hello I have come to this site because I am new to this world, I have just recently found that I am into BDSM and that I am also a submissive and I just want to know from people who are part of BDSM what it is like since I know nothing about it, I haven't been able to try out anything I am into since I am single and also a virgin ((I know a virgin at 18, what a loser!))

It'd be very helpful to be able to talk to people who would be able to talk me through everything.

I was a virgin at 20. One of the important rules for sex in general and BDSM in particular is that it's not a contest to see who can get there fastest with the mostest.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Asking people to tell you "What BDSM is like" is pretty similar to asking people "What is cooking like?" There are a LOT of common elements in everyone's kitchen - but no two people are going to have entirely identical ingredients and kitchen set ups and pots and pans.

They can tell you what cooking is like in their kitchen, but they won't have all the answers necessarily for anyone else's kitchen.

BDSM is an "umbrella" term - it covers a rather large collection of all kinds of alternative sexual activities, and relationship dynamics. The 4 letters encompass three (3) broad categories, or areas, of these alternative ways of doing things. It breaks down like this:

BD - meaning Bondage & Discipline
DS - meaning Domination & submission
SM - meaning Sadism & Masochism

Someone who is "into BDSM" may, or may not be into all of these broad categories. For example, let's look at someone I know very well - me!

I am a sadist - I like to inflict pain on others. In a relationship, I prefer to be in a position of control and authority, but I'm a lazy Top. I'm really not much into bondage beyond telling someone "Don't move!" and discipline? That shit is entirely too much like having to work. If I have to ask someone to do something more than once, I'll do it my damn self because it's more trouble to make someone do something than it is worth to me. It's quicker and easier to do it myself.

Some people live together with their partner(s) and some do not. Some of those practice their relationship dynamic 24/7/365, some practice it in the bedroom only, and some mix it up with their sexy times once in a while to keep things schmexy... Some just want kinky sex. Some what domestic service. Some want both. Some want to have very strict relationship structures, rules and discipline, others don't. Some want bondage without pain, some want pain and no bondage, some want to be forced to have multiple orgasms, others couldn't care less, some want multiple partners/lovers, others want monogamous relationships.

Each person, each relationship, will be somewhat different from any other.

 

[CollarAndFeather]

Experience only really means anything if you've learned from it. I've known guys who had lots of experience but who were still terrible in bed (thankfully, i learned this from friends rather than firsthand).

If you already know yourself well enough to know you're a sub, it sounds like you're actually ahead of most people your age who've had sex in getting in touch with your sexuality.

That & I 2nd everything Geoff said!

 

[curiousity36]

Welcome to the forum. Being a "virgin" is just a shitty concept created to make people feel bad about sex. There's no shame in inexperience.

With a post like this your inbox is going to fill up with people claiming to be doms that "just want to help." Chances are they're trying to get easy cyber sex from you. We can't 'talk you through everything' as every individual and relationship is unique. We can offer advice and our thoughts if you have specific questions. I'm on my phone so I can't easily put links in, I'll come back later with those.

Check the blue stickies at the top for archived resources and take a look at the forum pages. We have several open discussions with similar topics to yours.

Are there any specific questions you have? Ask here and you'll get lots of POVs.

How can u tell the difference between the "fake" doms and the real ones? Sorry if thats a dumb question.

 

[Cumference]

How can u tell the difference between the "fake" doms and the real ones? Sorry if thats a dumb question.

Not dumb at all.

But it raises another: "How do you define what is fake and what is real?"

 

[MeekMe]

How can u tell the difference between the "fake" doms and the real ones? Sorry if thats a dumb question.

It's a question of compatibility. As Cumference suggested, this depends on what is right for you. I'm assuming you're asking because I mentioned soliciting for PMs and being new makes one a target. That's true, a lot of people on the Internet jump at the chance to talk to someone that is new and doesn't know the first thing about BDSM or D/s or whatever you might be into.

I'm not saying that everyone that offers to help you is looking to take advantage of you, but it's a good idea to be aware that there are people who will take advantage of inexperience. The best way to try and help yourself is to learn and discover what it is you want in the relationship and what you're willing to do. Figure out your limits (search for a BDSM check list if you're curious about what's out there) or things you might like to try so you can weed out the incompatible potentials.

You can join groups on Fetlife, make friends here, check out your local scene or do some reading on your own. However you decide to go about it, just educate yourself and be willing to discuss these things openly with potential partners.

If all else fails, ask here in the forums. When I came to the forums and stated how new I was, I received messages from people offering to teach me. No matter how many times I told them No/I'm married/I'm not looking, they all insisted I needed to learn from them. Be wary of anyone that insists they know "the right way." There is no one true way, and you'll find that every relationship is different. The only right way for you is your way (which could be very wrong for others). （＾ν＾）So, real vs. fake is really a question of compatibility.

I hope this was helpful, I lose track of what's been said when I'm on my phone.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Run away, these people are evil, they want to hit you on your bottom and call you rude names.

 

[subwannabe]

I was a loser until I was 25.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Run away, these people are evil, they want to hit you on your bottom and call you rude names.

You're not supposed to tell them right away, remember!