New to Literotica... feedback please!

[czar1024]

Hi all, I'm new to Literotica, well new as a writer anyway, I've been coming here for a few months reading and such. Anyway I was hoping someone could give me some feedback on the 2 stories that I have up now... thanks ^_^.


Alana and Britney - http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=196893

Officer Going Down - http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=197046

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Hey czar--

Listen: it's okay to use periods. I was reading your cop story but the use of ellipses (...) started driving me crazy. Use a period when there's a full stop. Not everything trails off like that... and after awhile... those dots can drive you crazy...

Other than that, I don't have much to say. It's a quick little fuck scene: no character, not especially hot (to me at least). The sex is pretty straight forward, telling us what happened rather than describing the action and painting a vivid picture for us.

Not bad for a first shot. Lose the ellipses though.