New to Literotica - feedback appreciated

[imaginethis]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=302300

This is the link to my first published story. I enjoy writing "medical" scenes, but I can write just about anything Anyway, I wrote this one to be a bit different....it's not everybody's cup of tea but I like to think it might have stirred up a few people I hope to post more stories as time permits. I enjoy reading the feedback and the great tips. I always welcome constructive criticism. One person left a comment saying it was "far fetched", but isn't that what most erotic fantasy is? It's quite true that this "treatment" won't happen in a real hospital LOL . I've written Part 2 but wonder if I should submit it for posting? Again, thanks for any feedback or general comments to a newcomer!

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

You have some punctuation errors you need to be care of.

"Tanya, I have to tell you something... don't get upset... Doctor has ordered a special treatment for you... it's to help get your labor started.

You are using an ellipsis in stead of a period here. An ellipsis is ONLY used to denote an incomplete thought. Used correctly, you'll find you almost never use them at all. In this passge, you should have used periods.

Upon arrival at the hospital, Tanya and her sweet husband Rob were escorted into a special exam room. Eva the nurse was already there and waiting. She had a somewhat stern yet loving expression on her face that Tanya had never seen before. Strangely, she found it exciting and comforting, all at the same time.

Here you are missing some commas. "...Tanya and her sweet husband{,} Rob[,] were escorted into a special exam room. Eva{,} the nurse{,} was already there {and - this word is not needed} waiting. She had a somewhat stern{,} yet loving{,} expression..."

Oveall, the story is pretty good. You need an editor to help with your punctuation and grammar, but the plot, flow was not bad. The characters could use a little more development, but that's true of everyones stories.

For the most part, good job.

 

[imaginethis]

New to literotica - feedback appreciated

Thanks for the feedback - yeah, next time I'll be more careful with the punctuation. I was in a bit of a rush and shouldn't sacrifice grammar, punctuation, no matter what.

My story has over 7,000 hits. Is that good? average? below average? I can't seem to find out how it ranks compared to other stories. Being new, I'm still finding my way around. Any other help, info, is appreciated.
Thanks again!

 

[elfin_odalisque]

7k hits is pretty good - doesn't always mean reads, but if you've got a 1-100 votes to clicks ratio, you're doing better than most.

All that Jenny says is absolutely right. Just love those 'birth orgasms'.

Medical and erotic is very hard to combine, although you make a good stab here.

Half your readership think you only find stirrups on a horse and the other half just go 'ouch'.

You have a nice touch, enjoyed your story and please write some more.

 

[imaginethis]

Thanks so much for the info about the number of views vs. actual reads....my score is 3.97, and only about 30 people or so voted out of more than 8,000 views. So this may mean people are clicking on it, reading a paragraph or two and no more.

I know what you mean about medical. It's a niche area, and for those who like it, they really like it. For those who don't, it doesn't turn them on at all. I will probably go ahead and submit Part 2. Might as well not let it go to waste Thanks for the nice remarks. I'll continue to post.

 

[starrkers]

Depending on the category, 7000 views is good and 30 votes outstanding!

I have stories that have been up for about three months. One has nearly 30,000 views and 89 votes.
Another has just over 1000 views and 6 votes.
The category is everything! Also, if you enter a contest, you tend to get many more views and votes.

 

[imaginethis]

The story is in the Fetish category - couldn't figure out where else to put it. Probably should have been elsewhere, like BDSM. I was surprised that there were that many hits in only a couple of days. I just submitted Part 2 of this story, so I'll be interested to see how it does. Thanks again for the input!

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Half your readership think you only find stirrups on a horse.

Hey now, don't go pointing fingers at anyone...

 

[starrkers]

The story is in the Fetish category - couldn't figure out where else to put it. Probably should have been elsewhere, like BDSM. I was surprised that there were that many hits in only a couple of days. I just submitted Part 2 of this story, so I'll be interested to see how it does. Thanks again for the input!

Just read it. Not a bad start at all. Infinitely readable for a first attempt. Some of the punctuation was a bit out, as JJ said, but not jarringly bad (maybe that's because I misuse ellipses too ).
Can't imagine what other category it could've gone into really - definitely not BDSM.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Hey now, don't go pointing fingers at anyone...

Neigh!