New to being a dom

[domsmith1]

Okay so I've never really done this before. I've been in a few relationships before. but never a dom/sub relationship. my girlfriend wants me dominate her in both the bedroom and out side the bedroom. sexually i can dominate her (everything consensual that we do. i always check before i tie her up and become her dom)
the part i struggle on most is the talk. like i don't know what to say to her or anything. i find it even harder over text. we don't see each other often so she wants me to dominate her over text and i want to as well but am a wee bit uncertain in what to say over text. both things she can do sexually over text and dirty talk as it were
any help from and experienced doms/subs would be greatly appreciated
many thanks

 

[hooterbif]

Okay so I've never really done this before. I've been in a few relationships before. but never a dom/sub relationship. my girlfriend wants me dominate her in both the bedroom and out side the bedroom. sexually i can dominate her (everything consensual that we do. i always check before i tie her up and become her dom) the part i struggle on most is the talk. like i don't know what to say to her or anything. i find it even harder over text. we don't see each other often so she wants me to dominate her over text and i want to as well but am a wee bit uncertain in what to say over text. both things she can do sexually over text and dirty talk as it were any help from and experienced doms/subs would be greatly appreciated many thanks

You've got to be joking. Are you copying me?

Anyway, you're in the right place. The folks on here are awesome caring people.

As someone who has struggled being a good dom, the advice I would give would be to try it. Just say shit. I mean crazy shit. "I'm going to slap the shit out of your ass until its beat red and your wet hole leaks cum down your legs. Then I'm going pound your pussy with my fat meat stick until you are crying for me to stop making you cum."

Then, see what kind of reaction you get. Rinse. Repeat.

 

[Miles Long]

You've got to be joking. Are you copying me?

Anyway, you're in the right place. The folks on here are awesome caring people.

As someone who has struggled being a good dom, the advice I would give would be to try it. Just say shit. I mean crazy shit. "I'm going to slap the shit out of your ass until its beat red and your wet hole leaks cum down your legs. Then I'm going pound your pussy with my fat meat stick until you are crying for me to stop making you cum."

Then, see what kind of reaction you get. Rinse. Repeat.

Key word there is rinse.

 

[hooterbif]

Key word there is rinse.

I have gotten a very good response by scraping all the cum off her legs with my hand and then rubbing my hand all over her face and down her throat until she chokes. For good measure, I pinch her nose shut so she is near puking. (Afterward, she told me what an awesome move that was - they're dirtier than you can imagine)

 

[barefootgirl69]

Are you a Dom? Is it your nature?

It is hard to take a boyfriend and make him your Dom... You have to train him and tell him what to do. Especially if he isn't a Dom. Trust me, I know... I've been that route, and people get hurt. I had to step away and STOP LOOKING for a Dom.

It is much easier to find a man who is dominant, and if you are both compatible, build a relationship as D/s.

To answer your question:

It really isn't so much WHAT you say, as the way you say it. In a controlled way, in a serious way.

Every D/s relationship is different. There is no right or wrong way, it is what you two discuss and agree on that suits your needs.

 

[cookiecat]

You've got to be joking. Are you copying me?

Hahahaha.

Anyway, you're in the right place. The folks on here are awesome caring people.

We are. Thanks.

As someone who has struggled being a good dom, the advice I would give would be to try it. Just say shit. I mean crazy shit. "I'm going to slap the shit out of your ass until its beat red and your wet hole leaks cum down your legs. Then I'm going pound your pussy with my fat meat stick until you are crying for me to stop making you cum."

Yup, this. Only the crazy shit part if it works for you.

Then, see what kind of reaction you get. Rinse. Repeat.

At heart, my guess is she wants to know you're thinking about her. I love to know my guy is dreaming up stuff to make me wet or make me anxious or think about him.

Don't overthink... just text her and tell her when the coast is clear to pinch her nipple. Or clench her pussy 50 times every hour. Or she has to ask your permission to pee. Whatever.

In real life (not texting) I've had moments where I'm yakking on and on about my day, my feelings and he'll just look at me and say shut the fuck up. Crawl over here. Or we're watching tv and he requires me to put my hand on his cock. Nothing too sexual, just keep my hand over the fly of his pants. Send her to work with slut written on her tummy.

There are a million things you can do... just keep it fun, make it something that floats her boat and yours, make sure if she doesn't comply, you have some consequence up your sleeve (spank her over your knee, put her nose to the wall for 10 minutes, make her hand write i'm sorry 500 times, the best "i'm sorry" is always with a mouth full of your cock....)

 

[SpunThings]

Okay so I've never really done this before. I've been in a few relationships before. but never a dom/sub relationship. my girlfriend wants me dominate her in both the bedroom and out side the bedroom. sexually i can dominate her (everything consensual that we do. i always check before i tie her up and become her dom)
the part i struggle on most is the talk. like i don't know what to say to her or anything. i find it even harder over text. we don't see each other often so she wants me to dominate her over text and i want to as well but am a wee bit uncertain in what to say over text. both things she can do sexually over text and dirty talk as it were
any help from and experienced doms/subs would be greatly appreciated
many thanks

You have to talk to her a lot. What hooterbif described would be heaven to some subs, and hell to others. D/s is about who's in charge. It's possible to do what hooterbif described without anyone being a dom or sub. It's possible to have vanilla sex with no kink, and have D/s be a part of the relationship.

 

[kcRollins]

Welcome to a lifestyle where there is no right or wrong. It's like any other relationship you are compatible or not. Is your gf innately submissive? Are you innately Dominant? It's not something you can teach, imo, it's an inner something that you're born with.

If you feel Dominant, then you can hone your skills. Domination is an art and it's not something you can learn overnight. It's a constant learning experience.

You might garner something from "A Dom in the Making" if you're into reading. And it's not a shameless plug, it was well received and I believe informative. It may or may not help you through your struggles.

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-dom-in-the-making

 

[SpunThings]

I disagree with the innately dominant or submissive concept. I understand why people say it, because some people will just not be able to be successful in a dom or sub role. I think that has more to do with whether or not you get anything out of it. It's entirely possible for someone who has never considered or wanted to be dominant in their relationship to learn to do it successfully. As long as they find something in that authority exchange interaction that does it for them, and has a partner who is compatible with their style of dominance. One of the challenges of trying the dom sub thing in an already established relationship is that you might not have compatible styles when it comes down to what you want out of an authority exchange. For example youcould have one partner who wants a micromanagement relationship where the dom makes every minor and major decision for the sub, where the other partner might find that exhausting or stifling, and prefer a more sidekick role for the sub where the dominant makes grand plans and the sub executes the details. That's just one example.

 

[hooterbif]

For example you could have one partner who wants a micromanagement relationship where the dom makes every minor and major decision for the sub, where the other partner might find that exhausting or stifling, and prefer a more sidekick role for the sub where the dominant makes grand plans and the sub executes the details. That's just one example.

OK, now I know that this whole thread is a setup to poke fun at me.

 

[babslovesherdaddy]

Okay so I've never really done this before. I've been in a few relationships before. but never a dom/sub relationship. my girlfriend wants me dominate her in both the bedroom and out side the bedroom. sexually i can dominate her (everything consensual that we do. i always check before i tie her up and become her dom)
the part i struggle on most is the talk. like i don't know what to say to her or anything. i find it even harder over text. we don't see each other often so she wants me to dominate her over text and i want to as well but am a wee bit uncertain in what to say over text. both things she can do sexually over text and dirty talk as it were
any help from and experienced doms/subs would be greatly appreciated
many thanks

I will tell you about my favorite time I was dominated by text message. He taught me to edge. Over and over, to masturbate until I was at the edge and then stop. Then He told me to go to sleep wet! This went on for a couple of days before He finally let me cum. When I did it was mind blowing!

 

[SpunThings]

OK, now I know that this whole thread is a setup to poke fun at me.

I have a tendency to answer rhetorical questions. This may be a similar situation. I'll chime in anyways because I can't help it. Your situation sounds SO familiar. It seems to be very common.

 

[hooterbif]

I will tell you about my favorite time I was dominated by text message. He taught me to edge. Over and over, to masturbate until I was at the edge and then stop. Then He told me to go to sleep wet! This went on for a couple of days before He finally let me cum. When I did it was mind blowing!

Thanks for sharing - great idea!

 

[kcRollins]

I disagree with the innately dominant or submissive concept. I understand why people say it, because some people will just not be able to be successful in a dom or sub role. I think that has more to do with whether or not you get anything out of it. It's entirely possible for someone who has never considered or wanted to be dominant in their relationship to learn to do it successfully. As long as they find something in that authority exchange interaction that does it for them, and has a partner who is compatible with their style of dominance. One of the challenges of trying the dom sub thing in an already established relationship is that you might not have compatible styles when it comes down to what you want out of an authority exchange. For example youcould have one partner who wants a micromanagement relationship where the dom makes every minor and major decision for the sub, where the other partner might find that exhausting or stifling, and prefer a more sidekick role for the sub where the dominant makes grand plans and the sub executes the details. That's just one example.

You certainly have a right to disagree, I am just giving my pov after over two years of thorough and intense interviews with both Doms and subs, who lived the lifestyle and didn't just play with it.

The key to any relationship is communication.