New to BDSM

[tease2pleaseu]

Hi there,

Thought I'd post a message explaining my situation and see if anyone has any ideas or suggestions.

I'm a 34 year old guy who's is completely new to BDSM. Over the past couple of years I found myself thinking about several aspects (relating to being both being dominant & submissive).

At first, I would only think/fantasize about kinky BDSM situations from time to time. However as time has gone by I now find that practically all of the time during masturbation I seem to think about nothing else.

Although I understand that most people who are into BDSM tend to mostly class themselves as either submissive or dominant, I seem to be attracted to both sides. Although lately I do find myself thinking increasingly more about being under the control of a femdom. In particular, I find the thought of face-sitting & being made to please a mistress in this way extremely exciting, particularly the though of being made lick her ass for her pleasure and after some time doing this, eventually moving onto her sitting her pussy on my face etc.

Being made to pleasure more than one femdom, is something else that I find extremely exciting. As well as eventually being pleasured by my mistress, but being brought to point of orgasm only to be denied - repeatedly until she finally allows me to shoot my load (this something I probably think about the most)..

I would say in many aspects I'm a fairly conventional male - If you'd have asked me a few years ago if I'd ever consider being taken with a strap-on, for example, I wouldn't have thought this would ever turn me on. I've never even tried any form of anal play to be honest, but this is something I find myself thinking about all the time too.

These types of situations (and countless others, lol) is something that after much thought I'd love to try. Indeed these are now things I feel compelled to try.

I'm feel sure that I'm not the only person attracted to BDSM who also seems to find themselves in a situation whereby I really don't know if I'd ever find anyone to explore these fantasies with.

This forum is certainly a place where people are open minded, but sadly in life I find such people very seldom.

I guess what I'm asking is; where to begin? How did you meet your dom/sub? Did you find it difficult to find like minded people? How long was it before you met someone?

Anyway, think I've rambled on for long enough, any thoughts or opinions would be welcome - thanks...

 

[ImOnIt]

When I first came to this website I read the stickies.

 

[Kirk_09]

i feel exactly the same way topic creator, but im a lot younger, only 20 and the thought of a femDom controlling me is pretty fun and id love to try it.

but like its already been said, there is a welcome thread for new people, and there is a personals section for people to make ads.

 

[tease2pleaseu]

Yes, I take your point - apologies for posting this here, I ought to have realised. Although I wouldn't say my post was a 'personal' as such, but posting it in the new faces/say hello thread would have been more appropriate.

Thanks...

 

[Kirabeth]

Yes, I take your point - apologies for posting this here, I ought to have realised. Although I wouldn't say my post was a 'personal' as such, but posting it in the new faces/say hello thread would have been more appropriate.

Thanks...

I think you posting it here was fine, you didn't ask to meet new people what you asked was:

How did you meet your dom/sub? Did you find it difficult to find like minded people? How long was it before you met someone?


1. I married my high school sweet heart Iintroduced him to this lifestyle , I first realized what this lifestyle was when my phycology professor brought up sexual fetishes in a topic she was teaching in class one day I then came home and researched BDSM online a light went off in y brain that said hey dummy that is you, you aren't weird, you aren't a freak , and you aren't alone out there. he didn't take to it at first but the more he saw and read up on it he more he got into aventually it lead to a 24/7 poly lifestyle that sadly lead to a place we shouldn't have let it and well that not something I'm willing to discuss.

2.We did find it and I still do find it difficult to meet like minded people in real life. Over the years I have met several people on line and become good friends with them some of them remain only friends online and some of them I have met in person sadly some after having met in person dissappeared and others remain friends online and in person. You just have to learn to ask questions, get to know people, learn who you can trust and see where things go. if you come here looking to cyber and role play then thats just what you'll get people who will use you and play games but if you actuallty take the time and get to know people and they you and above anything you're open and honest with the people you meet then you can truely make some lasting friendships with real people in this lifestyle online that can lead some real life friendships too.

anyway thats just my two cents.

 

[tease2pleaseu]

Hi Kirabeth,

Thanks for taking the time to talk about your experiences. I feel I have gotten past the sort of feelings of feeling guilt or uneasiness in relation to BDSM. Although, I can certainly see why some people might feel this way, particularly when first exploring this side of themselves.

In my opinion, people (in general) are a little more open minded these days, but if I had to guess, I'd say there's not that many people into BDSM who feel they could discuss it with anyone who doesn't also share the same interest. I'd say even though it's more accepted now, it's still a little taboo and some feel they may be judged by others (myself included - to some extent anyway). I know this isn't the case here, I'm happy to say.

I have a feeling that this is one of the reasons why it's difficult to meet like minded people.

Since I'm not likely to meet anybody locally, I'm sure that here would be a good place to start. I am also considering a visit to a BDSM club, although I really wouldn't know what to expect. Have you ever been to one?

Thanks again...

 

[CutieMouse]

Hi Kirabeth,

Thanks for taking the time to talk about your experiences. I feel I have gotten past the sort of feelings of feeling guilt or uneasiness in relation to BDSM. Although, I can certainly see why some people might feel this way, particularly when first exploring this side of themselves.

In my opinion, people (in general) are a little more open minded these days, but if I had to guess, I'd say there's not that many people into BDSM who feel they could discuss it with anyone who doesn't also share the same interest. I'd say even though it's more accepted now, it's still a little taboo and some feel they may be judged by others (myself included - to some extent anyway). I know this isn't the case here, I'm happy to say.

I have a feeling that this is one of the reasons why it's difficult to meet like minded people.

Since I'm not likely to meet anybody locally, I'm sure that here would be a good place to start. I am also considering a visit to a BDSM club, although I really wouldn't know what to expect. Have you ever been to one?

Thanks again...

Most cities of any size have BDSM groups that hold monthly "munches" - a totally ordinary, normal, no sex/overt kink dinner at a local restaurant so like minded people can hang out and socialize. That would be an option to meet someone.

Some people put personals ads up online - Lit has a BDSM Personals section further down the main forum page, or you could find local groups/people at fetlife.com, or you could post an ad at someplace like collarme.com. Or you can do normal dating stuff, through normal channels, and look for a lover who has the qualities you're seeking and simply talk about your interests (when the time is right).

 

[Kirabeth]

no there aren't any clubs near the area I live in but I would love to visit one if I am ever in an area where there are some. Am afraid I live right smack in the middle of the Bible Belt and its still taboo here just to mention the word sex, these people here protested when they started teaching sex ed in school yet we had a high teen pregnacy rate here so I know if a BDSM Club tried to set up shop here the stiffs would just go crazy.

 

[richard_daily]

Most cities of any size have BDSM groups that hold monthly "munches" - a totally ordinary, normal, no sex/overt kink dinner at a local restaurant so like minded people can hang out and socialize. That would be an option to meet someone.

Some people put personals ads up online - Lit has a BDSM Personals section further down the main forum page, or you could find local groups/people at fetlife.com, or you could post an ad at someplace like collarme.com. Or you can do normal dating stuff, through normal channels, and look for a lover who has the qualities you're seeking and simply talk about your interests (when the time is right).

The (admittedly few) munches that i've gone to have an air of desperation to it... I tend to feel that of most of the "scene" in general to be honest, but to each their own.

I'd recommend finding someone that you really like, who is understanding and open minded... Chances are that those qualities will transfer over into the bedroom, and if not; rinse and repeat.