New to Bdsm

[WonderJay]

Hello everyone, please excuse my ignorance ahead of one but this is a new stage in my sexual life that my current girlfriend seems to enjoy and I know not much about.

I'm 29 she is 24 about to turn 25 and for her birthday next week I would like to surprise her with some soft Bdsm.

I have had several sex partners but most have been more into love making soft sex and hen I met her. She likes bruises, spanking biting something new to me so I feel I'm having trouble keeping up so I'm looking here for tips on how to pleasure her inner goddess.

Her birthday is next thursday and I plan on having a hotel room decorated with flowers candles and all that good stuff but I would like to have some light playing to make sure I do it right and she enjoys it.

She as well is not very sexually experienced but she has told me she likes Bdsm, she had me read 50shades of grey.....any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance

 

[riannauk]

some tips

well im in an online relationship, where we dom and sub, and have made many friends who are provide advice. It is about as a sub relinquishing control to someone who cares about you and wants to tease and arouse you and please you. As a dom it is using the control your sub gives you to do anything you want within each others limits. I dontknow if you two have spoken about limits or fantasies within bdsm. if you have use elements of these to get the ball going if not,
use the birthday as a time to take control. instruct her, tease her, if she resists then use the spanking element or whatever you know will arouse her, dont be afraid to communicate through out, telling her that she can get you to stop at any time, ie having a safe word.
I dont know exactly what you want to know, you have to be comfortable with it too and express perhaps some ideas you have to her as a sort of a tease leading up to her birthday.? Maybe buy a paddle and silk bondage kit maybe?
Don't know if this is any help at all. I hope it is, if you do have questions you can just pm me. There will be a lot more people commenting probably saying different things , it means different things to different people, just be aware of that.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Hello everyone, please excuse my ignorance ahead of one but this is a new stage in my sexual life that my current girlfriend seems to enjoy and I know not much about.

I'm 29 she is 24 about to turn 25 and for her birthday next week I would like to surprise her with some soft Bdsm.

I have had several sex partners but most have been more into love making soft sex and hen I met her. She likes bruises, spanking biting something new to me so I feel I'm having trouble keeping up so I'm looking here for tips on how to pleasure her inner goddess.

Her birthday is next thursday and I plan on having a hotel room decorated with flowers candles and all that good stuff but I would like to have some light playing to make sure I do it right and she enjoys it.

She as well is not very sexually experienced but she has told me she likes Bdsm, she had me read 50shades of grey.....any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance

Does she know from actual experience that she likes bruises, spanking, biting etc or is it something she wants to try because of something she read?
In any case, I think it would be wise to go easy in a birthday celebration setting, when you haven't communicated much about this.

Also it depends on how well you know each other and what you have done before?
Would a blindfold work, with some sensory play, like feathers, icecube, massage candle? Light bondage?
Use the traffic signal system, where red means stop, yellow means go easier, green means great or just use plaon speak if that works better for you.

 

[hardwood36in]

mmmm

I still remember laying bare butt over the bed and waiting for the pain. Part fear, part excitement and part determination to not only remember every detail but to experience every detail in real time. To remember the sounds. To remember to delicious pain, the horrible pain, the exquisite agony that brought out the best in me…

 

[WonderJay]

So far we have not talked about limits because I have kinda set some limits in fear of hurting her.

As far as bruises go the other night we were having an intense intimate time and out of no where I started biting (she loves me leaving her hickeys on her breast) her hard I could tell her excitement whent up, she became so we wet you could hear it splashing so I had to taste her and when I went down there I again started to tease her by kissing and lightly sucking her thighs when I took a small bite and it set her off she started to buck and moan grabbed my head and wanted me to to as I pleased. I kept biting and you know how that ended.

Well I usually leave her little marks(hickeys) and she will proudly happily send me pictures the next day, well this time she sends me pictures tells me they are bruises and not hickeys. I quickly apologized and asked if she was hurt I said I was sorry. Her reply was it was turning her on and she wanted more!

Now as far experience I don't think she has had any Bdsm she had a few partners before me but says that within the first month of us together we slept together more times than them combined.

My previous sex partners were more into making love kissing touching taking it slow, so this is definitely a new experience for me.


So far plans are
Room with candles (need to know what kind to enhance aroma)
Blindfold
Maybe cuffs
Something to spank her with (she loves to tease me so needs to be punished)

Any other idea is greatly appreciated! A few people have pm'd me and it's helping a lot on me learning so thank you!!

 

[seela]

So far plans are
Room with candles (need to know what kind to enhance aroma)
Blindfold
Maybe cuffs
Something to spank her with (she loves to tease me so needs to be punished)

Any other idea is greatly appreciated! A few people have pm'd me and it's helping a lot on me learning so thank you!!

If you plan on using the candles for wax play as well setting the mood, you need to get some unscented candles too.

There's some recent discussion about it, safety, what kinds of candles to use, where to get them etc. here (scroll down a few posts) and here.

 

[DVS]

So far we have not talked about limits because I have kinda set some limits in fear of hurting her.

As far as bruises go the other night we were having an intense intimate time and out of no where I started biting (she loves me leaving her hickeys on her breast) her hard I could tell her excitement whent up, she became so we wet you could hear it splashing so I had to taste her and when I went down there I again started to tease her by kissing and lightly sucking her thighs when I took a small bite and it set her off she started to buck and moan grabbed my head and wanted me to to as I pleased. I kept biting and you know how that ended.

Well I usually leave her little marks(hickeys) and she will proudly happily send me pictures the next day, well this time she sends me pictures tells me they are bruises and not hickeys. I quickly apologized and asked if she was hurt I said I was sorry. Her reply was it was turning her on and she wanted more!

Now as far experience I don't think she has had any Bdsm she had a few partners before me but says that within the first month of us together we slept together more times than them combined.

My previous sex partners were more into making love kissing touching taking it slow, so this is definitely a new experience for me.


So far plans are
Room with candles (need to know what kind to enhance aroma)
Blindfold
Maybe cuffs
Something to spank her with (she loves to tease me so needs to be punished)

Any other idea is greatly appreciated! A few people have pm'd me and it's helping a lot on me learning so thank you!!

If you want to torment her, cuff her wrists behind her back and use a vibrator on her clit until she begs for release. I wouldn't use a ball gag on this first session, though. It's difficult to communicate in other ways, when you are gagged. You'll need to work out some kind of body movement communication method, if you continue with this sort of thing and want to add a gag.

When you spank her, make some of the swats sensual and sexy, rubbing her ass and snaking your hand down to touch her pussy and/or clit, just enough that she feels it. Then, spank her harder, but because this is a first time, don't make it too hard. Then, go back to the sensual way, again. Listen to her so you can judge her reaction. It's best to have a safe word so once she is over your knee, tell her to use the stop light colors for communication. Green means she's OK, yellow means she's OK, but wants you to slow down and Red means she wants you to stop right now! And you be sure you follow those colors she calls out.

Because this is your first session, don't go too hard or too fast. Maybe make it more of a session of things to come later, if she likes what you do. Make her wait for her orgasm. Tease her like it will be a long time, but don't make it very long. And be sure to talk about it, afterwards, so you can both comment on what you liked and didn't like, and what you want to do more of, etc.

 

[monoblanco]

And be sure to talk about it, afterwards, so you can both comment on what you liked and didn't like, and what you want to do more of, etc.

This!

In my (admittedly limited) experience is the single most important thing both before AND after.

And have fun!

 

[WonderJay]

Suggestions on vibrator??

I would like to try a clit vibratorbto wear while I penetrate her

 

[DVS]

Suggestions on vibrator??

I would like to try a clit vibratorbto wear while I penetrate her

Sounds interesting, but don't put all of your tricks in one basket. You won't have anything for an encore. And she'll probably be over whelmed with what you have in mind already. After she's so over whelmed, anything else you have will be wasted. So save it for next time.

This time around, just use a basic bullet vibe or something. As long as it's a vibe, she'll feel it.

 

[Glycanthrope]

Nicely put DVS, I couldn't agree more.

Once you find a partner who shares your BDSM kink, and you have that "omg...you feel the same way ?!!" moment, it is very tempting to just let go and try out everything during your very first playsession, in a rushed (and ultimately unrewarding) frenzy of floggers, clamps and candles.

In my experience, it has turned out much better to introduce one or two new activities at a time. Take your time, play around with how you can do things and say things in different ways, and just enjoy each other. Communicate a lot during aftercare - what worked for her, what worked for you, what didn't work at all.

A lot of BDSM takes place in the world of fantasy. Maybe your sub fantasizes about marks and bruises, but if neither of you are ready to go there just yet, let imagination be your friend. When we first started BDSM play, my sub had fantasies just like that, but instead of caning away, I whipped her gently with a soft flogger, while telling her about the "sexy marks and bruises that I had raised". she was blindfolded, so that she could not see that I made it all up. Still the combination of fantasy and real life sensation play complemented each other just fine - Imagination is such a powerful ally.

 

[DVS]

Nicely put DVS, I couldn't agree more.

Once you find a partner who shares your BDSM kink, and you have that "omg...you feel the same way ?!!" moment, it is very tempting to just let go and try out everything during your very first playsession, in a rushed (and ultimately unrewarding) frenzy of floggers, clamps and candles.

In my experience, it has turned out much better to introduce one or two new activities at a time. Take your time, play around with how you can do things and say things in different ways, and just enjoy each other. Communicate a lot during aftercare - what worked for her, what worked for you, what didn't work at all.

A lot of BDSM takes place in the world of fantasy. Maybe your sub fantasizes about marks and bruises, but if neither of you are ready to go there just yet, let imagination be your friend. When we first started BDSM play, my sub had fantasies just like that, but instead of caning away, I whipped her gently with a soft flogger, while telling her about the "sexy marks and bruises that I had raised". she was blindfolded, so that she could not see that I made it all up. Still the combination of fantasy and real life sensation play complemented each other just fine - Imagination is such a powerful ally.

Glycanthrope, we must be cut from the same thread. Tweaking someone's mind and/or imagination is a large part of the fun of being a top. I can use a 5 inch dildo on someone and tell her it's 8 inches. Of course, she believes and feels the 8 inch version. It's an "in the moment" delivery of the facts...tweaked with lust and a bit of white lies.